


the fam's all here!

by bluecalicocat



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Deaf Character, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Flirting, Friendship, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Memes, Stray Kids are Family, Texting, art majors hyunsung, best friends minho & jisung, idk why, minchan are the chat parents, or well it's so i can use asl, text fic, they are American in this, vine references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 50,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25335325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecalicocat/pseuds/bluecalicocat
Summary: minho, chan, and their 6 (fake) children make a group chat together. it's a mess, but we love to see it-hyunjin: chan wouldn't give me minho's friends' numbers but i stole his phone with Stealth and Subtlety and added them to this chat!chan: what stealth are you talking about?? you took my phone right out of my handchan: i've seen everything you've done, i'm sitting right next to youjeongin: chris is always watchingchan: innie sTOP
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 566
Kudos: 947





	1. new face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what i'm back with another text fic

chan has added minho, hyunjin and 5 others to the group chat:

**new face, new face, oh oh new face**

chan has granted hyunjin rights to the chat!

hyunjin: i am Stealth and Subtlety!

hyunjin: i go quick whoosh fast speed, no one even knows i'm there

hyunjin: i am like kim kardashian!

hyunjin: oh wait fuck

hyunjin: that's not it

hyunjin: i meant kim possible

jeongin: ...

changbin: good job my guy!

changbin: also what the fuck are you on about?

hyunjin: chan wouldn't give me minho's friends' numbers but i stole his phone with Stealth and Subtlety and added them to this chat!

chan: what stealth are you talking about??

chan: you took my phone right out of my hand

chan: i've seen everything you've done, i'm sitting right next to you

jeongin: chris is always watching

chan: innie sTOP

hyunjin: yeah so now we can finally get to know our step-siblings!

chan: your what now

hyunjin: step siblings!

hyunjin: you know, you're our dad and minho is their dad, so since you two are now married that makes us step siblings

chan: what the fuck no that's not how it works

minho: see, that is how it works, but that's not what has happened here

chan: ohmygod minho please

chan: leave

chan: run while you still can

minho: no, i don't think i will ;)

chan: oh fuck

minho: also i don't think my friends are my children so you're not step-siblings

minho: it's not like they see me as a dad or anything

jisung: ...

felix: ...

seungmin: ...did he just disown us?

felix: yeah i think he did :(

jisung: dad i thought you loved us :((

seungmin: maybe chan will take us

felix: but he already has his own kids to deal with, it would be too much

jisung: we'll just... go then, i guess :(

minho: nO

minho: ohmygod stop

minho: fine okay you are my children

minho: happy?

seungmin: YES!

felix: THANK YOU!

jisung: WE LOVE YOU!

hyunjin: oh wow, imagine being disowned by your own dad and then being so annoying that he's forced to take you back

hyunjin: couldn't be me

changbin: didn't you do exactly that just last week? i remember chan trying to sell you on ebay

hyunjin: moving on!

hyunjin: hi everyone :D

hyunjin: welcome to our group chat! :D

jeongin: uwu i hate it here

hyunjin: shut up it hasn't even started yet

jeongin: uwu i hate it here anyway, your logic can't stop me

hyunjin: rude little shit

chan: don't call him a little shit!!!

seungmin: oof, i sense family drama

seungmin: couldn't be me

changbin: you were disowned not even five minutes ago

seungmin: minor details

hyunjin: okay! :)

hyunjin: i made this chat so we can be friends!

hyunjin: we need to get to know each other!

changbin: so we're officially step siblings now?

jeongin: yeah because chan married that minho dude, and that minho dude already had some kids of his own

jeongin: so now minchan are parents of 6

chan: *softly* oh fuck...

chan: this is not what i signed up for

felix: Tough Luck! :D

felix: dating minho automatically means you get us as your children!

jisung: yeah, it's like a "buy one, get three free" kind of deal!

minho: hate to say it but they're right :/

minho: i wouldn't give up my friendships for a boyfriend

minho: and i seriously hope you wouldn't either because no good person would do that

chan: oh no don't worry, i definitely would not

chan: no offense

minho: none taken <3

hyunjin: okay so welcome everyone to this group chat! :D

changbin: can we just take a moment of appreciation for hyunjin?

jeongin: he's just trying to be a Good Host but everyone keeps spouting unnecessary bullshit all around

jeongin: we appreciate you hyunjin <3

hyunjin: then why are you still talking over me

hyunjin: bitch

chan: don't call him a bitch!!!

hyunjin: no i meant more like bitch in general! i was just cussing at the situation, not at him!

chan: okay...

hyunjin: so anyway :)

hyunjin: You Know My Name, Not My Story

jisung: does that mean we're doing introductions?

hyunjin: Yes. Introductions :)

chan: we've barely been here five minutes and jisung already understands hyunjin better than i do

changbin: in your defense, he's a very weird boy

changbin: i don't think anyone truly understands him

jisung: uhh i think what he said was very obvious

seungmin: yeah what else would he be talking about?

changbin: you know my name, not my story ≠ we're doing introductions now

felix: omg how did you get that sign???

felix: ≠

felix: look i just copy pasted it!

changbin: sTOP QUESTIONING ME i don't even kNOW YOU GUYS

hyunjin: changbin, you know this! they're our new step siblings

chan: wait... it's probably way too late to say this but me and minho aren't married

hyunjin: the jury has considered your plea and found it irrelevant

hyunjin: so with that said, let's do the introductions! :)

hyunjin: i can go first if no one else wants to?

jeongin: you can and you will

jeongin: this is already taking too long

felix: ominous...

hyunjin: okay my name's hwang hyunjin! a junior and an art major

hyunjin: spare time model but that's not relevant

seungmin: then why did you say it?

felix: hey i've heard about you!

jisung: oh yes

jisung: i have also Heard about him :)

minho: oh ffs

chan: ...why did that sound so much more ominous when jisung said it?

jisung: it's not ominous! i was just making a joke!

changbin: so you haven't actually heard of him?

jisung: no no, i have heard of him

changbin: ??? then what was the joke

seungmin: lmao

jisung: i can go next!

changbin: please do and explain yourself?

changbin: because i am confusion???

jisung: okay, i'm han jisung, also a 3rd year art major

hyunjin: omg why i haven't i met you before? :o

jisung: i don't know what you look like

jisung: tbh we've probably met ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

hyunjin: omg!

jisung: so anyway, fun fact, i'm deaf!

jisung: if you're uncomfortable then Perish :)

chan: jisung... what

minho: thanks hannie, we appreciate your contribution

jisung: anytime! <3

jisung: and that's what the joke was

jisung: i said i have HEARD about him

changbin: ooooh okay

felix: hi hello i guess i'll go next...

felix: i'm lee felix, also 3rd year, my major is computer science!

felix: my birthday is one day after jisung's!

felix: and seungmin's birthday is exactly one week after mine!

changbin: oh damn, triplets

seungmin: should i go next then?

felix: uhm yeah i kinda started your introduction by saying your birthday already

seungmin: ok cool

seungmin: kim seungmin in the building! 3rd year, major in photography

seungmin: so yeah we are all of minho's children

minho: you three are not my children

jisung: gASP

felix: this is not okay minho, you can't keep treating us like this

minho: what did i DO???

seungmin: reclaim us as your children, or else...!

minho: what the fuck okay fine

minho: i guess i'm sorry for (accidentally) disowning you (again)

seungmin: thanks dad <3

jisung: thanks papi <3

felix: thanks daddy <3

minho: nvm i take it back, you're not my children anymore

minho: anyway i'll introduce myself before this gets even worse

minho: i'm lee minho, turning 22 this year and NOT anyone's father

minho: (except for my cats because they're my babies)

minho: i graduated last year and am in vet school now

hyunjin: omg that's so cool!

changbin: hyunjin stop saying "omg" challenge FAILED

hyunjin: well well well

hyunjin: since you spoke up, it's your turn for introductions, bitch

chan: can you STOP cussing so much???

hyunjin: and then i said "yes"

hyunjin: you know, like a liar

jisung: joHN MULANEY!

hyunjin: YES!!!

changbin: okay whatever

changbin: i'm seo changbin, 21, senior, major in music

changbin: at some point i met these three idiots (chan, hyunjin, jeongin) and they haven't left me alone since :/

hyunjin: good job!

hyunjin: jeongin, your turn

jeongin: and then i said "yes". you know, like a liar

hyunjin: stop using my own words against me!

jeongin: fine whatever

jeongin: yang jeongin, sophomore, major in education cause i wanna be a teacher

minho: they let actual babies teach other babies? :o

jeongin: i'm not a baby! >.<

hyunjin: the smiley you just used would like to disagree

changbin: hey guys

changbin: not to interrupt but there's still one person left

minho: fine then, we'll let chan have a turn :/

chan: thanks???

chan: so anyway

chan: i'm bang chan and i think i've met everyone in this chat before?

chan: but yeah i also graduated last year, i'm turning 23 and i'm dating minho

chan: apparently you're all my children now

minho: ??? i can't even claim my own 3 kids, and now you're claiming ALL of them???

minho: what is this, capitalism???

felix: omg

jisung: he acknowledged us!

seungmin: we've been validated!

felix: thank you, parental figure!

minho: you're welcome, problem child

chan: well that's great

chan: i'm looking forward to getting to know everyone here!

changbin: i'm not but i'll stick around for the drama

jeongin: lmao same

hyunjin: ...you guys are so predictable

hyunjin: but i still don't regret making this chat :)

felix: don't worry, just give it a week!

seungmin: yeah the regret should set in soon

hyunjin: well that's ominous!

hyunjin: thanks, i'm terrified!


	2. third favorite reptile

**(8): new face, new face, oh oh new face**

hyunjin: so what's everyone's third favorite reptile? :D

changbin: hyunjin ily but wHY

chan: my dear child,

chan: you have to stop asking people that :/

chan: especially strangers

jisung: if we ignore these boring adults,,,

jisung: snakes!

hyunjin: omg why? :o

jisung: lizards are my favorite, turtles are a close second, and then snakes are third

hyunjin: omg

hyunjin: i think i would switch turtles and snakes actually but yeah you have a point

jisung: you also like lizards? :D

hyunjin: yeah!

minho: jisung has a pet lizard and he's very proud of it

minho: please don't get him started because it will never end

hyunjin: omg can i meet your pet lizard?

chan: child

chan: you haven't even met jisung properly yet

hyunjin: oh right...

jisung: her name is dora <3

jisung: the lizard, i mean

hyunjin: ooooh!

seungmin: so is no one else responding to hyunjin's question?

felix: yeah :(

felix: he was just trying to start a conversation and then everyone turned on him

chan: well, my third favorite reptile is minho cause he's a snake <3

minho: aww thanks babe <3

changbin: eww

felix: changbin, don't be like that!

felix: those are your parents!

jeongin: hyunjin was trying to get everyone to get to know each other but it seems like everyone's already comfortable here :)

chan: it actually kind of worries me

chan: if this is what you're like with strangers, i'm scared what it will be like once you're actually friends

jisung: i mean... i know three people here so it's not like everyone is a stranger

felix: yeah! that's probably why we're so willing to be weird

felix: we all already know some people here

seungmin: that, but also, we don't really care :)

felix: image? reputation? we don't know them

minho: lmao

jeongin: haha same

changbin: so how does everyone here actually know each other

changbin: are we just two squads combined into one, thanks to minchan?

chan: yeah i think we are

chan: changbin hyunjin and jeongin are my friends/self-proclaimed-children, so we're the first friend squad

minho: jisung felix and seungmin are my friends

jisung: and

felix: and

seungmin: and

minho: and my children, i guess

felix: ^o^

jisung: so yeah this gc is just two friend groups combined into one because our fathers started dating

felix: shoutout to minchan!

changbin: cool

changbin: how long have you guys been friends?

minho: 16 years

hyunjin: wAIT seriously???

jeongin: oh damn

chan: jONEING DONT CUIS

changbin: lol he (aka jeongin) got ya girl on panic

changbin: ya girl = chan

changbin: in other words, jeongin got chan on panic

chan: well hE JUST CUSSED

chan: WHO TAUGHT HIM THAT FOUL LANGUAGE

jeongin: you did....

chan: i-

minho: so, n e ways

minho: yeah

minho: i've known jisung at least for 16 years

minho: felix and seungmin only joined a few years ago

hyunjin: oh damn, you've been friends for 16 years but you still keep disowning him?

changbin: big oof

jeongin: wait

jeongin: doesn't that mean he was three years old when you met him?

jisung: yup :]

minho: i was five and he was three

minho: a true childhood friendship

jisung: yeah and we live together now :D

hyunjin: damn, that's an inspirational friendship right there

hyunjin: wish i had something like that :/

changbin: as your roommate, i'm offended

minho: get on our level!

jeongin: anyway, does no one else here live together?

jisung: well i live with minho

jisung: hyunjin apparently lives with changbin

jisung: and felix lives with seungmin

jisung: so that's 6 out of 8 people in this gc :)

chan: and i live alone but everyone crashes at my place so often that it feels like i might as well live with all three of my kids :/

jeongin: it's cause we love you <3

chan: yes ily2 but you gotta stop stealing my food <3

jeongin: no i will not <3

chan: ok fine <3

changbin: damn

changbin: chan really be out here playing favorites like that

hyunjin: innie is everyone's favorite though

changbin: ...A Valid Point

changbin: i'd let him steal my food any day

jeongin: :D

hyunjin: is no one else gonna tell me their third favorite reptile?

seungmin: ??? no

seungmin: i mean it's not like i actually have one

minho: same

hyunjin: well this group chat has been a complete failure :/

jisung: hey! i responded!

hyunjin: the only person who deserves rights <3

jisung: <3

changbin: dis gus tang

felix: changbin don't be like that, those are your siblings!

changbin: haha that's even more dis gus tang

chan: stop hating your siblings

jeongin: yeah boi, don't act so edgy!

jeongin: we all know you're babie

hyunjin: bAbY cHangBeAn

**hyunjin** changed **changbin** 's name to **baby changbean**

baby changbean: noo my perfectly normal name! where did you go!!

hyunjin: where did you come from where did you go

jisung: where did you come from cotton eye joe

jisung: AYY HYUNJIN

hyunjin: OMG i think we share some braincells!!!

chan: that would not surprise me

baby changbean: hey!!! i can't be the only cool kid here

baby changbean: can other people please change their names

jeongin: "cool kid" lmao you wish

chan: innie be nice

jeongin: i'm always nice <3

minho: innie, i like you

minho: you've got Cool Kid vibes

jeongin: omg thanks!

jeongin: i think you have Cool Dad vibes yourself!

minho: thank you!!

jisung: lmao minho is not cool at all

seungmin: yeah

seungmin: that time he broke his wrist after dancing in the shower is pretty solid proof

jisung: tHAT WAS HORRIBLE OMG don't remind me!!!

jisung: he couldn't sign properly for like 6 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

minho: that sucked pretty bad

felix: big oof

seungmin: but the point here is that minho is not a Cool Dad

baby changbean: well he can't be any more lame than chan is

**hyunjin** changed **chan** 's name to **Lame Dad**

jisung: is it bad that i misread that as Llama Dad???

jeongin: pretty bad, yeah

jeongin: but that's a very fitting name!

Lame Dad: thanks, i'm really feeling the love here <3

baby changbean: same

hyunjin: well isn't this group chat just the most loving place on earth?

jeongin: it really isn't

hyunjin: i know, i was being sarcastic :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minsung as boyfriends is good and all, but honestly, the minsung best friends agenda is my new favorite thing


	3. sibling fight

**(8): new face, new face, oh oh new face**

hyunjin: important question: do you think you could take your sibling in a fight?

minho: lol can't relate

minho: i'm an only child

hyunjin: :/

minho: but i guess the closest to a sibling i have is jisung

minho: and yeah i could take him in a fight any day

jisung: hEY!!!

jisung: ...you're not wrong but still :/

hyunjin: aww well... anyone else?

seungmin: 100% could take my brother in a fight, no doubt

felix: oh damn

felix: that confidence tho

hyunjin: seungmin is your brother older or younger than you?

seungmin: older by like 6 years

hyunjin: wOW and you still think you could take him?

seungmin: uh, yes

seungmin: what's he gonna do, throw a keyboard at me?

jisung: wait didn't he do that once

jisung: i'm p sure brian told me about it

minho: *insert the "who is brian??" meme here*

seungmin: yeah but that's because i threw a tambourine at him first

hyunjin: ^^most accurate depiction of a sibling relationship

hyunjin: i commend you for this

Lame Dad: ??? you commend him for throwing a tambourine at his brother?

hyunjin: no i commend him for telling us about it

hyunjin: sounds like a very relatable event

Lame Dad: okay. since hyunjin started this conversation, i'm kinda worried he's actually going to fight his sibling

Lame Dad: hyunjin please don't fight yeji

hyunjin: i wasn't gonna! i'm just saying that IF i did, i could totally take her

jeongin: she could choke you with her toes, you know

hyunjin: yeah but she WOULDNT and that's where we're different!

hyunjin: while she's busy hesitating, i'm already taking her down

hyunjin: (also i could choke her with my toes too. just had to put that out there)

Lame Dad: ...

hyunjin: but anyways everyone hasn't answered my question yet

hyunjin: could you or could you not take your sibling in a fight?

Lame Dad: physically, yes i could take both of them

Lame Dad: emotionally, never

jeongin: my younger brother yes, but probs not my older brother

jisung: if we're counting minho as my sibling then i could not take him

jisung: but i could definitely take my actual brother

hyunjin: is he younger than you?

jisung: no lmao

jisung: he's 7 years older

jisung: but he's too wEaK to fight me so i'd win :)

seungmin: lmao i'm telling him you said that

jisung: wait no

seungmin: i'm literally with him right now, you can't stop me

felix: yES! EXPOSE JISUNG!

jeongin: what is this drama

hyunjin: idk but i'm enjoying it :p

seungmin: okay so i just told him and he said

seungmin: "shut the fuck up peter"

jisung: oH NO HE DIDNT

jisung: fuckin brian...

hyunjin: wait your name is peter???

jisung: yeah my english name is peter han :/ but i don't normally use it

hyunjin: omg !!!

**hyunjin** changed **jisung** 's name to **peter han**

peter han: nO

seungmin: HAHHAHHA

felix: lmao

peter han: stfu yongbok!!

felix: mY nAme AiNt yOngbOk

felix: nEver Was nEveR wiLl

hyunjin: what's a yongbok

peter han: felix's korean name!

peter han: now do your job hyunjin

**hyunjin** changed **felix** 's name to **yongbok**

yongbok: nO WHAT THE FUCK??????

peter han: HAHHAHA

seungmin: OOOOH

minho: lmao what the fuck is this

Lame Dad: hyunjin look what you did, it's a mess now...

Lame Dad: everyone's screaming :/

baby changbean: hey i'm late what's going on?

yongbok: omg i completely forgot about your name...!

baby changbean: yeah okay

baby changbean: but who are you?

yongbok: i'm felix :/

yongbok: we changed names right before you got here

peter han: and before you can ask, i'm jisung

Lame Dad: but everyone else is still the same!

baby changbean: oh okay!

baby changbean: cool names btw

peter han: says you :)

baby changbean: hEY

baby changbean: we've never met, you're not allowed to make fun of me!

Lame Dad: you shouldn't make fun of anyone, regardless of whether you have met them irl

jeongin: well that's lame

jeongin: why be nice when you can just hate on everyone?

Lame Dad: innie no

jeongin: innie yes

minho: innie yes

jeongin: !!!

jeongin: minho is my new favorite parent

Lame Dad: this is chanphobic :/

seungmin: jeongin, you should think twice about minho being your favorite

seungmin: he will disown you every five minutes

jeongin: oh right

minho: how many times do i have to say sorry for accidentally disowning you three???

yongbok: once would be enough

minho: no, i don't think i will.

peter han: thanks papi <3

jeongin: have you ever thought about how chan is daddy, and minho is papi?

baby changbean: jeONGIN NO

seungmin: what the fuck

minho: JEONGIN WHAT??? LMAO

Lame Dad: aslhgfasdfgfafgdhhsass

hyunjin: oHMYGOD INNIE you broke him

yongbok: lmao!!!

yongbok: innie really got the whole group on panic

peter han: we love to see it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find the 3racha reference :)
> 
> also, while we're on the topic of fighting your siblings, i just wanna say that my brother could easily take me in a fight but he would never. on the other hand, my sister could not take me in a fight but she would definitely try, lmao


	4. community captions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short bonus chapter today because youtube is being rude and ableist <3

**(8): new face, new face, oh oh new face**

peter han: well fuck me i guess ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

minho: why?

Lame Dad: what happened?

peter han: here's the link to youtube's announcement or whatever 

peter han: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6052538?hl

peter han: i guess i'm never watching youtube again ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

minho: oh

minho: you've told me about this

yongbok: wait what's happening?

seungmin: youtube is removing community captions on their videos

seungmin: which means captions will be more limited and makes a lot of content unaccessible to people who are deaf/HoH

seungmin: i have a petition though!

seungmin: http://chng.it/KRd57N45Gf

peter han: not sure how much it's gonna help considering youtube hasn't listened when people try to tell them that removing community captions is bad but that's nice anyway <3

yongbok: okay guys, fuck youtube on three

yongbok: 1

yongbok: 2

yongbok: 3

yongbok: fuck youtube!

seungmin: fuck youtube!

hyunjin: fuck youtube!

minho: fuck youtube!

Lame Dad: fuck youtube!

baby changbean: fuck youtube!

jeongin: fuck youtube!

peter han: fuck youtube!

yongbok: hahahah, lovely!

yongbok: can i screenshot this and send it to youtube somehow?

seungmin: idk but it would be kinda funny if you did

peter han: anyway that's all i have to say right now

peter han: fuck youtube! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the links in the chapter are real <3 do what you want with that information


	5. new name

**(8): new face, new face, oh oh new face**

peter han: hey how about...

peter han: we change the chat name...?

peter han: ...just a suggestion

Lame Dad: i agree

yongbok: yes

yongbok: i would also like to have One (1) new screen name please

hyunjin: guys, just because i'm the one with admin privileges doesn't mean you can't change your own names

yongbok: oh?

**yongbok** changed their name to **pancake**

seungmin: now why would you do that?

pancake: omg!

pancake: i just wanted to change my name and this was the first word that popped into my head :D

seungmin: should we let him be called pancake? can we recognize him like that?

Lame Dad: i think it's ok

peter han: but if it gets confusing, he has to change

pancake: okay!!!

pancake: but it will stay this way for now :)

seungmin: sure

hyunjin: well i'm currently taking name suggestions for the gc

hyunjin: something creative!

**jeongin** changed their name to **maknae on top**

maknae on top: not to have hubris but i am superior to every single person in the entire world :D

seungmin: good to know

baby changbean: can i delete the baby?

baby changbean: can i please delete the baby?

minho: ...what baby

Lame Dad: omg don't delete jeongin!!!!!

hyunjin: omg you have a baby???

pancake: fetus deletus

baby changbean: frOM MY NAME

baby changbean: i meant from my name!

**baby changbean** changed their name to **changbean**

changbean: like that!

minho: ah okay

minho: that makes more sense

maknae on top: minho and chan could match names!

seungmin: how?

maknae on top: chan could be daddy and minho could be papi

minho: ooooh

hyunjin: nO...!

Lame Dad: *-*

minho: but i wanna be kitten ;p

Lame Dad: minho... PL EASE

**minho** changed their name to **kitten**

kitten: meow

peter han: ooh kinky

Lame Dad: why would you do that?

Lame Dad: just... why?

**hyunjin** changed **Lame Dad** 's name to **daddy**

daddy: hyUNJIN!!!!!

daddy: WHY.

daddy: WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS SUFFERING???

pancake: why are we still here... just to suffer...?

kitten: we're matching now ;)

daddy: minho please

pancake: i don't recognize myself anymore

changbean: ???

pancake: like, my name

pancake: all i see is pancake

pancake: it doesn't fit me

hyunjin: no felix, you're not changing your name again!

maknae on top: hyunjin and seungman still need Cool Names™

maknae on top: hurry up and change already!

pancake: SEUNGMAN

maknae on top: oops i didn't even notice

**seungmin** changed their name to **seungman**

seungman: thanks

hyunjin: what about the group chat name?

pancake: something that will make our notifications look funny!

pancake: like... idk

pancake: sOmething~~

peter han: drug deal gang

daddy: that would look really bad if someone sees these notifications on any of our screens...

maknae on top: shut up daddy

kitten: lmao

kitten: i love these names already

**hyunjin** changed the group chat name to **drug deal gang!**

peter han: that looks real good!

changbean: i guess i'll just have to turn off my notifications for the rest of eternity

changbean: or people are gonna think i do drugs

hyunjin: too bad! :)

kitten: no offense, but who would actually save their drug dealer as "drug dealer"??

kitten: that's way too obvious

seungman: yeah he's right, that'd be stupid

daddy: minho please don't teach our kids how to get away with doing drugs

kitten: well, i mean...

kitten: if they're doing illegal drugs, i would prefer it if they get away with it

kitten: but FINE i guess i won't teach them

changbean: so anyway! what's hyunjin's name gonna be?

daddy: hopefully not anything related to drugs :/

maknae on top: your name is literally daddy...

maknae on top: sorry but you don't get to complain!

changbean: what would you name your pet llama?

pancake: ...is that a general question

changbean: yup

pancake: oh okay,,, either something cute or something funny, idk

hyunjin: changbin why are you asking?

hyunjin: are you looking for suggestions for my screen name? -.-

changbean: i mean, you're a llama! it makes sense!

hyunjin: yeah but my name isn't gonna be llama

hyunjin: that's already my name in our other group chat

peter han: do u have an english name?

hyunjin: yes

hyunjin: it's sam :)

pancake: oh! like in samsung

hyunjin: uhh,,, yeah i guess

seungman: his name is not gonna be samsung, that sucks

maknae on top: sam sucks

maknae on top: lol

daddy: what are you people even saying?

changbean: we're trying to decide what hyunjin's name is gonna be!

changbean: so far the two suggestions are llama and samsung

maknae on top: lol both of them suck

hyunjin: rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hyunjin: but true

changbean: boi, stop it with the exclamation points

hyunjin: never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hyunjin: also can't we just let me be hyunjin

seungman: let the man be himself

maknae on top: omg wait hyunjin

maknae on top: gimme admin privileges, i wanna do something!!!

daddy: jinnie you shouldn't trust him :/

hyunjin has granted maknae on top rights to the chat!

peter han: a bold move!

peter han: i support this

**maknae on top** changed **hyunjin** 's name to **Tall Boy**

pancake: anna oop-

pancake: wait why is that his name?

maknae on top: i googled wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man, and it said on wikipedia that they were originally called Tall Boy!

Tall Boy: ...so in other words, you're saying i am a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man?

maknae on top: yup!

changbean: that's accurate

daddy: yeah, i see the resemblance

Tall Boy: you're not supposed to support this :/

Tall Boy: i am offended by these accusations!

kitten: "accusations" boy all they did was call you a wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man

seungman: that word is way too fucking long...

seungman: why does everyone type out the full thing?

peter han: because saying wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man is funnier than whatever short version you'd rather hear us say!

pancake: okay so can i please change my name one last time?

pancake: sIKE I LIED!

pancake: I DON'T CARE IF YOU SAY NO CAUSE I'M DOING IT ANYWAY!

**pancake** changed their name to **felicks**

daddy: ...why

kitten: your name is daddy, you're not allowed to complain about anyone else

daddy: yeah ok that's fair ig

daddy: but in my defense, i didn't chose this myself

kitten: well, the daddy never choses himself ;)

daddy: miNHO WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

daddy: AND DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT!!!

maknae on top: no there aren't

maknae on top: we're all over 18

changbean: maybe legally, but mentally everyone here is around 3-5 years old

Tall Boy: excuse you!

Tall Boy: i'm six actually

changbean: oh, i'm SO sorry hyunjin :|

Tall Boy: apology accepted <3

seungman: well, we've accomplished a lot here today

maknae on top: it's a pleasure doing business with you

seungman: likewise

maknae on top: contact me if you have any other questions

seungman: feel free to grab a mint on your way out

maknae on top: bye everyone <3

daddy: ...what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seungmin and jeongin, kings of ending conversations


	6. 개미

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new group chat is introduced so here are their screen names in that one:
> 
> freestyle dance teacher - minho  
> im in me mums car - jisung  
> yeet - felix  
> weather boi - seungmin

**(8): drug deal gang!**

Tall Boy: 안녕하세요

felicks: AAH WHAT ARE THESE STRANGE SYMBOLS

felicks: ARE YOU TRYING TO SACRIFICE US TO SATAN???

daddy: it's just korean...

kitten: lix have you ever heard of korea?

felicks: uhh, no.

kitten: feLIX YOU'RE KOREAN

felicks: ahahha just kidding! i recognized it

felicks: i don't speak it though :|

felicks: but i know that one word because it's annyeonghaseyo!

seungman: ohmygod don't romanize it, that's disgusting

Tall Boy: so wait

Tall Boy: how many people here actually speak korean?

daddy: i mean you already know that half of us do

daddy: but out of minho's friends i think everyone except felix does? so almost everyone here does?

peter han: yup!

felicks: aww man, i only know a tiny bit korean :(

peter han: 개미

felicks: AAAAH STOP

felicks: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

felicks: WHAT IF HE PUT A CURSE ON ME?

changbean: he literally just said ant... 개미 means ant...

felicks: ahh okay lol

felicks: wait jisung, why did you randomly say ant?

peter han: lmao i just did it cause i knew you'd freak out

felicks: :/

seungman: well that's korean

seungman: but what about kpop

daddy: what about it?

peter han: ooh i think i know what he's thinking about!

peter han: "any one of these hopefuls could be the next big thing in kpop"

kitten: jISUNG...!

Tall Boy: what

daddy: what is he talking about?

changbean: i am? confusion

kitten: nothing!

kitten: ignore him

peter han: don't worry about it, i just sent chan the link :)

peter han: feel free to share it with everyone you know

maknae on top: chan please send it to me!

changbean: me too

kitten: JISUNG

=

**(4): vine is dead and so are we (on the inside)**

freestyle dance teacher: jisung you little shit

freestyle dance teacher: i should've left you on that street corner where you were standing... :/

im in me mums car: but yA diDnt :D

weather boi: i hate this fucking family...

yeet: seungmin don't lie

yeet: it's fun here!

weather boi: "fun" you say...

freestyle dance teacher: lets go back to the other group chat now, you demon children

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

Tall Boy: omg

Tall Boy: i just witnessed the video

peter han: it's great, right? :D

kitten: i changed my mind again

kitten: i'm not anyone's father anymore

kitten: you're officially disowned

felicks: wait a fuckin second...

seungman: jisung exposes your embarrassing video, and all three of us are disowned? how does that make sense?

kitten: it simply doesn't, but i have decided that logic is a thing of the past

kitten: jisung exposed me so you're all disowned now. bye children. i never loved you

peter han: noo hahah but youre so sexy

felicks: mm yeah haha don't disown us

felicks: youre too sexc

maknae on top: ...i feel like they're quoting something, and i'd rather not know what

seungman: actually, they don't need to be quoting something to be weird

seungman: somehow they manage on their own

Tall Boy: i've never met them but based on the energy they radiate... that makes sense

peter han: it honestly makes me really happy to know that i radiate Weird Chaotic Energy

felicks: same

felicks: love that for me <3

kitten: felix has chaotic good energy

kitten: jisung is chaotic neutral

kitten: and seungmin is chaotic evil

daddy: nooo don't call your kids evil :((

seungman: lmao i see why though

seungman: and don't worry chan, it's just a joke

kitten: he once put ice-cream in jisung's mouth when jisung was sleeping

seungman: it was a prank

peter han: that was actually really funny

maknae on top: lol what

maknae on top: what goes on in the lee household?

seungman: hang on,, why are we the lee household?

Tall Boy: because you're minho's kids! that means you are the lee household

felicks: oh wait my last name is also lee! it makes sense!!!

seungman: yes but actually we are the lee-han-kim household

peter han: delete the lines! make it look ugly

peter han: it's the leehankim household

daddy: does that make us the bangseohwangyang household?

kitten: confusing but yes

kitten: that's right

daddy: i can't pronounce that so i'm really glad i won't have to say it out loud

Tall Boy: bad news

Tall Boy: you're gonna have to say it out loud when we get together

peter han: once all of us meet it's over for you bitches

Tall Boy: wait maybe i should meet jisung

peter han: oh yeah we're in the same class

Tall Boy: actually i realized after the first time we talked that i know who you are!

peter han: oh?

peter han: wait everyone else just stopped talking

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: hahaha hello

hyunjin: yes hello again

jisung: didn't wanna annoy everyone else with a conversation they're not a part of

hyunjin: oh yeah i get that :)

hyunjin: so like...

hyunjin: we're in the same class

jisung: this has been established already

hyunjin: lol

hyunjin: but like, we know who each other are

jisung: ...is that grammatically correct??

hyunjin: LMAO idk

jisung: but sorry yeah continue :D

hyunjin: we just haven't talked to each other irl!

jisung: i don't talk a lot but you're right :p

hyunjin: oh right

hyunjin: so like... do you maybe wanna?

jisung: talk?

hyunjin: yeah!

hyunjin: or like

hyunjin: interact?

hyunjin: sorry, i don't know how to say it

hyunjin: hhh i sound so ignorant

hyunjin: hahha sorry

jisung: it's okay, you haven't said anything wrong!

jisung: but i get what you mean

jisung: and yeah! we could talk and like, get to know each other :)

hyunjin: cool!

hyunjin: but uhm

hyunjin: how do you wanna do it?

hyunjin: cause i don't know sign language

jisung: we can just write

hyunjin: okay!

jisung: omg i can't believe we just had to make a plan just to talk to each other

hyunjin: idk about you, but in my defense, i didn't wanna approach you earlier cause i thought it would be kinda weird after only talking once in a random group chat

hyunjin: but now that we've used the chat a few more times i feel like i should talk to you :)

hyunjin: cause obviously we talk in the group chat so it feels weird that i don't even say hello when i see you in class

jisung: yeah same here!

jisung: so i'll see you tomorrow? :D

hyunjin: yeah! see you! :))


	7. cheesecake

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: bro can i have cheesecake after class?

kitten: no

kitten: you literally just had it

peter han: but i'm really good at eating it!

kitten: that does not help your case

peter han: minho

peter han: why would you let my talents go to waste like this? i'm good at eating it!

Tall Boy: let the man have his cheesecake!

peter han: THANK YOU hyunjin!

felicks: cheesecake!

seungman: cheesecake!

maknae on top: cheesecake!

Tall Boy: cheesecake!

peter han: CHEESECAKE!

daddy: ...oh wow

daddy: their dedication is inspiring

kitten: you already had cheesecake today sungie

peter han: >:(

peter han: this is homophibic!

kitten: first of all, you're not even homosexual

kitten: second, i'm dating chan so i'm not homophobic

kitten: third, you misspelled homophobic

peter han: fight me

kitten: nO i'm not gonna fight you

peter han: coward!

kitten: squidward

Tall Boy: ???

kitten: what? it rhymed with coward

peter han: remember when we talked about fighting your siblings?

peter han: yeah i changed my mind

peter han: i would take minho in a fight any day, because he's too coward to fight me

kitten: that's not grammatically correct

peter han: fight me!

kitten: NO

peter han: see? a coward :/

daddy: jisung stop telling minho to fight you

daddy: minho let the boy have his cheesecake

peter han: !!!

kitten: okay fine

kitten: just know that i do not support this

maknae on top: well now that that's out of the way, i have something to say

daddy: what is it innie? :)

maknae on top: whoever brings me chocolate the fastest gets to be my best friend for the next hour

Tall Boy: where r u?

maknae on top: you know all the benches over by the trees where people are always smoking?

maknae on top: yeah, i'm sitting on one of the benches :)

peter han: lmao i can see you from the window of the art classroom i'm in rn

maknae on top: !!! do u have chocolate

peter han: i have twinkies?

maknae on top: omg can i have some

peter han: sure

peter han: go stand under the window

peter han: i'm opening it now!

Tall Boy: i'm in the same class and i'm waving wildly behind jisung

Tall Boy: do you see it? :D

maknae on top: i see you!

daddy: don't throw twinkies at innie!!!

peter han: we weren't gonna do that!

peter han: i have string

changbean: you have what now?

peter han: string!

peter han: we can tie the twinkies to the string and lower them down carefully :)

peter han: look at me go, being responsible! wow

Tall Boy: don't make the knot too strong or the twinkie is gonna break

peter han: ya i'm not dumb

Tall Boy: :/

daddy: wait a minute...

daddy: are you two texting in class???

Tall Boy: is that a rhetorical question?

Tall Boy: cause i mean, the answer is kinda obvious

daddy: ...my disappointment in you is immeasurable :/

changbean: no offense but isn't that your own fault? you shouldn't have had any expectations in the first place

daddy: shut up changbean

changbean: i state facts, and i get attacked :(

changbean: oh!

changbean: i also have a question by the way

daddy: not sure if i actually wanna hear it, but go ahead

changbean: can you bleach clothes with alcohol?

daddy: i don't think i want to get involved in this...

felicks: hand sanitizer can bleach clothes!

felicks: it sounds less edgy than doing it with alcohol but i know it works

kitten: it concerns me that you know this...

seungman: okay but are you really surprised?

seungman: it's felix we're talking about

kitten: you know what, that's a good point :)

changbean: okay

changbean: thanks felix

daddy: binnie what are you gonna do?

changbean: bye bye

daddy: binnie

daddy: don't bleach your clothes with hand sanitizer

maknae on top: too late, he already said bye :)

maknae on top: by the way i got my twinkies now! :D

kitten: hang on!!!!!

kitten: did jisung and hyunjin meet irl?

Tall Boy: you only realized that now? that was like the first thing that happened in this convo

kitten: actually, the first thing was jisung asking for cheesecake

Tall Boy: :/

kitten: lol yeah but it did not connect in my mind until just now

kitten: so you two met? officially?

peter han: yup ^.^

Tall Boy: i accidentally stabbed him in the hand with a pencil and he accidentally hit me in the face!

peter han: that's true :)

daddy: damn... it's that chaotic already?

daddy: i'm not sure it's a good idea for you two to get to know each other

Tall Boy: i think it's a great idea! :D

daddy: of course you do

daddy: you're you

peter han: yess! hyunjin is fun :)

peter han: it's been like an hour since we met and he makes a lot of dramatic facial expressions

peter han: i appreciate that

maknae on top: lmao he really does

daddy: minho

kitten: yes?

daddy: is it morally bad for us to disown them?

kitten: oh yeah, definitely

seungman: but that hasn't stopped minho before :/

kitten: and it won't stop me this time either :)

kitten: wait

kitten: i don't think i ever adopted you again after the last time i disowned you...?

felicks: that's right! you didn't

felicks: we're currently unadopted

daddy: minho!!! take them back!!!

Tall Boy: he goes from talking about disowning us to saying that minho has to adopt you

Tall Boy: it's a bit confusing

kitten: okay fiiiiiine

peter han: don't be so cold! you love us :(

felicks: yeah :(

kitten: but do i actually want you guys as my children?

kitten: i'm not too sure about that :)

seungman: we're having family dinner tomorrow

kitten: i'll happily miss it :)

peter han: felix is cooking

kitten: on second thought, you're all adopted again!

kitten: i love my children! <3

seungman: lmao, bribery always work

kitten: bad child

kitten: who taught you that?

felicks: you did...

kitten: oh... yeah that's right, lmao

daddy: jisung and hyunjin, put your phones away and stop supplying innie with twinkies

peter han: yessir!

Tall Boy: yessir!

daddy: and everyone else probably has something they should be doing right now instead of being annoying in the gc

seungman: yeah probably

felicks: seungmin!

felicks: do you wanna paint minho's room pink? :D

kitten: wait what

seungman: yes that sounds fun! but i don't wanna die and he'll probably murder us if we try, sooo

felicks: oh...

kitten: seungmin is right

kitten: listen to seungmin

kitten: he's a smart child

seungman: you literally just called me a bad child :/

kitten: yeah i did :)

seungman: ok

seungman: thanks for absolutely nothing then, i guess


	8. conspiracies

**(8): drug deal gang!**

Tall Boy: isn't it kinda funny that seungmin was born september 22nd

Tall Boy: and jisung was born september 14th and felix september 15th

Tall Boy: and the area 51 raid was on september 20th

Tall Boy: seems kinda funny if you ask me

maknae on top: what are you getting at?

changbean: he's saying they're aliens, jeongin.

Tall Boy: no no i'm not saying anything!

Tall Boy: it's just kinda... funny

seungman: i'm really not following this logic?

daddy: it's simple

daddy: there is no logic

Tall Boy: think about it!

Tall Boy: aliens arrive on earth

Tall Boy: they ask some random stranger what day is it

maknae on top: this is already unrealistic

Tall Boy: they find out it's september 20th

Tall Boy: (that means their birthday is september 20th)

Tall Boy: but they can't have people knowing they're aliens!

Tall Boy: so they need to come up with fake birthdays for themselves!

changbean: ...are you saying everyone born on september 20th is an alien?

Tall Boy: so they play rock paper scissors to decide who gets to be the oldest

Tall Boy: jisung wins and gets september 14th

Tall Boy: seungmin loses and gets september 22nd

Tall Boy: felix didn't play cause he thinks this is ridiculous so they just put him in the middle

Tall Boy: bam! their birthdays are just conspiracies to cover up the fact that they're aliens!

daddy: your logic is so flawed, i don't even know where to start...

kitten: 1. the area 51 raid was on september 20th, that date has nothing to do with when the aliens arrived on earth

kitten: 2. the raid was in 2019 and the triplets were born in 2000

kitten: 3. aliens wouldn't ask what day it is, because they wouldn't measure time the same way as humans and therefore it would have no significance to them

kitten: 4. aliens would probably have information about earth before arriving here, so they wouldn't approach a stranger with questions

kitten: 5. they probably wouldn't speak any human language

kitten: 6. they wouldn't know what september 20th even means, to them it's just gibberish and random numbers

kitten: 7. if they were making up fake birthdays, they probably wouldn't pick days in the same month

kitten: 8. if they were picking random birthdays, jisung and felix wouldn't have the days after each other

kitten: 9. felix would never skip a game of rock paper scissors. trust me on this, he would never

daddy: ^^what he said

felicks: oh damn that last argument was really good

felicks: yeah you're absolutely right

Tall Boy: you guys are no fun :(

felicks: but anyway

felicks: are we all in agreement that aliens are real?

seungman: uhh, of course!

peter han: what do you think we are, idiots???

daddy: i mean...

daddy: you are idiots, but yes aliens are real

maknae on top: hey! speaking of aliens

maknae on top: what if we had a get together so i can meet you all in real life? :D

changbean: wait let me meme you

changbean: jeongin: "speaking of aliens..."

changbean: jeongin: *says something completely unrelated to aliens*

seungman: bad job but A+ for effort

changbean: ...

changbean: you know what innie, i don't think i want to meet these people irl :/

maknae on top: oh? :(

Tall Boy: iT IS THE POUT!!!

Tall Boy: CODE RED CODE RED

changbean: holy shit i take it back!

changbean: i would love to meet everyone!!!

maknae on top: :D

daddy: oh nice!

daddy: minho, what do you and your side of the family think? :)

kitten: i think it sounds neat but let me converse with my children first

felicks: yay!

seungman: yay!

peter han: yay!

kitten: it seems they would be delighted to participate in your friendly get together, christopher

felicks: who da fuck is christopher?

daddy: ...it's me

daddy: that's my name

peter han: wHAT

peter han: but that sounds so weird though...?

peter han: you really don't feel like a christopher to me

maknae on top: sometimes we forget his name so we call him chanathan, christiano, chanian or something like that when we wanna use his full name :p

felicks: chrisnaldo

peter han: chanantha

seungman: chrissica

maknae on top: they learn so fast :')

maknae on top: i'm so proud of them <3

daddy: yeah yeah enough about that

daddy: when can everyone meet? :)

kitten: is anyone NOT free this saturday?

daddy: ...

daddy: no objections, so i'm assuming that means everyone's free then

daddy: good!

Tall Boy: YAY :D

Tall Boy: where do we meet??

changbean: chan's apartment!

maknae on top: yes! chan's apartment!

daddy: oh no...

daddy: y'all are gonna empty my fridge again :/

maknae on top: yes but you love us anyways <3

daddy: loving you is more of an obligation at this point <3

maknae on top: shut up, that was rude <3

daddy: i don't care <3

seungman: ...that's a weird context to use hearts

seungman: but to each their own, i guess

Tall Boy: okay so we're meeting in chan's apartment this saturday! :)

Tall Boy: we never said at what time so i guess that means you can show up whenever you want

daddy: no wait

maknae on top: ooh!

maknae on top: i'm coming at 6 am then :D

changbean: i'll be there at 11 pm

daddy: no guys stop wait

daddy: let's pick a reasonable hour and everyone can try to arrive as close to that time as possible, okay?

daddy: how about 1 pm?

peter han: too early!!!!!

maknae on top: "early" boiiii that's only two hours before my bedtime :(

peter han: i can't tell, but i really hope you're joking

peter han: that's like 2 hours after my bedtime and 2 hours before my wakeup time :/

daddy: 3 pm then?

peter han: works for me!

kitten: yeah sure! i'll get all my children there on time

changbean: i can't promise anything but i'll try to get me and hyunjin there by 3 pm

maknae on top: and i'll be sleeping in chan's fridge so i'll already be there <3

daddy: no you won't <3

maknae on top: bitch you can't stop me <3

daddy: stop fucking cussing so much <3

maknae on top: no fuck off <3

daddy: no u <3

maknae on top: sure thing <3

seungman: ...what?

seungman: actually never mind

seungman: i don't wanna know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah hi i changed my profile pic because 1. this one has both my biases in it and 2. i like orange and 3. idk i just wanted to
> 
> anyway, i was considering putting my instagram here if anyone wants to dm me and be friends and send memes or whatever but then i realized that 1. i am very bad at initiating conversations 2. i am very bad at responding 3. i love having friends but don't really like getting to know people, but i also love learning new things about people (which i know is contradictory) so idk. anyway that's the situation
> 
> OH also i watched captain marvel again yesterday and you can think whatever you want about that movie but when she said "I have nothing to prove to you" my emotions always go AAAAAAAAAAAAAA and i just. i love it a lot


	9. father sun relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in the first chat, minho's name is father and jisung is sun in case it wasn't obvious enough :p

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: minho i'm scared of meeting everyone

sun: or well not about meeting them

sun: i mean i meet new people all the time, and we've already talked in the group chat so i know i like them

father: okay, so what's bothering you ji?

father: is it about being excluded?

sun: yeah...

father: jisung you don't have to be worried about that

sun: chan and his friends don't know asl and i feel like you're just gonna be talking and no one will bother translating and i'll always be one step behind everyone else cause i can't communicate the same way

father: hey, slow down sungie!

father: first of all, i'll translate for you, and no i won't get caught up talking to everyone else and forget about you

sun: are you sure

sun: what if you're busy talking to someone and i'm left not understanding what the rest are talking about?

father: if that worries you then i can promise to not leave your side when we meet them tomorrow

father: but you know felix and seungmin also know fluent asl, so they'll definitely translate if needed

father: and chan has actually asked me for tips on how to start learning, so he's watched some videos

father: he's not fluent but he knows basic phrases + the alphabet, so he can fingerspell

sun: really???

father: yes? why is that surprising

father: he wants to be able to communicate with you better

sun: oh! a good father 😔🙏🏼

sun: tell your boyfriend that if you guys ever break up, i demand you share custody after the divorce!

sun: man, i love chan

father: thanks for having no faith in our relationship :/

father: also i just sent screenshots of your messages to him :)

sun: mINHO

father: lmao anyway

father: another thing about feeling like you're gonna be excluded when we meet up tomorrow

father: idk if you've noticed, but me & lix & minnie say things in asl even when you're not involved in the conversation

father: when we're out together and felix sees something he finds funny, he gestures at it and makes his funny face instead of saying something out loud

father: i've seen him do it with other people as well, it's more of a habit at this point

sun: what are you getting at?

father: it's not the same thing, but the four of us will definitely say things that the other four won't understand since sign language is how we always interact

father: i mean, we will make an effort to say things out loud so they're not excluded, but i don't think you have to worry about being dragged along without any idea what's going on

father: you're not anyone's second thought, you know?

father: saying things in a way you can understand isn't some Extra Length we have to go, it's just a different way to communicate

father: and sure, we'll have to figure out how to make it work in this new group setting since they don't know asl

father: but we will figure it out

sun: okay...

father: you hang out with hyunjin alone, and he doesn't know asl but you guys still make it work

sun: yeah

father: everything will be fine tomorrow, and if it's not, tell me and we can fix it

father: okay?

sun: yeah you're right

sun: i guess i'm just worried because these are people that i actually wanna be friends with, so i care about the impression they get

sun: and it's hard to make a first impression when people don't understand you

father: yes and i see that, but you don't have to worry

father: i know that me saying that probably doesn't help much with your anxiety

father: but they like talking to you in the chat, so technically they already like your personality

sun: hhhh you're so nice, i wanna hug you :(

sun: when are you coming home?

father: what are you talking about???

father: i'm at home right now

father: when are YOU coming home?

sun: ??? i'm also at home right now

father: boi... are you telling me we could have had this entire conversation face to face?

father: smh :/

father: anyway, i'm gonna come crashing into your room in 10 seconds!!!

father: prepare for cuddles!!!!!!

sun: yay :D

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

changbean: will we ever change the chat name

changbean: one of life's greatest mysteries...

changbean: when will hyunjin decide that enough is enough, and set the chat name to something socially acceptable?

Tall Boy: oooh time for Existential Questions™!

Tall Boy: where did cotton eye joe come from?

felicks: what is love?

peter han: is annie ok?

seungman: what does the fox say?

maknae on top: who let the dogs out?

Tall Boy: this!!!

Tall Boy: the most important questions ever asked

changbean: ...all i wanted was a new chat name, not more bs :/

seungman: hey, don't say bs!!!

seungman: in this household we type out bullshit like real adults

felicks: no abbreviations in this holy group chat!

kitten: changbin, why do you want a new chat name?

kitten: i think this one is great :)

changbean: it really isn't :/

felicks: thAT's mY oPINIOoON!!!!

changbean: did you just...

changbean: quote a vine...

changbean: in the year 2020?

changbean: you do know vine has been dead for three years, right?

seungman: vine is dead and so are we

seungman: (on the inside)

Tall Boy: damn, that's deep

peter han: no, that's just the name of our family group chat! :D

peter han: or like... our previous family group chat?

peter han: the group chat of the leehankim household

maknae on top: oh i see!

maknae on top: we have one for the bangseohwangyang household as well :)

seungman: what's that one called?

daddy: "the zoo"

daddy: and all our screen names are different animals

daddy: but we're not furries, i swear!!!

changbean: chan is kangaroo, hyunjin is llama, jeongin is fennec fox, and i'm pabbit

felicks: that's nice, but what's a pabbit?

Tall Boy: pig + rabbit :)

Tall Boy: said in the nicest way possible :)

maknae on top: okay but if your group chat is named after vine, what are your screen names in it?

felicks: we're all named after iconic vines 😔🙏

felicks: my name is yeet

daddy: yEET!

felicks: YEET!

seungman: oh no...

seungman: the australians are wilding again

Tall Boy: again?

Tall Boy: are you implying they've wilded out together before?

kitten: all they do is yell "yeet" really loudly while blasting edm music and doing weird australian dance moves

felicks: you uncultrerd prick, it's called muzzing!

kitten: you illiterate child, it's spelled "uncultured"!

felicks: :/

kitten: :)

peter han: this is unrelated, but i once spelled child as chilled

maknae on top: ...inch resting

kitten: yes hello everyone

kitten: this is jisung han, he is my chilled and i love him very much

felicks: okay but why did i actually read that as child?

Tall Boy: omg

Tall Boy: i didn't even notice it was misspelled

daddy: guys, can we please get back to the point?

Tall Boy: was there ever a point?

Tall Boy: i have no idea what this conversation is about

Tall Boy: i was just enjoying the random bullshit :)

maknae on top: same! we don't need a topic, everyone can just say what they're thinking

seungman: suddenly i have no thoughts

felicks: no thoughts, head empty

peter han: no head, thoughts empty

Tall Boy: head thoughts, no empty

maknae on top: empty no head thoughts

daddy: OKAY

daddy: thank you so much for your contributions everyone

daddy: now please stop <3

maknae on top: i don't think i will <3

daddy: then i will have to resort to violence <3

maknae on top: sir you can't do that, that's illegal <3

daddy: i do what i want <3

maknae on top: sir, i'm gonna have to ask you to leave <3

daddy: jeongin this is literally my house, the fuck are you on about <3

maknae on top: sir, please leave the premises <3

daddy: no? i will not <3

maknae on top: i will find you and you will regret it <3

daddy: you can try <3

seungman: what the actual fuck is going on

seungman: are they both in chan's apartment right now?

kitten: yeah i think so

kitten: let's just ignore them :)

seungman: okay...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i know what i said yesterday but that was in the past, i'm a changed person now (jk, not at all lmao)
> 
> anyway my insta is slytherinsquirrel :] i never post but i'm on there a lot so if you wanna send a meme or rant or have a completely normal conversation, feel free :D


	10. kermit wannabe teletubbie

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: da fuq guys

peter han: who stole my kermit wannabe teletubbie?

daddy: i'm sorry, your WHAT

seungman: jisung what the fuck

kitten: oh!

kitten: he means his toothbrush

Tall Boy: wHAT THE FUCK THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE

changbean: i am so confused right now

changbean: minho's response did not clear anything up

maknae on top: a toothbrush = kermit wannabe teletubbie...?

felicks: that phrasing has the same energy as when jisung called country music "farm emo music"

daddy: LMAO

peter han: well that's how i remember it :)

peter han: isn't it accurate?

seungman: lol, it is

Tall Boy: a comedic connoisseur

peter han: anyway, i can't leave the house without my toothbrush

peter han: nO wait

peter han: that's not what i meant to say!!!!

seungman: ...why would you bring your toothbrush when you leave the house?

peter han: i meant that i can't leave the house without brushing my teeth!

peter han: and my toothbrush is gone so i can't brush my teeth :(

peter han: anyway, happy saturday!

Tall Boy: ohMYGOSH I FORGOT WE'RE ALL MEETING TODAY!!!

daddy: smh, how could you forget :/

changbean: this chat is a trainwreck...

changbean: are y'all ready to meet irl?

Tall Boy: i think a better question is, are you ready to meet us irl? :)

changbean: no i'm definitely not

changbean: my sanity won't survive

daddy: what sanity? :)

changbean: HEY! this is slander!!!

changbean: but kinda true tbh

maknae on top: it's good that you can at least recognize that you have no sanity :)

daddy: i'll see you all on my doorstep in less than two hours!

kitten: chan is really out here ending the conversation like that

kitten: i think he just doesn't wanna talk to us anymore

daddy: that's true

daddy: but if you wanna contact me, i have an email you can use

daddy: it's idontgiveafuck@leavemealone.com

daddy: you can expect a response within 10-15 business years

kitten: oh wow

=

**(4): vine is dead and so are we (on the inside)**

im in me mums car: if i told you...

im in me mums car: that i gave birth...

im in me mums car: on the way to chan's apartment...

im in me mums car: would you believe me???

yeet: omg! boy or girl? :D

freestyle dance teacher: jisung i'm sorry to tell you this but you are a male

freestyle dance teacher: you lack the reproductive system required to birth a child

freestyle dance teacher: (and felix stop supporting him!)

weather boi: he probably just found an animal on the way and decided to adopt it

im in me mums car: i have already developed a deep emotional connection to this cat

im in me mums car: they are my child

im in me mums car: you can't force me to leave it :(

freestyle dance teacher: omg your child is a cat???

weather boi: oh no

weather boi: minho please

weather boi: just because it's a cat doesn't mean you can do a 180 and suddenly support jisung's decision to kidnap a random cat that he found on the street

freestyle dance teacher: it's not kidnapping if it's done with good intentions

weather boi: that... is a horrible morality, holy shit

weather boi: who allowed you to have children???

freestyle dance teacher: but seungmin, don't you see? :)

freestyle dance teacher: clearly i've done a good job raising my children if you can realize what a bad morality that is!

im in me mums car: the cat has a collar but i'm too emotionally attached to leave it :(

im in me mums car: this truly is the saddest day of my life

freestyle dance teacher: aww...

freestyle dance teacher: i'm glad the cat has a home but i would have loved to meet it

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

maknae on top: i have a water gun and i'm not afraid to use it

Tall Boy: innie where are you?

Tall Boy: i thought you were just going to the kitchen to get cookies

maknae on top: i'm in the bathroom and filling up my water gun right now!

Tall Boy: well chan isn't using his phone but he said, and i quote, "someone stop innie!"

maknae on top: bold of him to assume i can be stopped :) 

maknae on top: as far as i know, no one else here has a water gun :)

Tall Boy: it's chan's apartment though so he might have one

daddy: guys stop texting :/

daddy: and innie, get back to the living room

maknae on top: okay fiiiine

=

**(private chat): hyunjin, jisung**

hyunjin: this movie is kinda boring

hyunjin: i miss sitting next to you so we could use your phone to talk :(

hyunjin: texting feels less personal for some reason

jisung: boi we're just sitting on two different couches

jisung: i could literally walk over to you at any moment

hyunjin: but there are no seats left next to me :(

jisung: uhh, Laps? are a thing?

jisung: unless you don't like sitting on people's laps/having people sit in your lap?

hyunjin: !!! you're right

hyunjin: do you wanna sit in my lap? :D

hyunjin: omg you're walking toward me

hyunjin: omg

hyunjin: you're here!!!

jisung: stop texting i am literally in your lap

jisung: but yes <3

hyunjin: ok <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOTH ITZY AND DREAMCATCHER HAD A COMEBACK TODAY AND I AM #OVERWHELMED
> 
> anyway jisung is me in this chapter because i also develop deep emotional connections to cats after meeting them once


	11. post-apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new group chat is introduced! aka jisung's siblings
> 
> just fyi here are the groups his siblings in this story are from:  
> Young K/brain - DAY6  
> Mark - GOT7  
> Mia - Everglow  
> Yuna - ITZY

**(8): drug deal gang!**

daddy: we are now living in post apocalyptic times

seungman: wait what

seungman: when did the apocalypse happen?

daddy: all of us meeting irl was the apocalypse :)

maknae on top: oooh yeah, that makes sense

changbean: says you

changbean: innie, you were single handedly responsible for 80% of all the chaos

maknae on top: false news! stop spreading these lies about me!

maknae on top: it makes me sad :(

daddy: changbin, don't make him sad!

changbean: i literally-

changbean: ok.

changbean: i see how it is :/

peter han: don't worry changbin, i like you! :D

changbean: ahh, thanks jisung <3

kitten: he's only saying that because you're shorter than him

kitten: he's tired of being the shortest :)

changbean: ...

peter han: minho is lying

peter han: (partially)

peter han: i like you for more than your height!

changbean: why do i still come online to this group chat when all you do is insult me :/

Tall Boy: because you love us...?

changbean: do i though?

changbean: i'm not too sure about that :)

daddy: well... we won't let you leave, so there's that

changbean: ah

changbean: fair point

daddy: anyway do you all wanna repeat what happened yesterday or nah?

maknae on top: i would love to!

maknae on top: how about a water gun war next time?

felicks: oh oh!

felicks: or we could have a nerf war!

daddy: how about... we don't do that

daddy: we could meet at a cafe after school or something? :)

changbean: chan's idea sounds reasonable, let's do that instead

maknae on top: boring :/

maknae on top: but sure

peter han: yes! good idea! :D

peter han: wait my siblings are texting me

Tall Boy: siblings? plural?

peter han: yeah i have four :p

Tall Boy: i thought you had one? an older brother?

Tall Boy: isn't that what you told us? :o

peter han: well, brian is my only biological sibling

peter han: but i have three more :p

peter han: and they're texting me rn

daddy: okay, we can make better plans together later :)

=

**(5): the fam's all here!!!**

Young K: fam...

Young K: brothers and sisters...

Young K: companions...

Young K: GUYS CAN YOU RESPOND TODAY? PLEASE???

yuna: we're not talking to you until you change your screen name, brian

Young K: whO IS BRIAN???

Young K: but whatever

Young K: i'll do it just bc i want your attention

**Young K** changed their name to **brain**

brain: fuck i misspelled it

yuna: wait don't change it!!!

yuna: this is good :)

Mark: Hello everyone

Mark: I regret to inform you that I am here now

yuna: stop capitalizing it freaks me out

Mark: Capitalize or die.

yuna: i guess we'll just die then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

yuna: also where's everyone else?

yuna: i wanna say "the gang's all here!" but the gang'sn't all here

brain: can you... maybe... learn how english contractions work?

yuna: no thanks i'd rathern't :)

jisung: i HAVE ARRIVED!!!

jisung: HELLO LOSERS

Mark: Why did you capitalize every single letter except the one that's supposed to be capitalized?

jisung: it's just one of my many charms :)

jisung: anyway where's eunji?

mia: for fuck's sake jisung i will fucking kill you

jisung: ah, there she is, our lovely eunji

jisung: always a ray of sunshine

mia: refer to me as mia or don't refer to me at all

yuna: oop-

yuna: but anyway

yuna: the gang's all here!!! :D

brain: fiNALLY

brain: anyway i just wanted to tell yall that we're all gonna be in the same city next week

Mark: ...is that it?

brain: yeah

brain: oOOHHH YOU DIDNT CAPITALIZE THE FIRST LETTER! I CAUGHT YOU

Mark: THAT DOESN'T COUNT

Mark: THERE WAS AN ELLIPSIS BEFORE THE FIRST WORD

brain: IRRELEVANT!

brain: I CAUGHT YOU SLIPPING!!!!!

mia: ...can you believe these guys are 27 years old?

yuna: allegedly

jisung: technically, brian isn't 27 yet cause his birthday is in december

yuna: lmao what a loser

jisung: ...but your birthday is also in december

yuna: i stand by what i said

brain: yeah ok anyway

brain: do y'all maybe wanna make plans together for next week? catch up? :)

brain: personally i wouldn't mind seeing your ugly faces again <3

mia: lisigtit

yuna: yyyyys

jisung: ibt

Mark: What they said^^

brain: great guys! i'll text u later so we can make more coherent plans then :)

brain: by the way mork has a boyfriend

Mark: BRIAN

yuna: oOOOOOOH!!!!!

mia: lmao took him long enough

jisung: MORKKKKKKK

Mark: :/

Mark: On second thought, I'm not sure I wanna meet you guys

yuna: tough luck, it's too late to back out now <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> people say that that jisung is brian's clone (you know jyp clones their artists)… and i bias both jisung and brian… what does that mean


	12. living together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these chats don't all take place the same day but i think you'll notice that cause minho starts two conversations the exact same way but it's on two different days so it makes sense :p

**(private chat): father, sun**

father: jisung there's someone at the door

sun: then open it

father: i can't i just got out of the shower

father: i'm naked

father: please get it

sun: okay fiiiiiine

=

father: uuuuh jisung

father: where did you go?

sun: omg i forgot to tell you!

sun: it was hyunjin at the door and he asked if i wanted to go to the park with him so we're there now! sorry!

father: it's fine, just got kinda worried when i couldn't find you

sun: sorry!!!

father: chill, it's fine :)

father: are you having a good time with hyunjin? ;)

sun: eww

sun: Sir, i'm gonna have to ask you to Stop with your winky smileys

sun: they disturb me

father: No i will not :)

father: but seriously are you having a good time?

sun: yeah! i really like hyunjin!

father: oh? ;)

sun: minho sTOP

sun: yes i like him and yes i'm having a good time

father: like him in what way? ;)

sun: 좋아합니다

father: stop distracting me with day6 song titles!

father: or wait... is that song title a response to my question?

sun: bye i gotta go! we're buying ice cream now! :D

father: jisuuungieee

=

**(private chat): father, sun**

father: jisung can you get the door

sun: why can't you get it?

father: i'm literally sexting with chan right now

father: my dick is hard, i can't open the door like this

sun: oHM YGOD MY EEYS

sun: I PRETEND I DO NOT SEE

father: you asked :)

sun: I REGRET

sun: okay i'm at the door now

sun: hOLY FUCK NOOOOOOO

sun: YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HERE

sun: FUCK THIS SHIT I'M LEAVING

sun: I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW

father: sorry sungie :p

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: hi my favoritest person in the entirest world <3

hyunjin: grammatically incorrect, but cute

hyunjin: so what's up? <3

jisung: i just got sexiled from my own dorm

hyunjin: oof, that sounds like a problem

hyunjin: where are you gonna sleep tonight? :(

jisung: see, that's why i texted you!

jisung: my favoritest, the most bestest person i know!

jisung: usually i would go to felix and seungmin in tiems like these, but we've hung out a lot recently and i really enjoy your company..

hyunjin: you can come over to my place!! if you want?

jisung: yay! thanks hyunjinnie <3

hyunjin: it's no problem <3

hyunjin: do you know where i live or should i meet you somewhere?

jisung: can we meet by the park we went to together a few days ago?

hyunjin: sure! i'll be there in 10 minutes <3

jisung: great! see you soon <3

=

**(private chat): min, channie**

min: hi babe, i miss you <3

channie: minho i left your apartment not even two minutes ago

channie: but yeah i miss you too <3

min: i already know the answer is a no but i'm gonna ask anyway, do you know where jisung went last night?

channie: actually, i do!

channie: hyunjin texted me something like

channie: "eww dad!!!"

channie: "jisung told me everything"

channie: "how could you!!!!!"

channie: "my innocence has eVAPORATED"

min: ...i'm guessing jisung told him we were fucking?

channie: yeah i think so :/

channie: not sure if that means jisung went over to his place yesterday, but they talked :)

min: are they

min: like

min: "IntEresTed" in each other? wink wink?

channie: you're asking me?

channie: uhh,,,

channie: i'm not a mind-reader, but i think The Signs™ are there

channie: or they're just really friendly w each other :)

min: yeah okay i think they like like each other

channie: "like like" boy are you in elementary school or something? XD

channie: you're too old to talk like that

min: and you're too old to use XD unironically, yet here we are :/

channie: but there's no age limit to smileys though???

min: so anyway, i'm gonna go find out where jisung is

min: have a lovely day! <3

channie: aww thanks, you too <3

=

**(4): vine is dead and so are we (on the inside)**

freestyle dance teacher: yo, jisung

im in me mums car: what's up loser!

freestyle dancer teacher: hi gremlin! <3

im in me mums car: hi ogre!!! <3

weather boi: ...are private chats a joke to you?

yeet: private chats: *exist*

yeet: minho & jisung: i think tf not!

freestyle dance teacher: well,,,

freestyle dance teacher: i was gonna ask if jisung is in your apartment, so that's why i used this chat

weather boi: no he's not

weather boi: wait...

weather boi: he's not at home?

freestyle dance teacher: no! he went out last night!

yeet: omg! out into the WORLD? as in, the OUTSIDE???

im in me mums car: guys

im in me mums car: you do know i'm here, right?

weather boi: i never thought i'd see the day!

weather boi: he willingly left his apartment, and didn't immediately go to mine and felix's place?

weather boi: wow

yeet: i didn't know he had other friends to stay with!

im in me mums car: yall are hilarious

weather boi: we know <3

weather boi: but we're just joking with you

weather boi: so where did you do?

yeet: yeah and why did you leave minho alone? :(

im in me mums car: trust me, he was not alone last night :/

im in me mums car: chan came over

yeet: oh worm?

im in me mums car: yup! and they had been sexting right before

im in me mums car: 100% sure they fucked after i left

weather boi: daaamn, you got sexiled?

freestyle dance teacher: jisung stop telling them things they should not know about!

freestyle dance teacher: why are all my children insufferable :/

im in me mums car: you're the one who decided to adopt us :)

freestyle dance teacher: jisung, you were more like a duckling that started following me around

freestyle dance teacher: also, i was five when i met you

freestyle dance teacher: i'm not sure 5 year olds are eligible for adoption

im in me mums car: they are!

im in me mums car: trust me, i'm adopted!

freestyle dance teacher: just because you're adopted doesn't mean everything you say about adoption is automatically true...

im in me mums car: yes it is!

im in me mums car: trust me, i'm adopted

yeet: lmao

freestyle dance teacher: okay

freestyle dance teacher: the only thing i wanted to know is where you are right now

freestyle dance teacher: i'm guessing you're still at hyunjin's?

im in me mums car: yeah but he left so i'm hanging out with changbin now

freestyle dance teacher: oh wow! my son is making friends!

freestyle dance teacher: i'm so proud of him :')

im in me mums car: thanks dad <3

yeet: aww

weather boi: i can't decide if it's wholesome or disturbing...

yeet: why can't it be both?

weather boi: you know what

weather boi: you're right and you should say it

freestyle dance teacher: ji, text me when you're coming home

freestyle dance teacher: i'll make lunch

im in me mums car: !!!

yeet: nooo i love minho's cooking!

yeet: can i also come?

freestyle dance teacher: you don't even live here :/

weather boi: i also want food

weather boi: please minho

freestyle dance teacher: okay, can you buy rice cakes on the way here?

yeet: of course!

yeet: anything for you beyonce!

weather boi: just because the theme of this chat is vines doesn't mean you have to make vine references :/

yeet: ??? yes it does

weather boi: it literally doesn't???

weather boi: that's not a requirement to be in this chat

im in me mums car: yes it is???

weather boi: stop

weather boi: no

yeet: aww seungmin, are you getting tired of us? :D

im in me mums car: minho i'm coming home now!

yeet: omg we need to get rice cakes

yeet: seungmin get up! get up! get up!

weather boi: saying it three times doesn't make it happen any faster

freestyle dance teacher: okay BYE SEE YOU SOON GOOD LUCK DON'T DIE ON THE WAY HERE ETC

yeet: ..."etc"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha, it feels like it's been yEARS since my last update cause school started again and school really messes with my perception of time :p


	13. stop throwing gum

**(8): drug deal gang!**

kitten: seungmin stop throwing your gum at people

seungman: no

felicks: it's his coping mechanism!

felicks: minho, don't take it away from him

peter han: i thought blasting day6 was his coping mechanism?

seungman: oh yeah that too

felicks: omg it's actually so sweet how much he loves that band

felicks: like??? that sibling love???

seungman: no no no there's no sibling love here

seungman: i hate wonpil

kitten: well that's a lie

seungman: but you have to admit they make great music!

seungman: stan day6 y'all

Tall Boy: wait omg

Tall Boy: you're related to kim wonpil???

seungman: yeah i am, he's my brother :)

kitten: and jisung's brother is young k

Tall Boy: wait for real? omg

peter han: honestly they're not that cool irl

peter han: if you take away his bass, brian is a fucking nerd

maknae on top: oooh exPosEd...!

seungman: and wonpil is an awkward mess without his keyboard

seungman: i genuinely believe that their instruments have magical powers that somehow turn them into these Cool Suave Dudes™ when they're on stage

peter han: tbh that could be true

daddy: oh hey guys! :)

daddy: how about we make plans?

changbean: this wednesday around 5 pm at cafe haven

changbean: any objections?

maknae on top: nope that sounds good!

Tall Boy: i agree!

peter han: me too!

felicks: me three!

seungman: me four

kitten: me five, i guess

daddy: great!

daddy: we made a plan!

=

**(5): the fam's all here!!!**

yuna: yo

yuna: what's the plan for this week?

jisung: i'm free everyday except wednesday

brain: i'm free everyday except friday

Mark: I'm free everyday except tuesday

yuna: wow y'all busy

yuna: anyway does that mean thursday is free real estate?

mia: yup!

brain: great! then it's a plan :)

mia: okay wait

mia: we never actually learned why everyone is in the same city this week

brain: it's not that complicated

brain: you and jisung are already here cause of college, mark lives here, i'm coming cause of a show and yuna is coming because our parents are coming

jisung: wait, why are our parents coming?

Mark: I think it was thanks to Yuna

yuna: i just wanted to see my fam :(

yuna: is that really so wrong :(

mia: aww yuna bb that's so sweet! we wanna see you too!

yuna: jisung and mia abandoned me because they wanted an "education" :(

yuna: the house is so empty without you losers

jisung: it's just one more year before you join us in college!

yuna: if i even get in :((

mia: oh no

mia: sad hours

brain: ahh, our 막내

yuna: life is Unfair

yuna: brian & mark were both born the same year

yuna: then jisung & mia were also born the same year

yuna: i'm loooooonely :(((

Mark: We're gonna see you in three days, you won't be lonely for long

jisung: yeah and we're gonna suffocate you in hugs <3

jisung: you will regret missing us :)

yuna: ...

yuna: so anyway

yuna: anything new i should know about before we meet? any new hair colors? piercings? will brian show up with a tattoo on his forehead?

brain: why would i???

mia: my hair is blonde but that shouldn't be a surprise

mia: i facetimed you while i was bleaching it

jisung: i actually dyed my hair blue today :D

Mark: Good to know, but now it is time to say goodbye. Bye guys, I don't wanna talk to you anymore <3

yuna: thanks oppa, we love you too <3

mia: omg stop romanizing things like that, it looks disgusting

yuna: no, sorry unnie <3

mia: i won't hesitate to block you

yuna: maybe you will block me, but you will definitely hesitate first <3

jisung: hate to say it but she's right

jisung: no one could block yuna without hesitating first

mia: :/

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: on a scale of 1-10, how shocked would you be if seungmin & felix started dating?

kitten: about a zero

peter han: boi, that wasn't even on the scale :/

kitten: i know

kitten: but they were each other's first kiss when they were 12

seungman: IT WAS A DARE

kitten: and then they made out when they were sixteen

felicks: IT WAS SPIN THE BOTTLE

kitten: and yesterday i walked in on them making out in their kitchen

seungman: ...yeah i don't have a good explanation for that one

kitten: so anyway

kitten: yeah i wouldn't be surprised at all

daddy: i thought you had adopted both of them?

daddy: minho you should unadopt one of them or these family dynamics are about to get real weird

kitten: four of our children are interested in each other, it's already weird

Tall Boy: wHAT

felicks: but we can be brothers and still date! nothing wrong with that!

changbean: uhh,,, no that's incest

changbean: which is both disgusting and illegal

felicks: okay i guess you're right... :(

felicks: but i still don't think we should be unadopted

daddy: ...i guess i can excuse incest this one time, but only because you're neither biologically nor legally related to each other

maknae on top: but we are emotionally related to each other!!!

maknae on top: what does that mean

kitten: i don't think you can be convicted for that, so we're good :]

Tall Boy: wait i just realized

Tall Boy: minho said four of us are interested in each other

Tall Boy: we know about felix and seungmin, but who are the other two???

kitten: you should know ;)

Tall Boy: wait, but how do YOU know? did they tell you???

kitten: that's not for me to tell

Tall Boy: i'm only asking how you know this

Tall Boy: i wanna know :(

changbean: okay but there are only four people left that it could be

changbean: please utilize that last brain cell of yours

changbean: i know it's probably working overtime, but try <3

Tall Boy: HEY >:o

maknae on top: what an ugly smiley

Tall Boy: RUDE

Tall Boy: what is this, attack hyunjin day???

daddy: children stop fighting

peter han: hey wait!

peter han: i've already told everyone except jeongin so i might as well say it here

maknae on top: owo?

peter han: innie, your parents fucked two nights ago

daddy: jISUNG

daddy: STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT!!!

maknae on top: ohmygosh

kitten: WHY did you feel the need to bring that up

kitten: just why

peter han: he was the only one who didn't know!

peter han: i didn't want him to feel left out :(

maknae on top: tbh, as scarred as i am, i appreciate it <3

peter han: <3

daddy: great

daddy: i'll see y'all on wednesday ig :/

kitten: that's like three days from now, we're still gonna use the chat before that

daddy: I will See You all on Wednesday.

kitten: ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stray kids everywhere all around the world, you make stay freak the fuck out every single time you post something like holy shit i was still recovering from the seungsung duet and now this trailer??? i love everything


	14. turtle

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: minho, i love you <3

kitten: no, you're not getting a pet turtle

peter han: what the fuck that's homophobic

peter han: fine, whatever

peter han: i didn't want one anyway :/

kitten: for the last fucking time, i'm NOT homophobic

kitten: you're not even homosexual :/

maknae on top: don't you already have a lizard?

peter han: yeah! but what does that have to do with the turtle

maknae on top: ...nevermind

kitten: okay but where would you even keep it?

peter han: look, i've thought about this!

peter han: so obviously i already have an aquarium for dora

changbean: ...dora?

kitten: that's his lizard

kitten: but yes jisung, continue

peter han: i could just get a second aquarium for the turtle!

peter han: here, i read about it on wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Look-After-a-Turtle

peter han: i know how to prepare the aquarium and i know what it needs

peter han: i could do it!

daddy: sorry to interrupt but i don't see where minho comes into this

daddy: you could just get a turtle? why do you need his permission?

kitten: i don't think he wants my permission, he just wants me to go with him to the store

peter han: well, your permission would be appreciated, but yeah i'm gonna do it regardless

peter han: i just need accompaniement to the store!

seungman: that's not a word :/

changbean: or you could go to the pet store yourself?

peter han: uhm

peter han: No Sir, I Absolutely Cannot Do That

peter han: do you know how stressful that is???

peter han: i can't lip read and i can't hear what they're saying when there's a bunch of other noise and none of them know asl

peter han: they could write it down, but some of them don't wanna :/

kitten: yeah okay i'll go with you

kitten: do you have anymore classes today?

peter han: wait we're going today?

kitten: yeah, unless you don't want to?

kitten: obviously you can't bring home the turtle before preparing the aquarium but we could go there today, pick out a turtle, and come back for it later

peter han: you can do that? :o

felicks: omg what are you gonna name it? :D

peter han: honestly... i didn't think i would get this far

seungman: you underestimate minho and how whipped he is for you

seungman: like sure, he may love chan romantically, but that does not make him any less whipped for you as his best friend

kitten: excuse you

felicks: oh yeah that's true!

felicks: minho loves sungie

kitten: absolute slander :/

kitten: anyway we're going to get a turtle today

peter han: yay ^o^

=

**(private chat): hyunjin, changbin**

hyunjin: hi bro

hyunjin: may i vent a little?

hyunjin: you can say no if you're busy, i don't wanna take your time

changbin: no it's fine! i'll listen

changbin: or read, but like, same thing

hyunjin: okay so

hyunjin: i feel like i'm just being over-dramatic even though i don't wanna make a big deal out of this

hyunjin: but i feel sad about jisung

hyunjin: and maybe a bit hurt but that could just be my own fault

hyunjin: i probably should have been better at communication

changbin: what do you feel sad about?

hyunjin: uuuhhghgg

hyunjin: minhojustsaidhesnotgay

hyunjin: and like i know it shouldn't matter but i kinda like him? a little bit? and i guess i'm a bit sad that he's not gay?

hyunjin: and i don't wanna say he's been leading me on but i haven't met anyone else who acts the way jisung does to me so maybe i thought there was a chance

hyunjin: ugh i probably sound stupid rn

changbin: hyunjin

changbin: you realize he could still be attracted to boys, right?

changbin: homosexual isn't the only way for him to like boys

hyunjin: yeah maybe

hyunjin: idk i just assumed minho meant that he's straight/not into boys

changbin: the only way you're gonna know is if you talk to jisung about this

hyunjin: i know...

changbin: and don't worry about it!

changbin: sure, there's a risk he doesn't like you, but you don't need to take it out in advance and be sad before he has even rejected you

changbin: give him a chance first

changbin: okay?

hyunjin: hhhhhhh

hyunjin: yeah you're right

=

**(private chat): changbin, jisung**

changbin: yo

jisung: yo

changbin: do you like hyunjin

jisung: yeah i do

jisung: wait

jisung: in what way do you mean???

changbin: like more than just bros

changbin: like, in a "i would fuck you if you asked" kind of way

jisung: oh

jisung: yeah i do

changbin: cool

jisung: don't tell him though

changbin: nah fam, i wouldn't do that

jisung: thanks bro

=

**(private chat): changbin, hyunjin**

changbin: and hyunjin?

hyunjin: yeah?

changbin: there's nothing to worry about

changbin: jisung likes you a lot as a friend, even if it would turn out he doesn't reciprocate your feelings

changbin: but tbh he does treat you differently compared to the rest of us

changbin: so if i were you, i would wait to see what he has to say <3

hyunjin: oh

hyunjin: thanks for saying that binnie

hyunjin: i appreciate you <3

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

daddy: so did you ever get your turtle?

peter han: yes

peter han: her name is samantha :]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sister just told me that tiktok has predicted that annabelle is gonna murder donald trump today at midnight australian time? idk what's up with that but it sounded fun so i thought i'd share


	15. it is wednesday

**(4): vine is dead and so are we (on the inside)**

yeet: my dudes

yeet: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

im in me mums car: you didn't even say the whole thing but i still know exactly which vine you're quoting

weather boi: when will they make it illegal to make vine references?

weather boi: please god

weather boi: stop these people

freestyle dance teacher: i like it

weather boi: of course you do

weather boi: you also make vine references

weather boi: why can't you just let it die?

freestyle dance teacher: no

freestyle dance teacher: no off topic questions

freestyle dance teacher: because i don't want to

freestyle dance teacher: that's an off topic question

freestyle dance teacher: you have been stopped!

weather boi: ...ok

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

daddy: kids

daddy: i got to the cafe early

daddy: do you want me to order for you? :)

maknae on top: woah, i didn't know you were our sugar daddy as well as our actual father!

daddy: ...

daddy: i'm not your actual father

Tall Boy: ooooh he didn't argue with the sugar daddy part!

daddy: and i'm not your sugar daddy!!!!

daddy: no!!!

daddy: never mind, i'm not buying anything for you ever again :/

maknae on top: no i'm sorry! it was a joke! please pay!

daddy: smh, you just love me for my money

maknae on top: at least i love you for something <3

daddy: that's a bit rude <3

maknae on top: whatever, i don't care <3

maknae on top: i want chocolate cake

daddy: then i will buy you chocolate cake <3

kitten: i just reached the cafe!

kitten: channie, i can order for my children if you take yours

daddy: ok!

kitten: mine are pretty predicable, i don't even think i have to ask what they want

kitten: a cheesecake, a brownie, and tea for seungmin

kitten: am i right?

peter han: yes!

felicks: yup!

seungman: yeah

kitten: how close are you to the cafe?

kitten: also are all three of you coming here together?

felicks: i'm with seungmo rn but idk where jisung is

felicks: probably got distracted by a squirrel or something on the way here

peter han: hey! >:(

Tall Boy: you literally just stopped to coo over a worm

Tall Boy: btw i'm walking with jisungie cause we had class together

Tall Boy: aaaand now he's taking a picture of the worm

peter han: it's yellow and fluffy!

peter han: i've never seen a worm like this before!!!

maknae on top: it's a worm, how good can it be

peter han: don't insult the worm like this! it can't defend itself :(

maknae on top: omg wait i'm sorry i take it back!!!

maknae on top: i also love worms :(

peter han: <3

daddy: yeah so anyway

daddy: i'll see you all soon <3

kitten: we never found out where changbin is though

kitten: what if he got lost on the way here

changbean: it's literally a five minute walk from campus

changbean: it's insulting that you think i can get lost that easily :/

kitten: oh look! the small one is here now <3

changbean: MINHO-

changbean: rude ass mf :/

daddy: binnie don't cuss!

Tall Boy: not gonna lie, i got lost the first time i walked to this cafe by myself

daddy: hyunjin ily but you don't count

daddy: you got lost in your own apartment once

Tall Boy: I WAS DRUNK IT DOESN'T COUNT

maknae on top: hyunjin it's ok

maknae on top: your underdeveloped sense of direction can be kinda cute at times

Tall Boy: ...is that a compliment?

maknae on top: idk tbh

Tall Boy: ok :/

Tall Boy: i guess i'll see you soon

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: what if we played footsies under the table where all our friends are sitting... just you and me... in secret...

jisung: hahahha just kidding!

jisung: unless...?

hyunjin: uwu

jisung: !!!

jisung: hihihi i'm playing footsies with you now uwu

jisung: by the way, your face is really cute <3

hyunjin: MY face?

hyunjin: have you seen your own face cutie?

hyunjin: you're adorable!!

jisung: ALKJSHDJKASHDGAJ

hyunjin: aww are you blushing? <3

jisung: no i'm not

jisung: shut up

jisung: wait omg minho is texting me

=

**(private chat): father, sun**

father: jisung

father: are you,,, mayhaps,,, blushing?

sun: omg stop

father: wait

father: are you and hyunjin playing footsies under the table?

father: holy shit!

sun: ...maybe

father: awwwwww

father: this is the cutest shit!

father: i'm telling chan!

sun: aghsdfjklfsdjhdf

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: please tell me if minho says something about us out loud

jisung: i don't think he will, but you never know with that dude... :/

hyunjin: of course <3

jisung: but anyway

jisung: i still think you're really cute <3

hyunjin: AKJLKAJSHGDSJAKL

hyunjin: you're cuter though <3

jisung: then you're the cutest <3

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

seungman: why is everyone texting when we're sitting at the same table

jisung: because i'm deaf and i wanna be able to talk to hyunjin without anyone translating :)

jisung: Deal With It

seungman: that i can understand, but why is minho on his phone

seungman: if he's talking to you he might as well use asl

kitten: well,,, i had to say something secret

maknae on top: oh! are you talking about hyunsung playing footsies under the table?

maknae on top: cause that's not a secret

peter han: ...

Tall Boy: ...

felicks: ooooooh exPOOOOOSED!

changbean: i wish i could be surprised, but i'm really not

daddy: children

daddy: let's stop teasing jinnie & sungie, okay? :)

maknae on top: sure dad

changbean: okay dad

seungman: i will never stop teasing jisung

seungman: but maybe i'll take a break for now :)

Tall Boy: well then...

peter han: thanks for having no respect for me <3

maknae on top: you're welcome <3

seungman: it's been a pleasure to disrespect you today <3

seungman: i'll happily do it again tomorrow

peter han: wdym tomorrow?

peter han: you're probably gonna disrespect me again within a few minutes :/

seungman: i can't argue with that logic! :)

peter han: :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is unrelated to the chapter but
> 
> google maps: it's a 12 minute walk!  
> me, high on sugar and ready to blast miroh at unhealthy volumes: bet i can get there in 5 :)


	16. straight until proven otherwise

**(private chat): changbin, hyunjin**

changbin: do you still think jisung doesn't like you?

hyunjin: well, you know what they say

hyunjin: everyone's straight until proven otherwise!

changbin: hyunjin NO

changbin: that's not what you say

changbin: and that's a horrible phrase, omg

changbin: it's "innocent until proven otherwise" and i don't even wanna get into all the problems that phrase has caused in our fucked up legal system...

changbin: but whatever

changbin: you can't say you didn't notice jisung flirting with you at the cafe yesterday

hyunjin: what if he was just being friendly though

changbin: did you see him playing footsies with felix yesterday?

changbin: did he blush at seungmin?

changbin: did he private message chan at any point?

changbin: did minho tease him for the way he looks at jeongin? 

hyunjin: well no, but minho never teased him for looking at me either

changbin: yes he did omg

changbin: and the answer to all those questions is that no!!! he didn't!!!

changbin: you're special!!

hyunjin: ok maybe...

hyunjin: but i just don't wanna get my hopes up!

hyunjin: i'm not actually oblivious, just scared

changbin: that's okay! but why though?

hyunjin: idk, fear of rejection? fear that i'm gonna hurt him? or just because i'm an insecure mess in general?

hyunjin: i'm not sure which reason is the most true so you can pick your favorite :)

changbin: ...i'm not gonna do that

changbin: but anyway

changbin: i understand, and it's okay to be scared, but don't let that hold you back from doing the things you want to!

hyunjin: that's easy to say, but like,,,

hyunjin: how do i do that?

changbin: sadly, there's no magic trick that makes all your fears suddenly disappear

hyunjin: aww man

changbin: i wish i could offer you some better advice than "you just gotta do it", but that's all i have for you

changbin: not sure what "it" is exactly, buuut...

hyunjin: maybe confessing to jisung

changbin: if you want to!

changbin: that's a logical next step since you've already been flirting

hyunjin: hmm... i suppose it is

changbin: does that mean you're gonna confess to jisung? :o

hyunjin: idk! :)

hyunjin: i guess we'll see later! :)

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

kitten: are you thirsty

peter han: yeah

peter han: thirsty for LOVE and AFFECTION

felix: mood

Tall Boy: same

seungman: me

kitten: jisung i-

kitten: wait aren't you out with your siblings right now?

kitten: just get love and affection from them???

peter han: oh yeah lol

peter han: but why are you asking if we're thirsty?

kitten: i meant to send that to channie in private :/

peter han: oOOOOH

felicks: OOOOOH

seungman: OOOOOH

kitten: I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

kitten: he's in our apartment and i went to the kitchen to get snacks so i was just asking to see if he wants me to bring water or something

kitten: get your minds out of the gutter please

daddy: hi yes please bring back some water <3

kitten: of course <3

maknae on top: ewww

maknae on top: pda

changbean: all he did was ask for water...? how is that a public display of affection?

changbean: they're not even in public

maknae on top: well they're in the group chat and they're sending hearts

maknae on top: i think that counts as pda

daddy: it really doesn't <3

maknae on top: yes it does <3

kitten: okay that's your opinion

kitten: anyway

kitten: i never meant to start a conversation so goodbye guys! i don't wanna talk to you right now!

felicks: rude :/

kitten: but true :)

felicks: doesn't make it any less rude :/

kitten: what can i say

kitten: honesty is just one of my many charms

kitten: kindness is also one of my many charms but that one takes a bit longer to unlock :)

seungman: ...ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, i hope you have a nice day, drink water, listen to your best emotional support songs if you need it <3 <3 <3
> 
> OH! speaking of emotional support songs (this will turn into a ramble, you can stop reading now if you want), 'sunshine' is my number one emotional support song and i always listen to it whenever i'm having anxiety or am stressed, and i think i've somehow programmed my brain into calming down as soon as i hear it. seriously, it's kinda weird. all i have to do is hear the first chord and my anxiety/stress just goes down immediately. i wish i could personally thank jisung for writing that song because it has helped me so much, and i really want him to know how much that song means to me :( sunshine best emotional support song


	17. crush

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: i'm literally thirsting for a guy so hard rn

sun: i'll say nothing else about it!

sun: ok maybe i will

sun: i don't know

sun: am i in love?

sun: naaah

sun: or maybe? ;)

sun: nooo

sun: hahahahaha i don't know

father: ...you good bro?

sun: also he's fucking hot

sun: like deadass

sun: oh my god i have no chance i'm ugly

father: wait jisung stop

sun: haha anyway uhmmm...

sun: what if i like... text him

sun: NOOO that's INSANE!!!

sun: i could never do that!!!

sun: i only text him if he texts me

sun: deal? deal.

father: sungie slow down, i can't keep up

sun: wtf am i going to do?

sun: let him know that i love and appreciate him and that i'm really fond of his company?

sun: NO why tf would i do that?

sun: you know what

sun: i don't want to talk about this anymore.

sun: YES i know i brought it up myself.

sun: shut your mouth and mind your own business.

father: ...are you done now?

sun: yeah i am

father: okay good

father: first things first, don't call yourself ugly

father: it simply is not true

sun: beauty is objective

father: exactly, so why are you calling yourself ugly?

father: let other people make that judgment for themselves

sun: okay, i'll let other people decide that i'm ugly! :)

father: NO! you know that's not what i meant :/

father: ugh

father: so anyway

father: does hyunjin happen to be the guy you're thirsting for?

sun: sorry that information is classified

father: but if you don't tell me, then who are you going to tell?

sun: ...a good point

sun: as my father, older brother and best friend, i suppose you're the one i talk to about these things

father: how am i both your father and your older brother???

sun: idk, you figure it out ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

sun: oh hey wait!

sun: you're actually not the only person i could talk to about this

sun: i could tell yuna about this!

father: yuna would just meme you

sun: well... i could tell mia about this!

father: mia would either ignore you or straight up block you

sun: ...i could tell mark about this

father: mark wouldn't give a shit

sun: ...i could tell brian about this...?

father: ...yeah you know what

father: a good point

father: but i'm the one you decided to message so just say yes so we can move on

sun: okay fiiiiiine

sun: yes it's hyunjin

father: good

sun: you know my turtle that i got recently?

father: it would be kinda hard for me NOT to know

father: considering that 1. i live with you, and 2. i went with you to get it

sun: anyway! :D

sun: as you know, her name is samantha

sun: and hyunjin's english name is sam :(

father: ahhhh

father: wait why was that statement followed by a sad face?

sun: idk it just felt apporptiate

father: ...nice spelling

sun: thanks, i did my best :D

father: but why did you say you're not gonna text him?

father: and why don't you wanna tell him that you appreciate him?

father: and does he know you have a turtle named after him?

sun: minho that's gay

sun: and no. he does not know

father: uhh,,, Yes.

father: that's the whole point

sun: hmm

sun: admit that it's bi and i'm in!

father: in on WHAT? i'm not following this conversation anymore

sun: tbh, neither am i ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

sun: i'm just trying to avoid answering your questions :)

sun: am i succeeding?

father: no

sun: :(

father: but if you really don't wanna talk about it right now, i guess it can wait?

father: just don't repress your feelings jisung

sun: i'm not!

father: mhm :/

sun: really, i'm not!

sun: pinky promise!

father: ohh okay then!

father: i trust you <3

sun: <3

=

****

****

(private chat): min, channie

****

****  


min: do you think we should set them up?

channie: minho no

min: why not? :(

min: it's gonna take an eternity for them to get together if we don't intervene!

channie: if that's what it takes for jisung and hyunjin to admit their feelings for each other, then so be it

channie: we should let them go at their own pace

min: aww man

min: i hate it when you make sense <3

channie: ...thanks? i guess?

min: but also

min: i didn't even clarify who i was talking about :)

min: i feel like that says a lot about them

channie: oh

channie: i just assumed you were talking about hyunsung

min: i was!

channie: oh okay!

channie: did something that happened that made you wanna set them up, or...?

min: jisung told me some classified information ;)

channie: so he said that he has a crush on hyunjin?

min: no

min: not in those words

channie: but that's what was implied?

min: channie, it's classified information

min: what kind of father would i be if i told you his secrets?

channie: i'm taking that as a yes :)

min: ...sure

min: anyway

min: i still think it would be fun to set them up

channie: that only works in movies and even then, it usually ends in drama

min: but i love drama!

channie: minho bby

channie: you claim to love drama, but when it actually happens, you cry

min: hey!

min: this is slander!

min: i'm breaking up with you :/

channie: really? :(

min: oMG nO don't pout, it was a joke!!!!!

min: i love you!!!!!!!!!

channie: i'm kidding, i know it was a joke!

channie: and i love you too <3 <3 <3

min: that's good

min: well

min: i'm gonna go make sure jisung isn't repressing his emotions now

channie: okay! i'll see you tomorrow <3

min: see you <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in february, i started writing a skz supernatural family au, so recently i decided i was gonna try and finish it. there are 7 chapters and 19k words of chaos, and i think i'm gonna start posting it this week because i am incapable of focusing on one fic at a time :]


	18. 276354 years

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: i just woke up

felicks: HI

felicks: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

peter han: HELLO

peter han: IDK

peter han: I WAS SLEEPING

felicks: BITCH WHREE HAVE U BEEN

felicks: IT'S BEEN LIKE 276354 YEARS WTF

peter han: WDYM IT'S ONLY BEEN FOUR HOURS??

felicks: NO IT'S BEEN 276354 YEARS SHUT UP

peter han: I WAS LITERALLY FACETIMING YOU 4 HOURS AGO

felicks: NO TF

felicks: YOU'RE LYING

kitten: guys could you maybe calm down a little?

kitten: this isn't private chat

peter han: ...oops

felicks: sorry not sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

daddy: anyway!

daddy: how is everyone today? :)

felicks: help me

felicks: seungmin is trying out a new bully tactic

daddy: ...what

peter han: it's true, just watch this!

peter han: hey seungmin?

seungman: what do u want

peter han: can you get me a glass of water?

seungman: sure thing coward! :)

changbean: ...what

felicks: he's casually calling people coward to establish dominance!

seungman: that's right

seungman: i learned it from minho

daddy: why does that not surprise me? :/

maknae on top: oooh that sounds fun! :D

maknae on top: i also wanna start doing that!

daddy: omg nooo

daddy: minho

daddy: our children are being bad influences to each other!

kitten: okay, and?

daddy: ??? we should do something about it

kitten: like what?

daddy: teach them to be better than that!

daddy: we need to step up as parents

kitten: but i'm having a great time watching this chaos go down!

peter han: minho always has a great time when he's around us! :D

peter han: right minho?

kitten: my stress is proportional to the amount of time i have spent around you

changbean: but wait,,, you live together

changbean: shouldn't that mean your stress is always high?

kitten: yes

maknae on top: and haven't you known him since you were five?

kitten: yes

kitten: it's been a stressful life

Tall Boy: i mean, felix and jisung started this conversation with yelling at each other so i can see why that is true

felicks: we weren't yelling!

felicks: we were just talking! enthusiastically!

changbean: it sounded like yelling to me :/

daddy: this... is a text conversation...

daddy: no one is yelling, we're all typing

maknae on top: chan, this is not the time to be grammatically correct

maknae on top: frindship > grammer

daddy: i don't think your grammar was ever the problem here...

changbean: innie, you misspelled both friendship and grammar

maknae on top: no i didn't <3

changbean: yes you did? we all saw it

maknae on top: no you didn't <3

changbean: yes i did

maknae on top: where's your proof? <3

changbean: it's right here in the chat

changbean: just scroll up!

maknae on top: and prove your point?

maknae on top: no, i don't think i will <3

changbean: ok then

seungman: hey, jisung

peter han: oh no

peter han: that's an ominous jisung

seungman: i'm not ominous, i just have a question

peter han: that's even more ominous!!!!!!!!!!

kitten: considering sueungmin is currently calling everyone a coward, i think you're right to be worried

kitten: who knows what he'll do next?

changbean: "sueungmin"

kitten: shut up

peter han: hmmm

peter han: okay then

peter han: what's your question?

seungman: how do you say coward in sign language?

peter han: oh! that's not an ominous question :D

kitten: you do realize that he's only asking so he can call you a coward to your face, right?

kitten: this is a part of his newly developed bullying tactic

peter han: yeah i understand that

peter han: but seungmin! :D

peter han: come to the living room and i will show you

seungman: omw

daddy: minho

daddy: are your children always like this?

kitten: screaming at each other, developing tactics for bullying, stressing me out, and teaching each other rude words?

kitten: yeah that's them in a nutshell

felicks: minho still loves us though <3

kitten: that's debatable

felicks: hey!!! >:(

felicks: oh by the way, seungmin taught me a new word in korean recently!

daddy: that's nice!

daddy: what did he teach you?

felicks: 바보

daddy: ...

daddy: that means fool

felicks: i know! :D

kitten: i told you they were chaotic

kitten: but from what i've seen, your children aren't any better

kitten: hyunjin is chaos, jeongin says rude things but uses hearts to fool everyone, and changbin is constantly losing brain cells

maknae on top: no that's not true <3

maknae on top: anyway

maknae on top: i going be pesident

daddy: you w0t mate?

Tall Boy: chan, he just said it!

Tall Boy: he going be pesident!

maknae on top: i step in office now lol

kitten: oh right, i forgot

kitten: jeongin also has the confidence of donald trump

maknae on top: no!! don't compare me to that thing!!

kitten: no no, you're nothing like him! that's not what i meant

kitten: i'm just saying that you have hubris

maknae on top: hmm... maybe i do, maybe i don't <3

daddy: that's funny considering the anxious mess that innie is irl

maknae on top: hey! don't expose me like that!

maknae on top: i can be both anxious and hubristic at the same time

felicks: ooh big word

daddy: but it's kinda accurate i guess

daddy: he is anxious, but he's also hubristic

daddy: i approve this description of innie

changbean: great! now we have established that we're all chaotic

seungman: i now know how to say coward in sign language :)

seungman: and i already knew the sign for chicken, so i can spice it up occasionally :)

kitten: yes, variation is good

daddy: mINHO

daddy: Y ARE U SUPPORTING THIS?

kitten: because it's fun

kitten: makes life more interesting

kitten: anyway i gotta go, seungmin just arrived in my living room even though no one invited him

seungman: jisung did!

peter han: not on purpose :/

seungman: and also, i've been here for like an hour

seungman: i did not just arrive

kitten: well whatever

kitten: bye chan + everyone else <3

daddy: bye minho <3

Tall Boy: damn, he doesn't even know our names

changbean: oh no, i think he does know our names

changbean: he just doesn't care

Tall Boy: you know what? that's probably right :/

kitten: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frindship > grammer


	19. anxiety

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: minhooo

father: tf u want?

sun: love

sun: reassurance

sun: idk to be honest

sun: i'm just having a pretty bad day

father: oh no

sun: like, i was locking the door to the apartment this morning and my brain went "!!! what if you forgot the keys???" while i was literally holding the keys

sun: and then i had to check my bag three times after putting them down cause my brain wouldn't let me accept the fact that i just put them there

sun: and now that i think about it, i still feel like i might have forgotten my keys

sun: so yeah my anxiety levels went 📈

sun: and my general well being went 📉

father: babieeee

father: did something happen recently?

sun: no i just woke up and then i was super anxious

father: what about yesterday?

sun: ...had a mental breakdown and collapsed at 2 am after crying for like twenty minutes

father: then that's probably why you're having so much anxiety today

father: not to sound like a therapist but it makes sense

father: did you still go to your classes today?

sun: well, i mean...

sun: i went to 1,5 classes today!

father: meaning...?

sun: that i just stood up and walked out halfway through my second class

father: it's okay

father: taking care of your mental health is more important than your classes

sun: when are you coming home?

father: an hour, probably

father: i have one lecture and then i can leave

sun: okay

father: will you be okay?

father: do you know if seungmin or felix has class right now?

sun: idk i can check

father: do that

father: and if they can't come over, you could always facetime

father: or text the group chat

father: or i could text secretly while i have the lecture?

sun: minho no, focus on your lecture!

father: ...fine

father: but are you sure you'll be okay?

sun: you said it's only an hour until you get home

father: yes but that does not answer my question

sun: YES i will be okay

sun: now go pay attention to whatever you're learning about!

father: anatomy

father: but yeah sure

father: i'll see you later! <3

sun: c u

=

**(private chat): hyunjin, changbin**

hyunjin: do you think jisung hates me?

changbin: what???

changbin: why???

changbin: what happened?

hyunjin: idk i just get the vibes

changbin: hyunjin, did you consider that maybe he's just having a bad day?

hyunjin: but what if he hates me

hyunjin: ohmygod

hyunjin: if he does, i will never be able to go to class again without crying

hyunjin: actually, i wouldn't be able to do anything without crying

hyunjin: brb

hyunjin: i gotta cry

changbin: hyunjin no!!!

changbin: let's take a second here

changbin: what proof do you have that he hates you?

hyunjin: The Vibes™

changbin: anything more specific?

hyunjin: idk i just feel like the way he looked at me was kinda,,,

hyunjin: i'm not sure

hyunjin: and he didn't wave at me this morning like he usually does

hyunjin: also he didn't smile at me

hyunjin: i miss him

changbin: hyunjin it's ONE DAY, calm down!

hyunjin: so yeah my proof isn't very solid but i'm worried something happened and he doesn't wanna talk to me anymore

changbin: yeah that's called anxiety

changbin: more specifically, it's a thought trap

changbin: you're not a mindreader so you can't possibly know what jisung is thinking

changbin: do you think you could try talking to him?

hyunjin: but what do i say?

changbin: ask how his day has been, if he's okay, something like that

hyunjin: what if he doesn't respond

changbin: yeah? what then?

hyunjin: uhhhh,,,

hyunjin: i dunno

changbin: just send a message and then take it from there, okay?

hyunjin: okay yeah

hyunjin: that sounds logical

changbin: of course it does

hyunjin: thanks binnie

hyunjin: sorry for being dumb

changbin: don't call yourself dumb!

changbin: it's okay to feel insecure, but the important thing is to realize that the reason you're feeling that way isn't actually important

changbin: okay?

hyunjin: yeah

hyunjin: thanks again

changbin: no problem <3

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: hi jinnie <3

hyunjin: sungie! hi <3

hyunjin: i was literally just going to text you

hyunjin: are you psychic or something? :o

jisung: oh no, hahahaha

jisung: i'm just waiting for minho to get back from wherever he is

jisung: some anatomy lecture, idk

jisung: anyway! :D

jisung: are you doing anything?

hyunjin: other than texting you, no <3

hyunjin: wbu? how are you?

jisung: oh

jisung: uhhh

jisung: normally i'd just say "fine" or some other bullshit but i feel like you deserve my honesty and vulnerability

jisung: ...oops hahahah, that sounded so dramatic

jisung: sorry

hyunjin: it's ok!

hyunjin: to be honest, i was kinda worried about you today

hyunjin: you seemed kinda down

jisung: oh,,,

jisung: i'm sorry

hyunjin: no, don't apologize! everyone has bad days, you can't help it

jisung: yeah but i'm sorry anyways

jisung: i've been kinda stuck in my head all day so i'm sorry if i haven't really been paying attention to you

jisung: i feel like i might have come off as rude or something but that really wasn't my intention!

hyunjin: jisung it's okay, i understand <3

hyunjin: or well not really but it's not like you owe me an explanation of exactly why you're feeling bad

hyunjin: but what i was trying to say is that i understand the situation

jisung: ...that kinda makes it sound like you can relate

hyunjin: not sure what exactly i'm relating to, but yeah, i guess...?

hyunjin: i mean

hyunjin: i'm an anxious mess most of the time and i definitely get stuck in my own head too much

hyunjin: it's usually when i'm alone though

jisung: oh me too!

jisung: but it happens a lot around people as well

jisung: probably because social anxiety :/

jisung: i'm actually not sure what the problem is with me today but i've just had a lot of anxiety in general

hyunjin: ahhh that sucks

hyunjin: i wish i could do something more than just say "that sucks"

hyunjin: is there any way i can help?

jisung: are you busy right now?

hyunjin: no, i'm free the rest of the day

jisung: oh! can you facetime?

jisung: or skype or something?

hyunjin: sure!

hyunjin: but i still don't know asl so how are we gonna talk through that?

jisung: i could teach you some basic words and phrases? if you want?

hyunjin: yes!

hyunjin: i would love that, if you're feeling up for it

jisung: well i offered, so yeah :p

hyunjin: cool!

hyunjin: should you call or should i?

hyunjin: actually, chan already taught me the alphabet in asl

hyunjin: plus i know the signs you've showed me in class, sooo

jisung: oh that's good!

jisung: and also, i can call if you want?

hyunjin: sure!

jisung: okay! gonna call you now!

hyunjin: do that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just your local introverts awkwardly trying to socialize :]
> 
> anyway IM SO EXITED FOR THE COMEBACK I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SO SOON OMG. i'm avoiding spoilers again and i'm doing a much better job this time, i haven't heard any of the unveils. iiiiiih i don't actually know wht date it is today. WAIT IT SFIVE FUCKING DAY SOMGHMYGOD THATS SO OSOOON????? damn, can't believe time just keeps going like that. kinda rude


	20. good morning

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: good afternoon in advance!

changbean: that's not really...

changbean: uhhh...

changbean: how do i say this?

seungman: jisung you coward, that simply does not make sense

peter han: please explain to me which part of my statement does not make sense!!

peter han: "good afternoon" is a perfectly normal thing to say

peter han: "in advance" just means that i'm saying it too early, which i am

peter han: what part did not make sense to you??

maknae on top: you could have just said good morning

peter han: what, and be a boring person like the rest of you? never!

felicks: hEY!

Tall Boy: we're not boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o

daddy: okay guys

daddy: can we please rewind this conversation and say good morning in a normal way?

seungman: sure thing

seungman: glorious morning to you cowards!

seungman: let's obtain this grain!

daddy: ...what

kitten: gm to u too

Tall Boy: yes!

Tall Boy: let's bag this baguette!

felicks: let's yeet this wheat!

peter han: let's land this loaf!

maknae on top: let's pocket this pita!

changbean: let's take this toast!

daddy: ...everyone's awfully enthusiastic about bread this morning, i see

daddy: hahah jk! i know what it means!

maknae on top: do you though?

daddy: yes i do, stop doubting me :(

daddy: anyway

daddy: do you guys wanna make plans to hang out again? :)

changbean: we're literally just repeating the same conversations over and over again

changbean: make plans -> hang out -> miss each other -> make new plans

maknae on top: well, i think that's how normal people interact

Tall Boy: since when are we normal???

maknae on top: good point!

maknae on top: we should stop making plans and just barge into whoever's apartment we feel like that day!

changbean: innie no

maknae on top: you're not my dad, you can't stop me! :D

daddy: innie no

maknae on top: ...

maknae on top: well, you ARE my dad, but you still can't stop me! :D

daddy: innie, you already barge into my apartment at least four times a week

daddy: and besides, making plans is to make sure that everyone is in the same place at the same time

daddy: if we all randomly barge into each other's apartments, not everyone will be together and that's the whole point! :(

maknae on top: well ok then

maknae on top: i still wanna barge into someone's apartment though...

daddy: you can still do that! but this is about all of us hanging out

maknae on top: wait i have an idea!

maknae on top: minho and chan can go to private chat or smth, idk

maknae on top: i'm about to exclude you both :)

kitten: thanks

daddy: nice one innie

maknae on top: i know <3

=

jeongin has added changbin, hyunjin and 3 others to the group chat:

**children ONLY!**

jeongin: hi guys!

jisung: omg hi! <3

changbin: hello innie!

felix: jeongin! hi! :D

hyunjin: uwu jeonginnie my baby hello!!!

seungmin: we literally just said hi in the other group chat

seungmin: what is the point of this

felix: minnie, please show some more enthusiasm!!

felix: we have a sibling group chat now :D

seungmin: ok <3

jisung: you know what

jisung: he sent a heart, so i think that counts as enthusiasm

felix: yeah, ig :/

hyunjin: hey we need names

hyunjin: we can't just be basic bitches and have normal names

felix: don't cuss in front of the baby! :o

jeongin: i'm not a baby :(

changbin: you kind of are

changbin: a little bit

changbin: in this family at least

seungmin: yeah they're right, you're the youngest

jeongin: :(

**jeongin** changed their name to **boss baby**

hyunjin: oooh BABY!

boss baby: call me a baby again and you may lose a toe >:(

boss baby: that's not a threat

boss baby: i'm just saying it's fully possibly that you somehow lose a toe after calling me baby

changbin: baby~~

boss baby: hey! you should be more careful, i got the admin privliegies now!

changbin: ...did you even try?

boss baby: not really, i just threw a bunch of letters together and hoped for the best

boss baby: but anyway! :D

boss baby: people, get to work! come up with new names!

felix: omg wait jisung!

felix: jeongin's name has a family theme so what if we match and also get sibling names? :D

jisung: omg YES!

**jisung** changed their name to **twin #1**

**felix** changed their name to **twin #2**

changbin: but wait, i'm not sure which one of you was born first

changbin: i'm gonna get you mixed up

seungmin: that's ok, they're basically the same person anyway

twin #1: hEY!!!!

twin #2: RUDE!!!!

seungmin: see? those cowards even use the same amount of exclamation points

twin #1: wait i just realized something!!!

twin #1: i'm the third oldest of the children in this family

twin #1: that means i'm in the hyung line! :D

changbin: HOW does that put you in the hyung line???? you're the same age as the other two who were born in september

twin #2: ...did you get us mixed up?

twin #2: is that why you avoided saying our names?

changbin: ...maybe

twin #2: ok

twin #1: no look!

twin #1: the age order goes changbin -> hyunjin -> me -> felix -> seungmin -> jeongin

twin #1: so if we split us up, the three first ones would be hyung line and the three youngest would be maknae line! which means i'm in the hyung line! :D

seungmin: but the age difference between you and felix is one day

seungmin: you can't be hyung line if you're ONE DAY older than the maknae line

twin #1: then felix is also in the hyung line!

twin #2: oh yeah that makes sense! :D

seungmin: no, it does not.

boss baby: plot twist, everyone is in the maknae line

boss baby: there are no hyungs in this family

changbin: that's a nice and a subtle way of calling us all immature

changbin: thanks innie

boss baby: you're welcome! ^-^

hyunjin: if we're doing family themed names, changbin could be grandpa cause he's the oldest one here

changbin: NO i will NOT!

**boss baby** changed **changbin** 's name to **granpda**

boss baby: i told you to be more careful!

boss baby: i can change your names whenever i want :)

twin #2: but you spelt it wrong

seungmin: spelled

twin #2: spelt

seungmin: no, spelled

seungmin: spelled is the american past tense of spell

twin #2: well forgive me for being australian ig :/

granpda: wait... you're australian????

twin #2: no, i'm felix

granpda: i thought you were american?

twin #2: but i'm not lesbian?

seungmin: okay let me interrupt you right there

seungmin: that was a mess

seungmin: back to our names please

boss baby: if changbin is grandpa, i'm the baby and jilix are the twins, we still need parents

hyunjin: but we already have chan and minho

hyunjin: we can't replace them!

boss baby: no no, i just meant that we need temporary chat parents for this specific chat! cause obviously they're not allowed in this group

boss baby: someone else will have to carry the mantle~~

seungmin: considering the family roles have been assigned in age order up until now, i'm assuming you're gonna make hyunjin the chat parent

seungmin: cause him and i are the only ones without names, and i'm younger

boss baby: congratulations, you have brain cells!

**boss baby** changed **hyunjin** 's name to **mommy!**

mommy!: innie, no...

boss baby: innie yes! :D

twin #2: wait why did he get an exlcmaont mark?

twin #2: changbin didn't get one

granpda: i am convinced that you people type with your eyes closed

twin #2: no, but like innie said, sometimes you just gotta throw a bunch of letters together and hope for the best :)

mommy!: i'm not sure how to feel about this new name :/

twin #1: hyunjin mommy

twin #2: oh that's right, jisung has a mommy kink

twin #1: fELIX nO

twin #1: THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!!

twin #1: STOP LYING

boss baby: omg PL EASE

boss baby: that's hilarious!!

seungmin: wait i thought jisung had a princess kink?

twin #1: S T O P

twin #1: THIS IS SLANDER

twin #1: I COULD HAVE YOU ARRESTED

granpda: aww, noo :(

granpda: maybe mommy hyunjin will comfort you? ;)

twin #2: OMG CHANGBIN

seungmin: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAH

twin #1: I'VE BEEN BETRAYED

mommy!: guys calm down!

mommy!: be nice to jisung please

mommy!: don't make him sad :(

twin #1: awww thanks mommy :(

mommy!: AKJSHFGHDSJAHSG

mommy!: JISUNG.

twin #1: SORRY, THE OPPORTUNITY WAS TOO GREAT

twin #1: BUT I WON'T CALL YOU MOMMY ANYMORE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT

mommy!: i mean... i don't care, but if they're gonna tease you then maybe you shouldn't do it? for your own sake

twin #1: oh no i don't care about that :)

twin #1: they tease me about everything i do, it's ok

twin #1: and i don't actually have a mommy kink

twin #1: i only called you mommy because of what's happening in this gc <3

mommy!: yeah i know, i'm not gonna tease you about it <3

boss baby: booo

boss baby: why did you have to go and make it wholesome, i was enjoying the chaos :(

seungmin: okay but can we talk about how this coward didn't deny the princess kink?

twin #1: SEUNGMIN

twin #1: PLEASE

mommy!: let's come up with a new screen name for seungmin instead!

mommy!: he still doesn't have one

**seungmin** changed their name to **friendly neighbor**

friendly neighbor: now i do :)

boss baby: why is that your name?

friendly neighbor: because i refuse to be a part of this family :)

friendly neighbor: being your neighbor is the closest i'll accept

boss baby: yeah ok that makes sense

boss baby: i wish i had the same choice :/

mommy!: innie you literally made this chat

granpda: yeah he's right

granpda: i still don't even understand why you made it

boss baby: oh right!!!!

boss baby: we were talking abuot making plans to hang out, but chan didn't want us to barge into his apartment which is why i think we should barge into his apartment together! :D

twin #2: oh yeah! that makes sense!

twin #1: how about sunday? does that work for everyone?

granpda: sure

mommy!: yeah i'm free

twin #2: yup!

friendly neighbor: i'm having lunch with wonpil on sunday but if we do it in the afternoon, i can be there

twin #1: great! :D

boss baby: i say we do it around 3 pm

boss baby: cause that's apparently the earliest time jisung and hyunjin are willing to wake up

twin #1: true

mommy!: ok then that's decided!

mommy!: lovely :)

mommy!: wait...

mommy!: if all of us are barging into chan's apartment, won't minho be left out? :(

boss baby: wait i didn't think of that

boss baby: for some reason my brain just imagined those two as one singular person

granpda: ok but that makes total sense

twin #1: yeah true

twin #1: minho will probably go over to chan's place that day

twin #1: and if not, i can just bring minho there with me!

boss baby: good plan!

friendly neighbor: thanks cowards

friendly neighbor: we've accomplished a lot here today

twin #2: i wonder what chan and minho are doing

mommy!: i hope we didn't make them sad by abandoning them like that... :(

=

**(private chat): min, channie**

min: it hasn't been this quiet in a while...

channie: yeah

channie: feels kinda weird

min: anyway, do you wanna go on a date? <3

channie: i'd love to! <3

channie: where?

min: i'll come get you at your apartment and then it can be a surprise? <3

channie: okay! see you soon <3

=

**(6): children ONLY!**

boss baby: yeah...

boss baby: they probably miss us a lot :((

granpda: you're delusional if you think they're not taking advantage of this rare peace and quiet to do something together

granpda: if anything, they're HAPPY we're gone

friendly neighbor: yeah, they're probably doing well

mommy!: probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i genuinely lost track of the days and missed the first hour of skz vlive, lmao
> 
> anyway,,, comebacks usually drop at 11 am where i live and guess what? my music theory class starts at 11 am tomorrow, so i can't watch the mv when it's released :/


	21. happy 10th anniversary

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: happy 10th anniversary to this group chat! <3

maknae on top: ten what?

maknae on top: weeks? days? minutes?

peter han: no! 10 years <3

kitten: the only person here that i actually knew 10 years ago is you, jisung

kitten: this gc is definitely not 10 years old yet

peter han: well it feels that way <3

Tall Boy: i agree <3

Tall Boy: happy 10 anniversary to us! :D

seungman: ..."10 anniversary"

daddy: there's never been any grammar in this group chat

daddy: and no spelling either :/

changbean: hey guys!

changbean: i'm embarrassed and it's jisung's fault

peter han: wHAT

peter han: I HAEVN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING????

changbean: well, two of my friends saw the notifications from this gc and asked about the chat name :/

kitten: oh that's right!

kitten: jisung is the one who named this gc

peter han: untrue!

peter han: i came up with the name but hyunjin is the one who changed it cause i don't have admin privlegis

daddy: nice spelling

peter han: thanks! :D

Tall Boy: hey! don't blame me for the chat name!

Tall Boy: i'm, like, at least 20% innocent!

seungman: that means you're still 80% guilty

seungman: which is a lot

Tall Boy: irrelevent details

changbean: anyway i just wanted to say that i hate you all and am very annoyed right now

peter han: it's not even that bad

changbean: yes it is :/

peter han: omg omg omg wait

peter han: you wanna know what's REALLY bad???

changbean: ...what

peter han: my 27 year old brother saw the chat name when i had dinner with my family last week!

peter han: i think he got genuinely worried that i was doing drugs

felicks: jiSUNG WHAT

kitten: hey!!! why didn't you tell me about this?

kitten: which brother are you talking about?

peter han: mark, obviously

peter han: he's the only one who's 27

kitten: brian

peter han: brian is a fake 27 year old cause he's not actually 27 yet

peter han: he's just pretending

kitten: no, he's using korean ages

peter han: He's Pretending

kitten: ok.

maknae on top: wait so what did he say?

maknae on top: did he just ask if you do drugs? like, how did he bring it up?

peter han: first he just gestured at my phone with a scandalized expression and i was like "huh?"

peter han: so then he said "drugs" and i was like oooh,,, that's what's up

felicks: wait this is irrelevant but can you teach me the sign for drugs later?

peter han: yeah sure! :D

daddy: jisung no...

peter han: so anyway! :)

peter han: i was like omg no! not drugs hahaha it's a joke

peter han: and he tried to ask if i do drugs and basically got pretty worried but then i explained that it was just a joke and showed him the gc

peter han: so yeah he didn't call our parents hahah i'm still safe

kitten: i can't believe you didn't tell me about this

kitten: is our friendship a joke to you? i raised you on my back, and this is how you repay me? :(

peter han: lol yeah

kitten: RUDE!!!!!

kitten: but anyway, i'm glad he doesn't think you're addicted to cocaine or smth

peter han: thanks i guess??

peter han: but it's not like i could afford one anyway

kitten: ...one cocaine

seungman: drug dealer? yeah hi, i would like one cocaine please

kitten: one cocaine coming right up!

kitten: are you paying with cash or card?

seungman: no, i have a gift card actually

peter han: ALSKDJFKSLSKSH

peter han: sTOP I GET IT

daddy: i'll save you!

daddy: how about we make new plans? :)

peter han: THANKS DAD

maknae on top: wdym "new plans"???

maknae on top: we already made plans

daddy: no we didn't?

maknae on top: oh right! hahah i forgot :D

maknae on top: but let's make plans later cause i suddenly have somewhere i need to be right now

daddy: o-kay...

maknae on top: hahahah yeah. that's how it is

=

**(6): children ONLY!**

granpda: real subtle innie

boss baby: thanks, i know

boss baby: but it's only two days left until sunday so we just gotta avoid making plans for two more days! :D

mommy!: okay but why do we need to avoid making plans with chan?

boss baby: ??? cause we already made plans, remember?

friendly neighbor: yeah but hyunjin is right

friendly neighbor: we could just make other plans with chan

friendly neighbor: doesn't mean we have to cancel our current plan to bust into his apartment

friendly neighbor: we can do both

mommy!: oooh seungmin has brain cells

boss baby: can you stop making so much sense? :/

boss baby: it's really hard to defend my own stupidity when you're saying smart things

friendly neighbor: lol no

boss baby: ok thanks for absolutely nothing then

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

maknae on top: hahah false alarm, i'm not busy right now!

maknae on top: let's make plans to hang out! :D

daddy: innie, you good?

maknae on top: lol yeah

maknae on top: anyway how about next friday? :D

peter han: sounds great! :D

felicks: i'm in!

seungman: yeah i'm free too

changbean: i'll be there

Tall Boy: sure!

kitten: damn why is this such a mess

kitten: but yeah i'm also free

daddy: cool! :)

daddy: innie, did you have anything specific in mind?

maknae on top: wdym

daddy: what should we do when we meet up? where should we go?

maknae on top: oooh!

maknae on top: uhhh,,,

maknae on top: idk ask someone else

maknae on top: i've made too many decisions already

daddy: you've only made one decision though...

maknae on top: That's One Too Many :/

daddy: okay then

daddy: anyone else? :)

seungman: wait actually can we do something

daddy: what?

seungman: can we go to a park or some nice looking place?

seungman: i have a photography assignment that i wanna do outside

felicks: ooh of course!

Tall Boy: hmm that sounds fun

Tall Boy: wait we could have a picnic in a park!!!

maknae on top: omg yes! picnic <3

felicks: i always thought it was called pick nick

peter han: who's nick? :o

felicks: i've been wondering the same thing...

felicks: but yeah that sounds really good! :D

daddy: okay then, it's decided!

daddy: we're having a picnic in a park on friday!

changbean: sounds great (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *tries to focus on schoolwork*  
> my brain: blUrry LinEs, so Many sO maNy Any aNytHinG 아니 아니야야
> 
> yeah hi i love new songs, am ded, will return later <3


	22. different ways to say love

**(private chat): hyunjin, jisung**

hyunjin: hiii

hyunjin: what are you doing? ^.^

jisung: hello <3

jisung: i'm actually with jeongin rn!

hyunjin: omg what :o

jisung: yeah! we're getting snacks for tomorrow :D

jisung: he said he felt bad for always emptying chan's fridge so he decided he's gonna empty my wallet instead...

jisung: but dw, i'm getting all your favorite snacks! <3

hyunjin: you are an angel

jisung: occasionally ^-^

jisung: but what about you? what are you doing?

hyunjin: well, first i was gonna tell you that i emailed our teacher about the art project so you don't have to!

hyunjin: cause i remember you were getting stressed out about sending that email

jisung: omg hyunjinnie, thank you so much!!!

jisung: you are my lifesaver <3 <3 <3

hyunjin: you're welcome <3

hyunjin: and then i found a tiktok account with a bunch of chipmunk videos and they were really cute and they reminded me of you

hyunjin: so now i'm texting you! :D

jisung: why are you the sweetest person ever

hyunjin: hahahah nooo, i'm not!

jisung: yes you ARE!

jisung: like that time you spent an hour moving snails from the road because you didn't want them to be stepped on

hyunjin: wait,,, how do you know about that?

jisung: you told me :(

hyunjin: oh! and you remembered!

jisung: yeah!

jisung: you matter to me, so i always remember the things you tell me about yourself

hyunjin: akjshgdhsjkal

hyunjin: ji, you can't just SAY that!

hyunjin: my heart wasn't ready :(

jisung: oh? why not?

hyunjin: i'm gonna call 911, i think you just stole my heart

jisung: hOW?

jisung: i was just trying to tell you that you're important to me :(

jisung: i'm innocent

hyunjin: aklsjdhgsjksdljkhskldh

jisung: JINNIE

hyunjin: stop! you're too sweet! i'm gonna cry :(

jisung: noo don't cry!

jisung: you deserve all the kindness i can offer and then more <3 <3 <3

hyunjin: jisungieeee

jisung: yes? <3

hyunjin: you're too sweet

hyunjin: bippity boppity, my heart is now your property

jisung: w h a t

hyunjin: hihi, i saw it in a meme :D

hyunjin: and it definitely applies to this situation

hyunjin: my heart is now your property <3

jisung: noo, you need your heart to live! take it back! <3

hyunjin: i guess you'll just have to be extra careful with my heart then~~

jisung: of course!

jisung: oops i think jeongin is getting annoyed with me for being on my phone

hyunjin: it's ok! go pay attention to jeongin

jisung: talk to you later? <3

hyunjin: yeah! ttyl <3

=

**(4): vine is dead and so are we (on the inside)**

im in me mums car: i am never going to emotionally recover from this

weather boi: sigh...

weather boi: what happened this time?

im in me mums car: so i was just out with jeongin because he didn't wanna waste money on snacks so he decided to use my money instead

im in me mums car: and then hyunjin texted me!!!!

weather boi: ah, i should have known it had something to do with him :/

yeet: omg! what did he say?

im in me mums car: we had a really cute and wholesome conversation :((

im in me mums car: he said too many things for me to repeat them all

yeet: i'm omw to your and minho's apartment so i can read your messages myself!

im in me mums car: ok! the door is unlocked

im in me mums car: anyways!

im in me mums car: i have decided that hyunjin is the only man who deserves rights and no other mortal will ever compare

weather boi: that sounds dramatic

im in me mums car: YEAH, it IS!!!!!!!! he means a lot to me :(

yeet: have you considered confessing?

im in me mums car: WHAT

im in me mums car: what kind of suggestion is that

im in me mums car: of course not!

im in me mums car: or i mean, i've thought about it but it's not like i could actually do it

weather boi: why not?

im in me mums car: because!

im in me mums car: it's too scary!

im in me mums car: and we're still working on the whole communication thing so it feels like it would be too soon :((

weather boi: time is fake and so is our perception of it

weather boi: there's no such thing as "too soon", the only thing that matters is what you feel is right

yeet: omg those are some big ass words

weather boi: thanks...?

yeet: but minnie is right sungie, listen to minnie! he's smart!

im in me mums car: okay...

im in me mums car: yeah

im in me mums car: i guess he's making sense

yeet: do you want hyunjin to know how you feel?

im in me mums car: idk

im in me mums car: i guess i do

weather boi: good!

im in me mums car: but let's talk about this later ok?

im in me mums car: i've already had enough emotions today, i gotta reload before i can deal with more :)

yeet: understandable, have a nice evening!

weather boi: yeah bye sungie

weather boi: also where's minho?

weather boi: he's usually jisung's #1 emotional support

im in me mums car: minho muted this group a while ago

yeet: RUDE

weather boi: but completely understandable

im in me mums car: i think he's watching cat videos on his bed

im in me mums car: ok i'm gonna go bother jeongin now, bye! :D

weather boi: bye again

yeet: BYEBYE! :D


	23. sunday

**(8): drug deal gang!**

maknae on top: proof that chan is cool with the kids:

daddy: ...

daddy: where's the proof innie?

maknae on top: oh no, that was it! :)

maknae on top: there is no proof, because you're not cool with the kids

daddy: hEY! >:(

maknae on top: chan, you don't even have tiktok

felicks: gASP!

maknae on top: anyway that's all i had to say, so let's move on!

maknae on top: chan, is minho in your apartment?

daddy: you're rude so i'm not talking to you :/

maknae on top: too bad

maknae on top: minho, are you in chan's apartment?

kitten: yes i am :)

maknae on top: thanks

daddy: minhooo

daddy: why did you tell him :(

kitten: cause i wanted to see you pout

daddy: ...ok

felicks: awwww, suddenly chan is okay with being betrayed <3

daddy: don't be so dramatic

daddy: i wasn't betrayed

maknae on top: oh? WE'RE being dramatic???

daddy: yes you are

daddy: now i'm gonna go pay attention to my boyfriend instead

daddy: cause you guys are mean :(

maknae on top: ok. good to know <3

=

**(6): children ONLY!**

boss baby: children

boss baby: ASSEMBLE!

twin #2: WAit

twin #2: you know how their shipname is minchan?

twin #2: and we're their children?

granpda: ...yeah?

twin #2: that means we're the minchildren :D

granpda: noo that's horrible!

granpda: also, stop getting sidetracked

granpda: there is a purpose to the chat this time

boss baby: changbin is right! it's sunday!

boss baby: we're supposed to break into chan's apartment in less than 20 minutes

boss baby: is everyone ready?

friendly neighbor: quick question

boss baby: no. keep it to yourself

friendly neighbor: ...

boss baby: ok fiiiine

boss baby: you can ask your question :/

friendly neighbor: thanks innie :/

friendly neighbor: i just wanted to know if you have any plan for how to do this? like, do we just walk into his apartment?

mommy!: what if we hid inside his apartment?

twin #2: ooooh!

twin #2: like hide and seek! :D

twin #2: except chan doesn't know we're playing so it's more like we hide, and he accidentally finds us

boss baby: oooh that sounds fun!

boss baby: but that would mean we have to sneak in, and i think it's gonna be really hard to hide since he's in the apartment already

twin #1: we could always ask minho for help! maybe he could distract chan

boss baby: good thinking!

boss baby: will you ask minho?

twin #1: sure!

boss baby: children

boss baby: i'm standing in the entrance to the building now so i'll see you all whenever you arrive :D

mommy!: me and changbean will be there in like two minutes

twin #2: i was walking with jisung and seungmin but i just lost both of them but i think we'll be there within five minutes! :D

boss baby: sounds worrying, but ok

boss baby: please don't get lost on the way

friendly neighbor: oh no, we didn't lose felix

friendly neighbor: we left him

twin #2: hEY! RUDE!

friendly neighbor: yup :)

twin #1: ok anyway

twin #1: i'll text minho now!

=

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: will you aid us in our secret quest?

father: wtf?

sun: so, we're gonna break into chan's apartment

sun: and we need you to distract him so we can all hide somewhere in his apartment without him seeing us! :D

father: wait wait wait

father: who's "we"? and when did you plan this? and why?

sun: i'll explain but answer my question first

father: YES i will help you, now explain

sun: ok so we planned it a few days ago! it was innie's idea

sun: and it's gonna be all the kids from the group chat :D

father: ooh wait

father: you're all just gonna hide in his apartment, and hope that he finds you?

sun: no! we hope that he doesn't find us! that's how you win hide and seek

father: but he doesn't know you're playing though…?

father: it's not like he's gonna start randomly opening cabinets or looking under beds

sun: exactly! :D

father: uhm

father: i'm not sure you understand what hide and seek is

father: seeking is one of the major parts of the game

sun: yeah, and chan will do the seeking! he just doesn't know it yet!

sun: but whatever, you said you'd help us!

sun: we're waiting outside your apartment rn so chop chop

father: you're here already???

father: damn

sun: hurry up

father: what do you want me to do?

sun: idk

sun: get him to go to the bathroom or something

father: i'm not sure you understand how the human digestive system works

father: i can't just force someone to go to the bathroom

sun: well you can make him need to pee

father: how???

sun: force feed him some water, idk

sun: come on, get creative!

father: yeah sure

father: i'll let you know when to come in

sun: thanks minho! ^-^

father: no problem! this will be fun :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was anyone gonna tell me that rick astley made covers on youtube, or was i just supposed to see that in my yt recommendations myself?


	24. chocolate (by day6)

**(8): drug deal gang!**

Tall Boy: white chocolate > any other chocolate

peter han: what no

peter han: dark chocolate is the best chocolate

Tall Boy: no what the fuck?

maknae on top: y'all really gonna do milk chocolate like that, huh?

felicks: innie is the only one here with brain cells

felicks: milk chocolate is the best chocolate and i will accept no other answer

daddy: guys...

daddy: why did i just find changbin hiding behind my couch? :/

changbean: i wanted to hide in the bathtub, but you were in the bathroom when we entered the apartment so i had to improvise

daddy: "WE"?????

changbean: ...yes

daddy: who else is in here?

daddy: wait...

daddy: don't tell me

kitten: they're all here! :)

peter han: mINHO

Tall Boy: WHY'D YOU TELL HIM

daddy: i would have figured it out anyway

daddy: but guys!

daddy: why?

maknae on top: why not? <3

daddy: uhm, let's see

daddy: you weren't invited <3

daddy: you didn't ask <3

daddy: you didn't even talk to me before coming into my apartment <3

daddy: the list goes on

maknae on top: well... i may not have a good argument against those reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that we're here now! <3

daddy: :/

daddy: wait

daddy: are all of you hiding?

Tall Boy: yeah! :D

peter han: it's hide and seek!

daddy: hide and seek usually requires a seeker

daddy: who's the seeker in your game?

Tall Boy: you are!

daddy: i am???

daddy: since when?

peter han: since the game started

peter han: duh

daddy: that's not how hide and seek works :/

felicks: if you never find us, we'll stay in your apartment for the rest of your life! :)

daddy: please no

daddy: don't

felicks: then you need to find us!

kitten: channieee

kitten: come on, it'll be fun!

daddy: does minho know where you are? :/

peter han: yeah he does

peter han: we hid while you were in the bathroom

peter han: minho was still in the living room so he saw us :)

daddy: damn

daddy: i really got betrayed by my own boyfriend like that :/

kitten: wdym "betrayed"?

kitten: all i did was text jisung when you went to the bathroom

daddy: but still :/

Tall Boy: are you gonna come look for us, or what?

peter han: yeah!

peter han: i don't wanna hide here forever

felicks: same

felicks: please save us

daddy: oooh, that makes it sound like you're in an uncomfortable position

seungman: any position becomes uncomfortable if you stay still long enough

kitten: the apartment isn't even that big

kitten: oh!

kitten: chan is coming now!

peter han: thanks minho for keeping us updated <3

kitten: of course <3

daddy: i was trying to catch them off guard :/

daddy: min, please don't expose me in the gc

daddy: expose the kids instead

changbean: can i expose them?

maknae on top: Don't.

seungman: if you expose us, you have to buy us all food

changbean: no wait i don't wanna do that

changbean: i guess i won't expose anyone

seungman: Good. :)

daddy: i think someone is in the closet...

kitten: guys he's going to open the closet now

kitten: watch out

Tall Boy: what was that loud ass crash?

daddy: update! :)

daddy: i found seungmin and felix

felicks: that was so uncomfortable ohmygosh

kitten: i'm not even sure how they both fit in there

kitten: that closet did not look big enough

daddy: okay, but i still have three kids left to find

daddy: hyunjin, jisung and jeongin, i'm coming for you!

maknae on top: is that a threat?

daddy: of course <3

maknae on top: ok, thanks <3

seungman: no offense but how the fuck did he find me and felix before he found jeongin?

seungmin: jeongin's spot sucks :/

maknae on top: hey! rude!

seungman: but am i wrong?

maknae on top: ...no

daddy: oh! that's encouraging

daddy: watch out innie, i'm coming for you :)

maknae on top: stop using smileys like that, it's scary

kitten: chan just went into the small bedroom

daddy: it's a studio, but yeah

daddy: HAHA I JUST FOUND INNIE

daddy: UNDER THE DESK

maknae on top: ok cool! now go find hyunsung

maknae on top: stop laughing about my horrible hiding spot :(

daddy: aww babie i wasn't laughing at you

maknae on top: oooh can i expose hyunsung? :D

peter han: NO

Tall Boy: DONT

maknae on top: ok fine, i won't

peter han: i paid for your snacks so you better not

maknae on top: that's true! i owe you my undying loyalty

Tall Boy: wait

Tall Boy: all i have to do to earn your loyalty and respect is buy you snacks?

maknae on top: uh, yeah

maknae on top: you hadn't figured that out yet?

Tall Boy: this is hyunjinphobic :/

maknae on top: no you're just dumb

Tall Boy: hey! :(

Tall Boy: omg wait shut up chan is coming

daddy: oh?

Tall Boy: wait shit i shouldn't have said that

maknae on top: HAHAHAH DUMBASS

maknae on top: YOU JUST EXPOSED YOURSELF

daddy: i just entered the bedroom, so i'm assuming you're hiding somewhere in here

kitten: can confirm

Tall Boy: mINHO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM

Tall Boy: i trust no one :/

peter han: not even me? :o

Tall Boy: oh no no, you're an exception! i always trust you <3

peter han: <3

maknae on top: eww, pda

maknae on top: stop sending hearts in the gc where the rest of us can see

maknae on top: keep that to the pm

seungman: lmao

felicks: innie is really out here making his opinions on pda very clear

kitten: okay, but that wasn't even pda

kitten: all they did was use hearts

kitten: innie sends hearts to chan all the time

maknae on top: yeah but that's different

kitten: how? it's the exact same hearts

maknae on top: it's the intent that counts

maknae on top: when i send hearts to chan, it's because he's my dad

maknae on top: hyunsung on the other hand,,,

maknae on top: let's just say they're not each other's dads :)

felicks: oh that's right, hyunjin is jisung's mommy

peter han: FELIX OMG

peter han: THAT WAS A JOKE

seungman: oh yeah, the mommy kink

felicks: mommy hyunjin uwu~~

kitten: what

kitten: the fuck

kitten: jisung?

Tall Boy: AKSJHKAHGFDSDFGHS‚,,

peter han: minho it's not what it looks like!

daddy: sorry to interrupt but like

daddy: should i keep standing here until you've finished whatever bs is going on in the group chat right now?

daddy: or should i keep searching?

kitten: clearly there are more important things at hand

kitten: please stand by while we investigate jisung's mommy kink

peter han: THERE'S NOTHING TO INVESTIGATE BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A MOMMY KINK

peter han: FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY OMG

Tall Boy: did our roleplay mean nothing to you jisung? :(

peter han: aksldjhfgsdjka,,.,

daddy: ok i've decided to put jisung out of his misery and keep searching!

daddy: i know hyunjin is in this room so it won't be long before i find him!

peter han: thanks chan, you're the only one i trust :/

Tall Boy: lol sorry

peter han: yeah ok :/

Tall Boy: HAHAHAHHA SUNG JUST FLIPPED ME OFF

daddy: wait! that means you're hiding together!

daddy: if you can see him!

kitten: no but they're in the same room

peter han: MINGO STOP

seungman: mingo

felicks: mingo

peter han: yes i know

peter han: we all saw it

peter han: you didn't have to repeat it :/

Tall Boy: CHAN JUST FOUND JISUNG

daddy: only hyunjin left!!!

daddy: jisung was under my bed btw

daddy: i am now trying to figure out what other hiding spots are visible from under the bed

daddy: since obviously hyunjin could see jisung from where he was...

kitten: the room isn't even that big, how haven't you found him yet???

daddy: idk

maknae on top: can i expose him?

maknae on top: can i please expose him?

Tall Boy: NO

daddy: please do!

daddy: i'm never gonna find him otherwise

daddy: HA! JISUNG JUST GAVE ME A CLUE!

Tall Boy: noooo!

daddy: i'm really glad i learned the alphabet in asl cause he gave me the clue in sign language

peter han: you should be glad i spelled it out instead of doing the actual sign for it :)

peter han: btw i just spelled SEAT

peter han: i could've pointed to hyunjin's spot but because i'm such a nice person, i didn't

Tall Boy: NO CHAN FOUND ME

maknae on top: great! can we eat now

felicks: innie has his priorities straight

felicks: but he's right, i wanna eat too

daddy: who's buying food?

maknae on top: you are <3

daddy: uh, no <3

daddy: you're the ones who broke into my apartment

maknae on top: yeah, and we brought snacks!

maknae on top: you can't expect us to pay for the food too!

maknae on top: my wallet can't handle that

peter han: but you didn't even pay for the snacks, i did

maknae on top: my wallet still couldn't handle that

peter han: yeah that makes sense

daddy: freeloaders... :/

daddy: but sure

daddy: do you want me to order?

changbean: why are you still in the bedroom?

kitten: yeah

kitten: come to the living room so we can have a group meeting and discuss this!

seungman: this will take a while...

felicks: i want pizza!

maknae on top: no! korean <3

changbean: but inniiieee, you always want korean

changbean: i want mexican

Tall Boy: no! spring rolls!!!!!!!!

kitten: well, to quote seungmin,

kitten: "this will take a while"

seungman: it will :/

kitten: i'm fine with anything so i guess i'll just chill here :)

seungman: lol same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dark chocolate is the superior chocolate imo
> 
> and yes, this chapter is based on that time skz played hide and seek in the jyp building. lmao that was a mess


	25. i love milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seunglix! hyunsung! platonic minsung!  
> oh and uhh,,, love confessions??? yeah love confessions (kind of)

**(4): vine is dead and so are we (on the inside)**

im in me mums car: what if i tell hyunjin that i love him?

yeet: omg omg omg

yeet: it's happening!

yeet: everyone, stay calm!

yeet: STAY!!!

yeet: FUCKING!!!

yeet: CALM!!!

weather boi: are you actually gonna?

im in me mums car: idk

im in me mums car: but what if?

freestyle dance teacher: that would be a lovely turn of events, but i think you should wait about a week before you confess, ok?

im in me mums car: what why?

freestyle dance teacher: if you confess next week, i get 10 dollars from chan

freestyle dance teacher: we made a bet

im in me mums car: oh of course i'll wait! gotta get you that money

freestyle dance teacher: thanks xoxo

im in me mums car: i wasn't actually gonna confess this week anyway lmao

im in me mums car: confessing is terrifying

yeet: but jisung! :(

yeet: you could get a boyfriend! :(

im in me mums car: that is true, but imagine the emotional damage i would take if he doesn't feel the same

yeet: but what if he does feel the same?

im in me mums car: well

im in me mums car: i don't see you confessing to your crush either :/

yeet: i could do it!

im in me mums car: then why haven't you?

yeet: i will!

yeet: just watch me!

freestyle dance teacher: no offense felix but i have no faith in you

freestyle dance teacher: it's more likely that your crush confesses to you

yeet: hey! :(

weather boi: oh ffs

weather boi: felix!

yeet: yeah?

weather boi: remember when we kissed?

yeet: ...yeah?

weather boi: i know we said we weren't gonna talk about it but fuck that

weather boi: i wanna kiss you again

yeet: alksjhdgsjkal

weather boi: because i have a crush on you

weather boi: so this is me confessing to you

=

**(private chat): ji, lix**

lix: JISUNG

lix: MY CRUSH JUST CONFESSED TO ME

ji: i know, i was there

lix: WTF DO I DO NOW?????

ji: maybe don't leave him on read?

ji: idk, just a suggestion

lix: I AM NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THIS

lix: MY EMOTIONS JUST WENT: 💕💗🎉💞💗💛💫💖💓✨💘💗🌟💝

lix: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH

ji: go to private chat with seungmin and send all those hearts to him

ji: even if your brain can't make words at the moment, you still gotta respond!

lix: ooooh wait that's actually smart

ji: whY DO YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED??? I CAN BE SMART!

lix: YEAH BUT I WASN'T EXPECTING IT

lix: BUT ANYWAY

lix: THANKS SUNGIE ILY BUT I GOTTA GO NOW

ji: YES!! GO GET YOUR MAN!! 💕💗💞💗💫💖💓✨💘💗

=

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: i think seunglix just went to private chat so hi minho! :)

sun: i still need emotional support and advice

father: ok i'm here <3

sun: so like

sun: i want hyunjin to know how i feel but i don't wanna tell him

father: how else is he going to find out? you gotta talk to him

sun: wait omg hyunjin is korean

father: ...you only realized that now?

sun: no shut up

sun: anyway

sun: i'm gonna tell hyunjin that i love korean milk!

father: what does that have to do with anything?

sun: i'll be right back!

father: oookay...

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: i love korean milk

hyunjin: oh, uhm

hyunjin: good for you...?

jisung: yeah hahahah

jisung: anyway i'll ttyl <3

hyunjin: okay, ttyl <3

=

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: It's Been Done

father: what has been done???

father: what's going on???

sun: i told him i love korean milk!

father: why?

sun: it's a pun

sun: maybe?

sun: idk if it's technically a pun

sun: but it means "i love you"

father: oh

father: do you think he'll figure it out?

sun: depends on how good he is at overthinking things

father: i think he's pretty good at that

sun: then he should figure it out!

sun: probably before school tomorrow

father: that's good! right?

sun: wAIT SHIT

sun: WHAT IF HE FIGURES IT OUT???????

father: ...isn't that the whole point?

sun: YES BUT ALSO NO

sun: I'M NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR HIM TO KNOW THAT I LIKE HIM

father: okay

father: do you wanna talk about it? face to face?

sun: MAYBE

father: let's go get food and we can talk about it

sun: sorry i can't get food, i'm broke

sun: B

sun: R(egretting my life choices)

sun: O

sun: K

sun: E

father: jisuuuung

father: cmon, you need to go outside at least once today

sun: outside? i don't know her

father: and that's exactly why you need to get out

sun: minho i will fight you

father: don't fight me, you'll lose

sun: square up bitch (ง'̀-'́)ง

father: i don't wanna fight you

father: please just come out from your room and tell me about your problems

sun: wdym problems?

sun: i'm fine!

father: oh really?

sun: yeah i'm fine

father: so everything's going well in your life?

sun: yeah i'm fine

father: you're happy right now?

sun: yeah i'm fine

father: nothing at all bothering you?

sun: i'm fine

father: so you could just text hyunjin right now if i asked you to?

sun: ...

sun: ok maybe not

sun: but that's fine! i can survive without texting him

father: i physically don't think you'd survive without talking to hyunjin at least once a day

sun: stop exposing me! :(

father: let's just go get food! i'll be at the apartment in less than five minutes

father: are you ready to leave?

sun: yeah i guess

father: good! :)

father: i'll see you soon then!

sun: yeah sure

sun: oh and also

sun: thank you for putting up with me even though i'm making it really difficult to have logical conversations and tend to be dramatic over the smallest things <3

father: it's okay, you've always been dramatic and emotional

sun: ...

father: but not in a bad way!

father: it's okay, i mean i still like you!

sun: minho

father: you feel your emotions very strongly so it makes sense that you're a bit dramatic!

father: it doesn't have to be a bad thing!

sun: just stop talking

father: okay

father: hahahha sorry

father: ...are you mad?

sun: no i'm not, i'm laughing at you rn

sun: you're so fucking awkward, holy shit

sun: can i screenshot these messages and show to chan?

father: NO!

sun: too late, i already did! :D

father: smh :/

father: i was gonna offer to pay for your food but after this slander i don't think i want to

sun: NOOO

sun: ILY I'M SO SORRY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN <3 <3 <3

father: you're definitely gonna do it again and the only reason you're even apologizing is because you want me to pay for you :/

sun: ...is it working?

father: okay fine, i'll pay

sun: yay! ^o^

sun: see you soon!

father: yeah sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll explain what "i love korean milk" means in the next chapter


	26. the zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new group chat! except it's old, but like, it's the first time the chat is in this fic. anyway it's called "the zoo" and it's chan + chan's kids! in case you've forgotten who chan's kids are, it's changbin hyunjin and jeongin
> 
> their screen names:  
> chan - kangaroo  
> changbin - pabbit  
> hyunjin - llama  
> jeongin - fennec fox

**(4): the zoo**

llama: WAIT GUYS GUYS GUYS

llama: pAY ATTENTION

llama: TO ME

llama: PLEASE

llama: EMERGENCY

kangaroo: what's wrong hyunjin?

kangaroo: are you okay?

llama: PHYSICALLY, YES

llama: OTHERWISE NO

fennec fox: sigh

pabbit: i was really hoping for a normal day today

pabbit: i guess i'm not getting that :/

llama: JISUNG TEXTED ME

fennec fox: owo?

kangaroo: that's nice!

llama: NO I'M PANICKING

llama: WELL TECHNICALLY HE TEXTED ME YESTERDAY

llama: BUT OBVIOUSLY I'VE BEEN OVERTHINKING HIS MESSAGE CAUSE IT DIDN'T REALLY MAKE SENSE

pabbit: you've already responded, right?

pabbit: you didn't ghost him for an entire day?

llama: no of course not, i'm not a fucking idiot

llama: BUT HE SAID THAT HE LOVES KOREAN MILK!

fennec fox: oh, maybe he wants you to buy milk for him!

pabbit: no wait, there's gotta be something else

pabbit: that doesn't make sense

llama: KOREAN

llama: MILK

kangaroo: hang on, i think i figured out what hyunjin is getting at

llama: SAY IT CHAN!

kangaroo: milk in korean is 우유, which is pronounced uyu, which sounds like the english word "you"

kangaroo: i love korean milk = i love uyu

llama: EXACTLY

llama: AND THAT SOUNDS LIKE "I LOVE YOU"

llama: BUT WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT???

fennec fox: maybe he just really loves korean milk and wanted you to know about it

pabbit: or maybe he's in love with hyunjin but is too scared to say it

pabbit: so he decided to give hyunjin a hint by telling him that he loves korean milk!

llama: WHAT IF I'M JUST OVERTHINKING IT THOUGH

llama: MAYBE HE JUST REALLY LOVES MILK AND THEN I MAKE THINGS AWKWARD BY BRINGING UP THE "I LOVE YOU"

fennec fox: can you please turn off caps, it makes my head hurt

llama: NO IT'S A PART OF MY PANIC

fennec fox: ok, thanks for nothing

llama: SHOULD I ASK JISUNG ABOUT IT??

kangaroo: that sounds logical, yeah

llama: BUT I'M NOT A LOGICAL PERSON

llama: SO WHY SHOULD I DO THE LOGICAL THING?

pabbit: hyunjin, this is a great opportunity for you to confess to him!

llama: AKJSHGFDAHAJKDGFJAKDFGS

llama: now i'm seriously panicking

llama: WHY

llama: HOW

kangaroo: you can just say something about how "i love korean milk" could be read as "i love you"

kangaroo: you don't even have to ask if that's what he meant, just comment on it

llama: WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY TELL HIM THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM?

kangaroo: ...do you think that could happen? accidentally?

llama: yeah actually

llama: i feel like i might not be able to stop myself

kangaroo: then maybe that's what you're supposed to do next!

kangaroo: tell him how you feel

fennec fox: sorry to interrupt but can i just say that i love how no one even questions whether or not hyunjin is in love with jisung?

fennec fox: everyone just assumes

kangaroo: i mean... it's kinda obvious

pabbit: plus hyunjin told me a long time ago that he has a crush on jisung

fennec fox: wHAT???

fennec fox: he told changbin but not me???

fennec fox: #Betrayal 😎

kangaroo: ...i think that was the wrong emoji, innie

fennec fox: no it was not

kangaroo: ookay then

kangaroo: but anyway

kangaroo: consider it!

llama: mhm

llama: oooh something's happening in the big gc, we have to go!

=

****

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: i want a goldfish

kitten: jisung, no

peter han: jisung yes!

kitten: you already have dora and samantha

peter han: yes and i love them but i want a goldfish too

peter han: my emotional stability depends to 50% on cute animals and 50% on minho

daddy: that's worrying...

peter han: nah i'm fine! :D

peter han: but goldfish :(

kitten: jisung, we live together with three cats

kitten: the goldfish would not survive

peter han: but one of my friends used to have both fish and cats!

peter han: it'd be fiiiiine

kitten: sorry but no

peter han: what the heck i really want a goldfish!

peter han: ugh :(

peter han: i'm oFISHially done with life!

daddy: pun detected!!!

kitten: you haven't even had samantha for two weeks yet, give her some time first

seungman: maybe it's a bad idea for minho and jisung to live together...

seungman: i feel like their apartment is gonna turn into a zoo

kitten: it already has :)

peter han: #noregretz

changbean: eww

changbean: that hashtag looks really ugly

peter han: you look really ugly

changbean: HEY!!

peter han: hahah i'm kidding please don't kill me...!

maknae on top: omg, jisung!

maknae on top: if hyunjin doesn't date him, i might

daddy: you only like jisung because he made fun of changbin

maknae on top: it's all i could ever ask for in a person <3

peter han: hahaha sorry innie

peter han: i have a crush on someone else

maknae on top: interesting :)

maknae on top: i wonder

maknae on top: who could it possible be...?

maknae on top: truly a mystery

peter han: OK THANKS

Tall Boy: huh?

peter han: hahaha don't worry about it jinnie! <3

Tall Boy: okay...

Tall Boy: if you say so <3

felicks: damn they're so awkward

felicks: even i wasn't that awkward when seungmin confessed to me yesterday

seungman: yes you were ohmygod

daddy: yOu TWO ARE DATING????

felicks: yup! boyfriends :]

changbean: since when???

seungman: felix just said it

seungman: yesterday

kitten: yeah but they're been pushing the limit for friendship for a loooong ass time

kitten: i mean, most people don't make out with their friends

kitten: just saying

daddy: congrats, i'm happy for you two!

felicks: thanks chan! :D

maknae on top: if only two other people could do the same :/

maknae on top: would make my life so much easier

Tall Boy: how would it make YOUR life easier for other people to confess to each other?

maknae on top: i wouldn't have to witness all the pent up sexual frustration and romantic tension

maknae on top: my life quality would improve by 1000%

Tall Boy: do you have a source for those statistics?

maknae on top: no <3

Tall Boy: ok then. :/

maknae on top: anyway! you all bore me, i'm gonna go hang out with beomgyu now <3

changbean: hey!

changbean: that's rude!

maknae on top: i know, that's why i said it

Tall Boy: thanks innie <3

maknae on top: you're welcome <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's almost midnight and i'm gonna sleep after posting this but i just had to say that jisung pronounced asgard like asgård when they were playing superlatives and idk. he just really sounded scandinavian. that is completely irrelevant to this chapter but i just wanted to say it :)


	27. samsung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not gonna spoil too much but jisung owes hyunjin his firstborn after what happens in this chapter :)

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: what if... my brain actually let me sleep when i tried to sleep?

jisung: omg! what a wild concept!

hyunjin: nooo you can't sleep?

jisung: omg hyunjin you're awake? :o

jisung: wait what the fuck are you doing up, it's 3 am

jisung: go to SLEEP! you need to get rest!

hyunjin: but you're up too, you hypocrite

jisung: yeah but you're a growing child

jisung: you need rest

hyunjin: i'm literally older than you :/

jisung: and

hyunjin: okay aNYWAY

hyunjin: why can't you sleep? :(

jisung: Too Much Thinking

jisung: Too Many Thoughts

jisung: head full, thoughts loud af

hyunjin: do you think talking about it would help?

jisung: maybe

jisung: but why are you still up? :(

hyunjin: kind of the same reason

hyunjin: TMT

hyunjin: it's lowkey your fault though

jisung: hEY??!?? :((

hyunjin: yes, because almost 90% of my thoughts are about you

hyunjin: it's like you live in my head without even paying rent :/

jisung: ah

jisung: well

jisung: you're living rent-free in my head too, so i think that makes us even

hyunjin: oh? what are you thinking about

jisung: you

jisung: your smile

jisung: they way your eyes scrunch up when you laugh

jisung: how you have a habit of waving your hands around whenever you forget a word in asl

jisung: and how much effort you've put into learning asl in the first place!

jisung: the way you throw yourself onto the floor when you're laughing too hard

jisung: how every pair of jeans you own have paint stains on them because you forget to cover your clothes when you're painting

jisung: the little mole right underneath your eye

jisung: just...

jisung: all the small things about you, i guess

hyunjin: oh...

jisung: hahha, that was a lot, sorry

jisung: you don't have to respond to that!

hyunjin: my turn

jisung: what?

hyunjin: you told me what you're thinking about, so now it's my turn to tell you what i'm thinking about

jisung: you really don't have to

jisung: but sure

hyunjin: i'm thinking about you

hyunjin: did you know your mouth is shaped like a heart when you smile?

hyunjin: or that when you lean your head back, your adam's apple becomes visible and it also looks like a heart?

hyunjin: i'm thinking about the adorable expression on your face when you realize you're signing too fast for me

hyunjin: or how your hands are always covered in ink because you have a habit of drawing on them when you're bored

hyunjin: and the way your eyes twinkle when you smile

hyunjin: i guess i just think about all the small things about you that i've fallen in love with

jisung: wait wait you wHAT

jisung: are you serious?

jisung: cause if you're not, i'm gonna cry

jisung: or well,,, i'm gonna cry anyways

hyunjin: please don't cry!

hyunjin: it's okay if this is too much, but you don't have to feel sad if your feelings aren't the same

hyunjin: we don't have to talk about this right now if you don't want

jisung: did i or did i not just wax poetry about all the things i love about you?

hyunjin: oh

hyunjin: you did

jisung: yes, and i meant everything i said

jisung: did you mean what you said about falling in love with me?

hyunjin: yeah, i did

jisung: good! cause i think i'm falling in love with you too

hyunjin: oh

hyunjin: wow

hyunjin: that's...

hyunjin: wow

hyunjin: hahahah sorry

hyunjin: this is a lot

jisung: i mean, we've been flirting for a while

jisung: the rest of the guys always tease us about how obvious and oblivious we are

jisung: but yeah!

hyunjin: it's 3 am though, and i'm not sure my brain is capable of processing this right now

jisung: same!

jisung: do you wanna have breakfast together tomorrow?

jisung: talk face to face?

hyunjin: yeah, i'd like that

jisung: if you pay for breakfast, i will give you my firstborn

hyunjin: deal!

hyunjin: see you in the morning? <3

jisung: yeah! see you then <3

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

Tall Boy: jisung and i made a deal last night at 3 am!

Tall Boy: he owes me his firstborn <3

kitten: jisung you dumb fuck

kitten: deals made at 3 am are legally binding, you can't take it back!

daddy: i'm pretty sure what minho just said is not true, but i'm also wondering what deal you made

peter han: i said that if he pays for breakfast, i'll give him my firstborn

peter han: update! he has paid for our breakfast now, so i will have to give him my firstborn! :D

changbean: why do you seem so happy about it...?

peter han: i mean, hyunjin will have to wait maybe 10 years or so, but he can have my firstborn <3

Tall Boy: maybe we should wait a bit before having kids, but i'll happily accept your firstborn <3

peter han: yeah i know, waiting is good

peter han: that's why i said it might take 10 years or so

felicks: wait a goddamn second

daddy: language!

felicks: is that what jisung meant when he said hyunjin is getting his firstborn? that they're having a kid together?

daddy: wait hyunjin, are you pregnant???

daddy: cause i'm not ready to be a grandfather yet

Tall Boy: i am not pregnant and probably never will be

Tall Boy: i don't have a uterus

daddy: oh, right

kitten: maybe they're adopting

peter han: omg wait! hyunjin!

peter han: do you wanna adopt a goldfish with me? :D

Tall Boy: omg yes!!!

Tall Boy: we could keep it in mine and changbin's apartment, that way we don't have to worry about the goldfish's safety

Tall Boy: since you and minho have cats in your apartment, i mean

peter han: that's smart! let's do that!

maknae on top: the fuck is going on in this conversation...?

daddy: language!

daddy: but to be honest, idk

changbean: everyone is confused except hyunsung

felicks: actually, their shipname is samsung

felicks: me and seungmin decided to change it last night

felicks: seungmin is taking a nap right now but he's on my side in this

felicks: if he says otherwise, he's lying

maknae on top: kk

Tall Boy: anyway! bye guys! :D

Tall Boy: i'm gonna go meet up with my boyfriend now <3

maknae on top: lol you don't have a boyfriend though

peter han: i'm also meeting up with my boyfriend now

peter han: bye everyone <3

changbean: WAIT

kitten: jisung!!!

daddy: hyUNJIN!!

felicks: SAMSUNG

felicks: ...samsung?

felicks: SAMSUNG! COME BACK


	28. witty and charming

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: i'm waiting for hyunjin and there's a lot of people so i'm standing here staring at my phone and pretending that i'm texting someone really witty and charming

father: uhh,,, you are

father: i am the wittiest and charmiest person you could be texting

sun: charmiest isn't a word

father: sue me

sun: wait omg minho!!!!!

sun: my arch nemesis is coming!!!!

sun: please stand by

father: what? who?

sun: you know the tall guy who's a year older? used to be my neighbor back when i lived in the dorms?

father: oooh i remember

sun: the one who spent 5 minutes yelling at me on my first day and made me cry

sun: he's coming my way

sun: minho help what do i do??

father: stab him

father: i'll bail you out of jail

sun: ok thanks! ily

father: ily2 sungie

father: but seriously

father: stab him

sun: no, i'm just gonna pretend that i can't see him

father: i guess that works too...

father: but i have a quick question for you actually

father: since you decided to text me, i might as well ask now

sun: shoot

father: what's up with you and hyunjin? you were kinda suspicious in the gc earlier

sun: oh! we're dating now :D

father: WHAT??"?=+???

sun: yeah! we confessed to each other over text last night, which is also when i promised him my firstborn, and we decided to talk about it over breakfast today!

sun: which is when we both tried to ask each other out at the same time, and that's how we became boyfriends :)

father: aww

father: i was not expecting you to actually do that!

sun: ...thanks for having no faith in me :/

father: does anyone else know yet?

sun: hyunjin knows

father: i mean... i would assume, considering he's the one you're dating

father: i meant other people

sun: oh! no, you're the first one i've told

father: hell yes! :D

father: watch me hold this over felix's and seungmin's head for the rest of their lives

sun: please don't

father: you can't stop me!

father: they've both been so annoyed by your pining, it's gonna kill them that i found out about your relationship before they did!

sun: damn, sucks for them

father: lmao, it relly does

father: but on a more serious note

father: i'm proud of you for confessing and asking him out!

father: and i hope you're happy!

sun: of course i'm happy!

father: i wish you all the best

sun: minho i'm not going anywhere

sun: you act like i'm gonna move out or some shit

father: lmao i'm just kidding

sun: i know

sun: oh! hyunjin is coming now!

sun: bye! :D

father: bye sungie, good luck with your goldfish!

=

**(4): the zoo**

llama: place your bets now

llama: will i be able to text and walk at the same time?

fennec fox: lmao no

pabbit: not without at least one injury

pabbit: probably closer to five though, if we're talking statistics

kangaroo: sorry hyunjin, but they're right

kangaroo: my answer is also no

llama: thanks guys :/

llama: anyway, i just texted you to say that i'm omw to get a goldfish with my boyfriend now!

fennec fox: you keep saying that, but i still don't know what you mean

pabbit: did jisung ask you out, or something?

pabbit: i doubt you'd say yes to being someone's boyfriend unless it's jisung

llama: hey! why does he have to be the one asking?

llama: how do you know that i didn't ask HIM out?

fennec fox: statistics show that you're too much of a mess to ask anyone out

llama: hey! :(

kangaroo: don't be sad hyunjin!

kangaroo: i believe you could ask someone out

llama: i love chan and literally no one else here

pabbit: do you have any idea how many times i've been the one to deal with your gay panic?

llama: no, i don't keep count

pabbit: me neither

pabbit: but it's probably a lot

llama: yeah ok whatever

llama: anyway

llama: jisung is my boyfriend and we're adopting a goldfish together today <3

kangaroo: wAIT

fennec fox: WHAT????

pabbit: yOU'RE ACTUALLY DATING HIM?

llama: bye guys, i see him now!

llama: i promise i'll send a pic of our child as soon as we're done!

kangaroo: GET BACK HERE!

kangaroo: hYUNJIN!

pabbit: yOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE HTAT!

fennec fox: he can, and he did

fennec fox: lmao


	29. italian mafia mob gang

****

**(8): drug deal gang!**

felicks: let's be racist, but against italians

changbean: that's not racism though

felicks: yeah whatever

felicks: i wanna discriminate against the italians!

daddy: how about we don't? :)

maknae on top: sorry felix but i love pizza too much

felicks: ok then :(

felicks: does no one wanna start a mafia mob gang with me?

kitten: mafia, mob, and gang are three separate things

felicks: stop complaining about my lack of logic!

Tall Boy: i wanna start a mafia mob gang with you felix!

peter han: me too!

felicks: THANK YOU

felicks: finally some good people who entertain my ideas without complaining <3

seungman: i'll entertain your ideas, but i'm also going to complain about them

seungman: i do wanna join your mafia mob gang though

felicks: omg okay! <3

felicks: anyone else?

kitten: no thanks

daddy: i'd rather not

maknae on top: sorry lix

changbean: i have no idea what's going on right now

changbean: but chan said no, so i'm also saying no

felicks: oh, wow

felicks: i guess it's me, hyunjin, jisung and seungmin against the world

Tall Boy: hey! we're the 00s!

peter han: ooooh yes!

felicks: omg! let's make a group chat without these losers

daddy: thanks

daddy: we love being called losers :)

=

felix has added hyunjin, jisung and seungmin to the group chat:

****

**italian mafia mob gang**

felix: ok let's pick our italian mafia mob gang names!

felix: i'm gonna be felix figeroni

**felix** changed their name to **felix figeroni**

**seungmin** changed their name to **seungmin spaghettini**

felix figeroni: ooh i love that!

hyunjin: omg seungmin can we be mafia brothers? :D

seungmin spaghettini: uhh, sure

**hyunjin** changed their name to **sam spaghettini**

sam spaghettini: wooo!

jisung: i dunno wtf is wrong with us but

**jisung** changed their name to **peter passatelli**

peter passatelli: there!

peter passatelli: now we're all matching :D

felix figeroni: wonderful! :D

seungmin spaghettini: not to rain on anyone's parade, but what's the point of this

seungmin spaghettini: why are we starting an italian mafia mob gang?

seungmin spaghettini: we're not even italian

sam spaghettini: the 00s have to stick together!

felix figeroni: yeah!

peter passatelli: wait omg felix, we're brothers-in-law in this gc! :D

felix figeroni: omg yes! :D

felix figeroni: wait, how???

peter passatelli: you're dating seungmin, i'm dating hyunjin, seungmin & hyunjin are the spaghettini brothers

felix figeroni: ah okay

felix figeroni: wAIT

felix figeroni: YOU'RE DAITNG HYUNGJIN??????????

sam spaghettini: lol who's hyungjin?

peter passatelli: yes i am

peter passatelli: wait shit, i forgot to tell you about that yesterday! i only told minho!

felix figeroni: BETRAYAL

felix figeroni: HEARTBREAK

felix figeroni: MY BEST FRIEND HATES ME

peter passatelli: no! :((

peter passatelli: i love you! 

peter passatelli: i was gonna tell you, but it slipped my mind because we were so busy with the adoptions

seungmin spaghettini: adoptions?

sam spaghettini: oh yeah! jisung and i adopted three goldfishes yesterday!

sam spaghettini: they are our children and we love them very much <3

felix figeroni: omg that's so cute

peter passatelli: felix, will you do the honor of becoming chihiro's godparent?

peter passatelli: she's one of the goldfish :]

felix figeroni: of course! she's my niece and i already love her <3

seungmin spaghettini: wait, is she named after the girl from spirited away? chihiro?

peter passatelli: yes! :D

seungmin spaghettini: lol, weeb

sam spaghettini: you binged studio ghibli moves with us just last week

sam spaghettini: sorry, but you have no room to talk :/

seungmin spaghettini: yeah ok

peter passatelli: anyway! :D

peter passatelli: seungmin, we were gonna ask if you want to be the godfather of sophie?

peter passatelli: she's the middle child in our goldfish family <3

seungmin spaghettini: wait...

seungmin spaghettini: sophie, like in howl's moving castle?

seungmin spaghettini: are all your fishes named after characters from studio ghibli movies?

peter passatelli: yes they are :)

seungmin spaghettini: that's actually cute

seungmin spaghettini: i have nothing rude to say about it, because studio ghibli is A R T

sam spaghettini: i'm glad you think so! :D

sam spaghettini: but do you wanna be her godfather?

seungmin spaghettini: yeah sure

peter passatelli: lovely! now we just have to ask jeongin if he wants to be the godfather of kiki

peter passatelli: she's the youngest <3

felix figeroni: aww, like in kiki's delivery service!

sam spaghettini: yeah, exactly!

sam spaghettini: we love our children a lot <3

sam spaghettini: that's why we gave them such tasteful names

seungmin spaghettini: i can tell!

felix figeroni: wow

felix figeroni: i can't believe what a wholesome mafia mob gang we have here <3

peter passatelli: the wholesomest <3

seungmin spaghettini: that's not a word

peter passatelli: everything is a word if you believe in it

seungmin spaghettini: i don't

peter passatelli: that's your personal problem

peter passatelli: i decide that wholesomest is a word, and i'm going to use it as a word

seungmin spaghettini: ok

felix figeroni: but wait

felix figeroni: does everyone else know you're dating?

felix figeroni: jisung said that minho knows, but what about the rest of the gang?

sam spaghettini: oh!

sam spaghettini: i told chan, changbin and jeongin yesterday

felix figeroni: wHSTAAT

seungmin spaghettini: we were the last ones you told???

seungmin spaghettini: this is betrayal

felix figeroni: HEARTBREAK

seungmin spaghettini: if i develop trust issues after this, it's your fault

felix figeroni: EMOTIONAL TORMENT

seungmin spaghettini: our friendship just took -100 damage

felix figeroni: TREACHERY

seungmin spaghettini: i'm not sure i can ever look at you the same

felix figeroni: SKULLDUGGERY

seungmin spaghettini: wait what, felix

seungmin spaghettini: where did you learn that word?

felix figeroni: thesaurus.com

seungmin spaghettini: ah, okay

seungmin spaghettini: that makes sense

seungmin spaghettini: you don't seem like a person who would casually drop the work skullduggery in a conversation

felix figeroni: my favorite hobby is going on thesaurus.com and finding weird synonyms for words i use often <3

felix figeroni: the weirder, the better!

seungmin spaghettini: wait shit, we're getting sidetracked

felix figeroni: omg you're right!

felix figeroni: SAMSUNG!!!

peter passatelli: lix i'm so sorry i love you mwah please don't hate me for being forgetful af <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

felix figeroni: ily2, but you broke my heart and i'm just not sure if i can ever recover <3

felix figeroni: the way my emotions were affected by this is almost worse than when i heard dowoon sing in 'beautiful feeling'

peter passatelli: ...

peter passatelli: don't bring up my brother's band when we're having a dramatic moment :/

felix figeroni: lmao, k

peter passatelli: but am i forgiven yet? <3

felix figeroni: yeah sure <3

sam spaghettini: oh...

sam spaghettini: that was easy

sam spaghettini: am i also forgiven?

felix figeroni: yup!

sam spaghettini: damn, i wish my friends were also like this :/

felix figeroni: wait

felix figeroni: are you saying we aren't your friends??? :((

sam spaghettini: no no, you are!

sam spaghettini: i meant my other friends! chan and changbin and jeongin

sam spaghettini: jeongin never fails to take advantage of situations like these to get me to buy him snacks or smth

felix figeroni: omg wait i should've done that!

felix figeroni: can i take back my forgiveness?

sam spaghettini: nope! no takebacks <3

felix figeroni: damn, sucks for me <3

seungmin spaghettini: i haven't forgiven them yet

seungmin spaghettini: i can still take advantage of this situation

felix figeroni: omg yes please!

sam spaghettini: nooo

sam spaghettini: seungmin, you're my brother!

sam spaghettini: don't do this to me!

seungmin spaghettini: i won't :)

peter passatelli: that's an ominous smiley...

seungmin spaghettini: :)

peter passatelli: ok bye

seungmin spaghettini: i'll see you tonight :)

peter passatelli: no you won't?

seungmin spaghettini: in your dreams :)

peter passatelli: no thanks

seungmin spaghettini: sleep tight, watch out <3

peter passatelli: NO

seungmin spaghettini: keep in mind that nightmares are most common between 2-4 am <3

peter passatelli: NO STOP

seungmin spaghettini: see you <3

peter passatelli: AAAAAAAAh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi, that thing about nightmares is not true i just made it up
> 
> speaking of dreams! i was obsessed with lucid dreaming in like 3rd grade so i followed a bunch of tips to learn how to get lucid dreams and it worked, and ever since then i've almost only had lucid dreams. i mean it's cool but i'm tired of it now


	30. family outing

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: why are people always saying "you bring shame to your family" like it's a bad thing?

peter han: i mean

peter han: if you haven't brought shame to your family at least ONCE, then what are you doing???

seungman: i see you're speaking from experience

felicks: but he's right though!

felicks: if you've never brought shame to your family, you haven't LIVED!

kitten: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY KIDS???

daddy: minhooo

daddy: did you lose them again? :(

kitten: yes i did, and do you wanna know what the worst part is?

daddy: ...what is it?

kitten: all three of them are wearing heelys :/

kitten: oh and also we're at target, that's where i lost them

daddy: mINHO

kitten: it's not my fault!

daddy: then who's fault is it?

kitten: uhhh

kitten: idk

kitten: not mine

peter han: don't worry, we're all fine! :D

peter han: except felix

felicks: i want to climb on the shelves!

seungman: maybe cluedon't do that, you fucking dumbass <3

daddy: language!

seungman: my apologies

seungman: maybe cluedon't do that you fucking not-smart-person <3

maknae on top: ngl, i'm not the biggest fan of cluedo

changbean: i prefer monopoly

seungman: did you just say that m*nopoly is better than cluedo?

seungman: the taste jumped OUT

seungman: literally

seungman: the taste jumped out of the gc

seungman: i'm saying you have no taste

Tall Boy: ...it's just a board game, guys

changbean: all i said was that i prefer monopoly!

seungman: might as well have stabbed me between the sixth and seventh rib with a double edged stainless blade

daddy: that's awfully specific...

daddy: why?

seungman: i don't know, it just felt right

daddy: ok.

kitten: i still don't know where my kids are!

kitten: we just came here for snacks, what happened to that?

felicks: you said you weren't paying, so we decided to revolt :)

felicks: revolutions always start with betrayal

kitten: not sure if that's true, but ok

daddy: GUYS

daddy: remember last week when we said we were gonna have a picnic next friday?

daddy: aka toady?

seungman: toady

changbean: toady

maknae on top: toady

daddy: *today

daddy: i obviously meant today :/

kitten: yes, that's why we're at the store right now!

kitten: we're getting things for the picnic

daddy: oh! i thought everyone had forgotten about our plans tbh

Tall Boy: i had

changbean: i had

maknae on top: i had

daddy: see?

daddy: anyway here's your reminder that we're all hanging out tonight <3

daddy: a nice family outing!

changbean: "nice"

maknae on top: "family"

Tall Boy: "outing"

daddy: uhh,,,

daddy: i'm not sure i'm the biggest fan of those implications

daddy: wait, innie

daddy: why did you say family like that? we are a family! :(

maknae on top: yeah, a real "family"!

maknae on top: anyway i'm not sure i can make it tonight

maknae on top: i have the hiccups

daddy: ...that has to be one of your worst excuses yet :/

maknae on top: it was worth a shot ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

maknae on top: but fiiiine

maknae on top: i guess i'll be there

felicks: innie, i'll make sure we get your favorite snacks!

maknae on top: omg thanks! i love you!

maknae on top: chan, i am unadopting myself

maknae on top: felix will be my new father <3

daddy: wait no

daddy: that would make me your grandfather and i'm not old enough for that yet

felicks: i'll happily accept innie as my new child <3

seungman: what does that make me

seungman: am i also his dad?

felicks: of course!

maknae on top: yeah!

daddy: don't steal my children! :(

daddy: who's gonna be the maknae in the family now? :(

kitten: you can have jisung

daddy: ok <3

peter han: wait what

peter han: minho

peter han: what

kitten: you're younger than changbin and hyunjin, so you can be the new maknae in chan's family!

Tall Boy: but wait, i thought we were all one big family?

changbean: yeah

changbean: wtf is happening to the family dynamics?

daddy: seungmin and felix decided to make their own family with jeongin

daddy: so now i'm the father of changbin and hyunjin, and minho is the father of jisung

daddy: but he gave jisung to me so i guess it's him and his cats now

kitten: true <3

Tall Boy: noooo!

Tall Boy: seungmin and felix, you're tearing this family apart! :((

Tall Boy: come back to us!!!

seungman: lol no

jeongin: hahaha, we go skrrt skrrt

felicks: don't worry hyunjin! seungmin is your spaghettini brother, so we're still related to each other!

daddy: his WHAT now

daddy: what does spaghettini brother mean?

felicks: oh right!

felicks: that's from our 00 line chat!

felicks: their names are sam and seungmin spaghettini <3

changbean: sounds wild

seungman: it is

daddy: anyway children!

daddy: remember the picnic

daddy: be there in like an hour or something

kitten: we'll see if i've gotten my kids back by then...

felicks: you can try! :)

felicks: we are faster than you though

peter han: gotta go fast!

felicks: i love wearing heelys :)

kitten: ok

kitten: should i go and ask to make an announcement through the store speakers? :)

peter han: bold of you to assume that would affect me

kitten: ...

kitten: i'm gonna do it anyway

kitten: you can ask felix or seungmin to translate the message if you want :)

peter han: ...oh no

felicks: do you think he's actually gonna?

seungman: it's minho

seungman: of course he will

felicks: THE SPEAKERS ARE STARTGIN!!!!

peter han: what is he saying

seungman: minho isn't the one speaking

seungman: it's an employee

maknae on top: i love this

seungman: "can yongbok, peter and sky please come to the checkout?"

seungman: minho why did you use our american names

seungman: or, well

seungman: the names we don't go by?

kitten: For Fun :)

felicks: i guess we'll come to the checkout, then

felicks: if you really miss us that much

kitten: I Do :)

felicks: omg! he admitted it!

kitten: cmon let's just go

kitten: i already got a bunch of food

peter han: we also got some food! :D

kitten: then come to the checkout!! hurry!!

seungman: ok fiiiine

seungman: we're coming!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thinking about using "i can't come, i have the hiccups" as my go-to response whenever i don't wanna hang out with people. i think it's pretty solid


	31. Wake up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 90% of this chapter is completely irrelevant so you can skip the first conversation if you want, especially if you've played minecraft before

**(8): drug deal gang!**

felicks: I see the player you mean.

peter han: PLAYERNAME?

felicks: Yes. Take care. It has reached a higher level now. It can read our thoughts.

peter han: That doesn't matter. It thinks we are part of the game.

felicks: I like this player. It played well. It did not give up.

peter han: It is reading our thoughts as though they were words on a screen.

felicks: That is how it chooses to imagine many things, when it is deep in the dream of a game.

peter han: Words make a wonderful interface. Very flexible. And less terrifying than staring at the reality behind the screen.

felicks: They used to hear voices. Before players could read. Back in the days when those who did not play called the players witches, and warlocks. And players dreamed they flew through the air, on sticks powered by demons.

peter han: What did this player dream?

felicks: This player dreamed of sunlight and trees. Of fire and water. It dreamed it created. And it dreamed it destroyed. It dreamed it hunted, and was hunted. It dreamed of shelter.

peter han: Hah, the original interface. A million years old, and it still works. But what true structure did this player create, in the reality behind the screen?

felicks: It worked, with a million others, to sculpt a true world in a fold of the [scrambled], and created a [scrambled] for [scrambled], in the [scrambled].

peter han: It cannot read that thought.

felicks: No. It has not yet achieved the highest level. That, it must achieve in the long dream of life, not the short dream of a game.

peter han: Does it know that we love it? That the universe is kind?

felicks: Sometimes, through the noise of its thoughts, it hears the universe, yes.

peter han: But there are times it is sad, in the long dream. It creates worlds that have no summer, and it shivers under a black sun, and it takes its sad creation for reality.

felicks: To cure it of sorrow would destroy it. The sorrow is part of its own private task. We cannot interfere.

peter han: Sometimes when they are deep in dreams, I want to tell them, they are building true worlds in reality. Sometimes I want to tell them of their importance to the universe. Sometimes, when they have not made a true connection in a while, I want to help them to speak the word they fear.

felicks: It reads our thoughts.

peter han: Sometimes I do not care. Sometimes I wish to tell them, this world you take for truth is merely [scrambled] and [scrambled], I wish to tell them that they are [scrambled] in the [scrambled]. They see so little of reality, in their long dream.

felicks: And yet they play the game.

peter han: But it would be so easy to tell them...

felicks: Too strong for this dream. To tell them how to live is to prevent them living.

peter han: I will not tell the player how to live.

felicks: The player is growing restless.

peter han: I will tell the player a story.

felicks: But not the truth.

peter han: No. A story that contains the truth safely, in a cage of words. Not the naked truth that can burn over any distance.

felicks: Give it a body, again.

peter han: Yes. Player...

felicks: Use its name.

peter han: PLAYERNAME. Player of games.

felicks: Good.

peter han: Take a breath, now. Take another. Feel air in your lungs. Let your limbs return. Yes, move your fingers. Have a body again, under gravity, in air. Respawn in the long dream. There you are. Your body touching the universe again at every point, as though you were separate things. As though we were separate things.

felicks: Who are we? Once we were called the spirit of the mountain. Father sun, mother moon. Ancestral spirits, animal spirits. Jinn. Ghosts. The green man. Then gods, demons. Angels. Poltergeists. Aliens, extraterrestrials. Leptons, quarks. The words change. We do not change.

peter han: We are the universe. We are everything you think isn't you. You are looking at us now, through your skin and your eyes. And why does the universe touch your skin, and throw light on you? To see you, player. To know you. And to be known. I shall tell you a story.

peter han: Once upon a time, there was a player.

felicks: The player was you, PLAYERNAME.

peter han: Sometimes it thought itself human, on the thin crust of a spinning globe of molten rock. The ball of molten rock circled a ball of blazing gas that was three hundred and thirty thousand times more massive than it. They were so far apart that light took eight minutes to cross the gap. The light was information from a star, and it could burn your skin from a hundred and fifty million kilometres away.

peter han: Sometimes the player dreamed it was a miner, on the surface of a world that was flat, and infinite. The sun was a square of white. The days were short; there was much to do; and death was a temporary inconvenience.

felicks: Sometimes the player dreamed it was lost in a story.

peter han: Sometimes the player dreamed it was other things, in other places. Sometimes these dreams were disturbing. Sometimes very beautiful indeed. Sometimes the player woke from one dream into another, then woke from that into a third.

felicks: Sometimes the player dreamed it watched words on a screen.

peter han: Let's go back.

peter han: The atoms of the player were scattered in the grass, in the rivers, in the air, in the ground. A woman gathered the atoms; she drank and ate and inhaled; and the woman assembled the player, in her body.

peter han: And the player awoke, from the warm, dark world of its mother's body, into the long dream.

peter han: And the player was a new story, never told before, written in letters of DNA. And the player was a new program, never run before, generated by a sourcecode a billion years old. And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love.

felicks: You are the player. The story. The program. The human. Made from nothing but milk and love.

peter han: Let's go further back.

peter han: The seven billion billion billion atoms of the player's body were created, long before this game, in the heart of a star. So the player, too, is information from a star. And the player moves through a story, which is a forest of information planted by a man called Julian, on a flat, infinite world created by a man called Markus, that exists inside a small, private world created by the player, who inhabits a universe created by...

felicks: Shush. Sometimes the player created a small, private world that was soft and warm and simple. Sometimes hard, and cold, and complicated. Sometimes it built a model of the universe in its head; flecks of energy, moving through vast empty spaces. Sometimes it called those flecks "electrons" and "protons".

peter han: Sometimes it called them "planets" and "stars".

peter han: Sometimes it believed it was in a universe that was made of energy that was made of offs and ons; zeros and ones; lines of code. Sometimes it believed it was playing a game. Sometimes it believed it was reading words on a screen.

felicks: You are the player, reading words...

peter han: Shush... Sometimes the player read lines of code on a screen. Decoded them into words; decoded words into meaning; decoded meaning into feelings, emotions, theories, ideas, and the player started to breathe faster and deeper and realised it was alive, it was alive, those thousand deaths had not been real, the player was alive

felicks: You. You. You are alive.

peter han: and sometimes the player believed the universe had spoken to it through the sunlight that came through the shuffling leaves of the summer trees

felicks: and sometimes the player believed the universe had spoken to it through the light that fell from the crisp night sky of winter, where a fleck of light in the corner of the player's eye might be a star a million times as massive as the sun, boiling its planets to plasma in order to be visible for a moment to the player, walking home at the far side of the universe, suddenly smelling food, almost at the familiar door, about to dream again

peter han: and sometimes the player believed the universe had spoken to it through the zeros and ones, through the electricity of the world, through the scrolling words on a screen at the end of a dream

felicks: and the universe said I love you

peter han: and the universe said you have played the game well

felicks: and the universe said everything you need is within you

peter han: and the universe said you are stronger than you know

felicks: and the universe said you are the daylight

peter han: and the universe said you are the night

felicks: and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you

peter han: and the universe said the light you seek is within you

felicks: and the universe said you are not alone

peter han: and the universe said you are not separate from every other thing

felicks: and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code

peter han: and the universe said I love you because you are love.

felicks: And the game was over and the player woke up from the dream. And the player began a new dream. And the player dreamed again, dreamed better. And the player was the universe. And the player was love.

felicks: You are the player.

peter han: Wake up.

=

kitten: ...

kitten: HAN JISUNG AND LEE FELIX

kitten: WHY the HELL were you quoting the end poem in minecraft at 5 am this morning???

kitten: when you should have been SLEEPING!

seungman: i think they're still sleeping

seungman: they went to bed pretty late

kitten: "pRETTY LATE"

kitten: damn

kitten: i didn't know it was this stressful to have children :/

felicks: hsuh

kitten: LEE FELIX YONGBOK!

felicks: ima tired

felicks: goign bac ot sleepnow

kitten: it's noon!!

kitten: why didn't you sleep last night???

felicks: wasnt taired :/

felicks: anwom

kitten: ...what does that mean

maknae on top: i can translate! :D

maknae on top: "wasn't tired"

maknae on top: "am now"

kitten: feliiiiiix :(

kitten: you gotta take care of yourself

felicks: tel jisg :/

maknae on top: "tell jisung"

kitten: yeah i'm gonna

kitten: i will tell him the same thing when he wakes up

kitten: by the way do you know where he is?

felicks: nextt ome

maknae on top: "next to me"

kitten: oh! did you have a sleepover after the picnic last night?

felicks: no

felicks: he cane fobeve in the maidle of the night

felicks: siabdje coudlnt slepe :(

maknae on top: "he came over in the middle of the night"

maknae on top: "said he couldn't sleep"

kitten: oh

kitten: let me know when he wakes up, okay?

felicks: k gona slep nwl

maknae on top: "k, gonna sleep now"

kitten: yes you will

kitten: rest well <3

kitten: and thanks innie for translating!

maknae on top: no problem! ^-^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to write a chapter of them playing among us but formatting is hard so it looks really ugly :/ but i'm still gonna write it, because i did not spend this many hours binge watching among us videos on youtube just to give up!


	32. gay godparents

**(private chat): sun, father**

sun: if i hypothetically was suddenly overcome with a lot of insecurity and anxiety, what should i do?

father: wow you're awake!

father: and also, if that hypothetically happened, it could be good to talk about it with someone

father: maybe try to analyze why you're feeling like that?

sun: i am immune to critical analysis :/

father: is that why you couldn't sleep yesterday and went over to felix at 5 am?

father: (not the critical analysis thing)

father: (i meant because of anxiety)

sun: yeah

sun: do you ever feel like you don't deserve the people in your life?

father: a lot of times actually

sun: wait, really??

father: yeah

father: but those feelings don't usually last very long once i start thinking about it

father: you don't deserve another person, that's not how it works

sun: hm

sun: i guess that's true

father: are you feeling that way right now? like you don't deserve someone?

sun: idk, i just think that maybe hyunjin will regret this later

sun: he could do so much better than me

sun: i really don't see why he would waste his time being with me

father: ...ok, there's a lot to unpack there

father: can we do this face to face instead?

sun: yeah sure i'm in my room

father: okay, i'm coming

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

peter han: life update! i don't know how chairs work and at this point i'm too afraid to ask :D

kitten: fyi, he's in my room and currently laying upside down on my desk chair

daddy: upside down?

changbean: laying? how do you lay on a chair?

felicks: it is a fact that the gays don't know how to use chairs properly

felicks: we are all living proof of it

felicks: jisung especially

peter han: :)

Tall Boy: no offense but how is that a life update?

peter han: idk

peter han: i just don't have anything else to say about my life cause you all know everything already

peter han: the way i use chairs is the most interesting thing i have to say

Tall Boy: wATI JISUNG!

peter han: wati?

Tall Boy: *wWAIT

Tall Boy: **WAIT

Tall Boy: we forgot to ask jeongin to be the godparent of our kid earlier!

peter han: shit you're right!!

peter han: Jeongin!!!

maknae on top: what

peter han: will you be the godparent of our daughter kiki? <3

maknae on top: yeah sure

peter han: yay! :D

kitten: you would ask jeongin before asking me???

kitten: i can't believe this!!

kitten: i raised you on my back, and this is what i get???

kitten: the DisPrESpeKt!!!!

daddy: minho... you misspelled disrespect...

daddy: my disappointment in you is immesurable :/

seungman: *immeasurable

seungman: you also made a spelling mistake

daddy: ...

peter han: i'm sorry minho! ily! but you're my dad so you're already the grandfather of our children!

peter han: and besides, you're basically the godparent of both dora & samantha

peter han: by the way!! me and hyunjin have 3 kids together in case you didn't know

Tall Boy: yeah!

Tall Boy: their names are chihiro, sophie and kiki <3

Tall Boy: seungmin and felix are the godparents of our other two daughters

changbean: hey!!! this is bullying!!!

changbean: minchan are the grandparents & jeongseunglix are the godparents

changbean: what does that make me???

Tall Boy: their guardian angel maybe?

Tall Boy: idk tbh

changbean: wow, thanks, that really makes me feel better :/

Tall Boy: aww don't be mad!

Tall Boy: hey wait! this can be your villain backstory

changbean: wait what

Tall Boy: you're so upset about the fact that we didn't make you a godparent, so you decide to get your revenge by coming after our children!

changbean: are your children the goldfishes you brought home two days ago?

changbean: cause in that case they're in danger, since i live with them :)

Tall Boy: ...that's an ominous smiley

peter han: please don't actually hurt our children!

peter han: we love them!

changbean: no promises :)

Tall Boy: oh no! jisung!

Tall Boy: what do we do???

peter han: i think we need to k*** changbin

Tall Boy: kiss?????

peter han: NO!!!

peter han: kill

changbean: hey no wait

Tall Boy: oh yeah, that makes sense!

changbean: no guys stop

peter han: there's just no other option

peter han: we can't risk the safety of our children

changbean: what if i promise i won't hurt them??

Tall Boy: ...

Tall Boy: pinky promise?

changbean: yes!!!

Tall Boy: oh okay then

Tall Boy: i guess we can let you live

Tall Boy: for now... :)

changbean: that's mildly terrifying

Tall Boy: as it should be!

Tall Boy: you were about to hurt our children :(

kitten: life update! jisung just fell off my desk chair! :D

Tall Boy: oH NO

Tall Boy: iS HE OKAY???

peter han: minho is laughing at me :(

Tall Boy: aww noo :((

peter han: anyway thanks to all the gay godparents, our daughters are going to love you <3

peter han: but now i need to leave! goodbye! :)

maknae on top: not that i really care, but why?

peter han: to private message hyunjin! :)

maknae on top: okay bYE, i don't wanna see that!!!

=

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: I LOVE YOU

hyunjin: I LOVE YOU TOO <3

hyunjin: is there any specific reason why you're yelling it at me in all caps?

jisung: yeah kinda

jisung: i was feeling down earlier but minho talked me through it and i realized that i probably should have talked to you yesterday

hyunjin: ahh... when you couldn't sleep?

jisung: yeah exactly

jisung: i just like you a lot, and sometimes my anxiety convinces me that i don't deserve someone like you

jisung: or that you're going to realize that you can do much better than me and leave

jisung: and i know we've only been boyfriends for Two (2) days and that my anxiety really has the WORST timing but! that's how it is! :D

hyunjin: you can't control when you feel bad! it's ok, i get it

hyunjin: but i really wanna tell you how much that isn't true

hyunjin: your anxiety is WRONG!

hyunjin: you're a GREAT person!!! and you deserve EVEYRHITNG!!!

jisung: jinnnieeee :((

hyunjin: are you free rn so i can cuddle you? <3

jisung: yes i am <3

hyunjin: ok i'm coming over!

hyunjin: prepare for cuddles <3 <3 <3

jisung: omg okay! i will <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! recently i have developed a new childhood-ruining habit of going onto ao3 and looking up fanfics for things like dora the explorer or spongebob, and so far i have found lazytown bdsm, a dora the explorer prostitution au, and a spongebob mpreg fic. i did not read the mpreg but i read the other two... it started as a joke but now i can feel my sanity slipping… someone pls stop me


	33. uh oh line

**(8): drug deal gang!**

felicks: hi so i just fell from the roof and hurt my ankle and will have to use crutches for the next ~4 weeks, can someone pick me up from the hospital? <3

daddy: felix be careful!

changbean: chan, saying that is completely useless

changbean: he's already fallen from the roof

changbean: it's too late to tell him to be careful now

Tall Boy: i can't believe changbin actually makes a good point for once... :/

changbean: hey!!! rude

peter han: omg lix are you okay???

felicks: yes i am <3

peter han: ohmygod, you're so chaotic

felicks: yeah but so are you :)

peter han: true!

peter han: something tells me that felix and i are going to die together in a mcdonalds parking lot one day

changbean: who told you that?

peter han: seungmin did, just a few minutes ago

seungman: i stand by my words

changbean: have you ever thought about that if you say "00 line" out loud, it kinda sounds like "uh-oh line"

changbean: and that's exactly what the 00 line is

changbean: they're just one big "uh oh"

seungman: hate to say it but he's right

Tall Boy: hey, that's good!

Tall Boy: 00s!! do you wanna change our branding?

felicks: but i really like the italian mafia mob thing we have going on :(

peter han: hmm same

peter han: but i also like the uh-oh thing!

felicks: oof we'll have to think about this some more

felicks: but! is anyone coming to get me?

kitten: yeah i'm on my way to the hospital right now

felicks: omg! thank you! i love you! <<3

felicks: can we please stop to buy orange juice on the way home?

felicks: i really want that sweet sweet flesh juice ^-^

seungman: never say that again. ever

kitten: yeah fine, we can stop by a grocery store

kitten: but only if we get the one without pulp!

peter han: yes! don't get with pulp, that's bad for your health

freckles: no?? you gotta have the bits!!!!!!!

Tall Boy: jisung wtf, it's literally not bad for your health!?!

Tall Boy: orange juice with pulp is great!!!!!!!

peter han: EWWWW NOOOO

kitten: this is why i live with jisung and not another one of you idiots

kitten: orange juice should not have literal pieces of fruit in it, it's not a fucking smoothie

kitten: it's JUICE!

Tall Boy: if you naturally press an orange, there will be bits! so why the fuck would you randomly remove the bits! that doesn't even make SENSE!!!

freckles: exactly!! it tastes way better with it!

changbean: uhm, no

changbean: the bits just get stuck in your mouth and makes it taste weird

peter han: yes!

daddy: personally, i prefer orange juice with pulp but that's my preference

daddy: i just think it's better with the bits in it

kitten: wow... i can't believe i'm dating a traitor :/

daddy: the pulp is good!

daddy: i always get orange juice with pulp

kitten: orange juice with pulp is an ABOMINATION and anyone who drinks it is TASTELESS

freckles: orange juice without pulp is BLAND as FUCK, if you don't get your oj with pulp, you don't know the true meaning of the word TASTE!

maknae on top: ...did i come in at a weird time?

peter han: oh hello innie!

peter han: quick question, do you like orange juice with or without pulp?

seungman: don't answer that

seungman: it's a trap

maknae on top: uh,,, both are good, but i guess i prefer it without pulp?

changbean: YES! THAT'S RIGHT!

Tall Boy: i can't believe he played me like this :(

Tall Boy: jeongin babie, i'm so sorry to say this but you're wrong

Tall Boy: orange juice without pulp is boring, bland, bad, basic...

peter han: my boyfriend is an idiot 💔

kitten: same

Tall Boy: well my boyfriend lacks taste 💔

daddy: same

changbean: oh damn, those cinematic parallels

changbean: hyunsung is just like a younger version of minchan

felicks: wait!!!!!

felicks: seungmin never said if he likes the pulp or not

felicks: does my boyfriend lack taste or can i still date him?

seungman: you would break up with me if i don't like oj with pulp?

felicks: ...maybe?

seungman: i mean,,, innie had a point since both are good

seungman: but if i had to pick then i guess i prefer it with pulp

felicks: YES!!!

seungman: but that doesn't mean orange juice without pulp is bad!

felicks: SORRY I'VE STOPPED LISTENING

felicks: YOU LIKE OJ WITH PULP AND THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS

kitten: damn, i guess i only have one kid now

felicks: wait what

felicks: minho no

seungman: he's disowning us again?

seungman: omg i almost forgot what that's like

felicks: yeah! he's been so busy being in love with chan that he hasn't disowned us in more than a month!

kitten: it's about time!!! i am once again unadopting both seungmin and felix because of their tastelessness

felicks: so you're not picking me up from the hospital? :(

kitten: oh no, i am

kitten: just because you're not my child doesn't mean i'm not your parent, so i'm still coming to pick you up

daddy: ...

seungman: ...

maknae on top: ...

changbean: not to be rude but i think that's exactly what it means

kitten: no :/

changbean: ...ooookay then

changbean: i guess not :/

felicks: anyway we're getting orange juice with pulp!

kitten: no we are not

felicks: yes

kitten: no

felicks: yes

kitten: no

felicks: yes

kitten: fuck you

kitten: i said no

daddy: …just get both?

felicks: omg! brilliant!

kitten: yeah let's do that

daddy: :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes when i'm watching skz videos, something happens that makes me think "damn minho is really bias wrecking me right now" and then a second later i'm like wait… minho IS my bias… he shouldn't be able to bias wreck me...
> 
> and i do the same thing with jisung too
> 
> anyway, orange juice without pulp is good shit but you're allowed to like whatever you want, this chapter was just them being dramatic


	34. among us… rock paper scissors…?

**(8): drug deal gang!**

changbean: i just wanted to say that we would have won that game if you idiots hadn't voted me off the first round for no good reason

kitten: if you don't want to be voted off, then stop being sus!

changbean: i literally did nothing!

Tall Boy: exactly!

Tall Boy: you did nothing, which was a very suspicious thing to do while the rest of us were all doing tasks!

changbean: i TOLD YOU that i saw jisung vent!!! why did no one believe me??

kitten: you type too slow

kitten: when you were done typing that you saw jisung vent, jisung already said that he saw you kill chan

seungman: he has a point

maknae on top: we were inclined to believe jisung, since he said it first

changbean: i said that i witnessed jisung kill chan and you were all like "oh it's changbin" "changbin sus" "vote changbin"

felicks: yeah, because ji said it was you first

felicks: why wouldn't we believe him?

changbean: because this is literally a game about murder and lying to each other?

maknae on top: okay but from our perspective, jisung said he saw you kill chan, and then you tried to deflect by blaming it on jisung instead

changbean: okay FINE!

changbean: but you should have realized the next round, since i was dead and the murders still kept happening!

seungman: yeah but we were playing with two impostors, so obviously the game couldn't end after the first round

seungman: we knew there was at least one left so it wasn't that suspicious

daddy: omg... this is a mess

felicks: hey actually wait!! innie why did you kill me the second round :(

felicks: that was so rude

maknae on top: you were literally standing completely still at the top of cafeteria

maknae on top: it was too good of an opportunity to pass up

seungman: lmao i bet he wanted to kill changbin but then he had to settle for blaming changbin in the voting instead

maknae on top: i mean... i would have liked to stab changbin, but i guess voting him off first is also cool

changbean: hEY???? >:((

peter han: oh damn this might go on for a while

felicks: by the way who did the stack kill?? i saw it happen when i was a ghost but i couldn't figure out if it was jisung or innie who did it

maknae on top: oh that was jisung

maknae on top: i was also on the stack but i was still on kill cooldown from killing felix

Tall Boy: :O

Tall Boy: you're telling me i died at the hands of my own boyfriend?

Tall Boy: bEtrAYal 💔💔💔

daddy: hi jisung!

kitten: stop being so dramatic hyunjin

peter han: hi channie!

Tall Boy: I'M NOT DRAMATIC!

Tall Boy: i was betrayed 💔

daddy: you wanna play rock paper scissors?

seungman: who hadn't done their tasks at the end?

seungman: we were so close!!!

kitten: yeah! if that stack kill hadn't happened, we would have won

peter han: sure chan!

felicks: oh i still had some tasks left

felicks: but it was only, like, one task or smth

seungman: and wE WERE LIKE ONE TASK AWAY FROM WINNING!

kitten: FELIX WHY DIDN'T YOU DO YOUR TASK???

daddy: 3

felicks: i wanted to see what would happen!

felicks: i was following innie around after he killed me

daddy: 2

kitten: WHY? you gotta do your tasks!!!

daddy: 1

daddy: rock!

peter han: rock

felicks: but i didn't know who the second impostor was and i really wanted to know :(

felicks: besides, i was trying to check up on seungmin

seungman: you should have done your tasks instead :/

daddy: 3

daddy: 2

felicks: oh yeah? innie shouldn't have KILLED ME but he still did!

daddy: 1

peter han: rock!

daddy: rock

daddy: aww man, we tied again

maknae on top: i got impostor! what was i supposed to do, just nOT kill you?

maknae on top: nah i don't think so!

changbean: ok but i really had no idea it was jeongin

changbean: not even after i became a ghost

daddy: 3

maknae on top: you could just have gone to cafeteria and seen me kill felix

daddy: 2

Tall Boy: you think changbin's small brain would think of that?

daddy: 1

daddy: rock!

peter han: rock!

peter han: aww no, not again

changbean: oFFENDED!!!

changbean: but also i wasn't even sus of innie so i had no reason to follow him

changbean: i just followed jisung to see what he would do

kitten: didn't you do your tasks?

daddy: 3

daddy: 2

changbean: yes i did! but i was speedrunning them the first round so i was almost done when all of you morons decided to vote me off

daddy: 1

peter han: rock!

daddy: rock!

daddy: omg i can't believe this, we tied again

felicks: we genuinely thought it was you changbin!!

felicks: or i thought so at least

seungman: i didn't think it was changbin i just voted him for the memes

Tall Boy: yeah same

kitten: me too

maknae on top: i was impostor so i only voted him to get a free kill :)

daddy: 3

changbean: you guys are idiots

changbean: we could have gotten one of the impostors after the first round but nooo, you just had to throw all your braincells out the air vent

daddy: 2

daddy: 1

daddy: rock!

peter han: PAPER

peter han: ha! i won!

daddy: nooo 💔

kitten: wait what the fuck have chan and jisung been doing this entire time?

felicks: omg

felicks: are you two playing rock paper scissors???

daddy: yeah we have been

peter han: thanks for finally noticing <3

kitten: okay so anyway, i think we should have a rematch

kitten: making innie and ji the impostors was kinda rude since it's illegal to be mean to either of them

Tall Boy: minho makes a great point

seungman: also, what were we thinking when we chose to play with 2 impostors?

seungman: there's only 8 of us so those odds are bad for the crewmates

daddy: what if we had ten players though? then it would work better to have two impostors

kitten: okay so who are we inviting to play with us?

seungman: suddenly i have no friends

peter han: oh!

peter han: my sister loves to play among us, i bet she'd be down to join us for a few games

Tall Boy: omg my sister too!

daddy: okay then! you two ask your sisters and we can play again later once everyone has calmed down

changbean: if you fuckers vote me off in the first round again...

felicks: i'm sorry changbin, i genuinely thought it was you!

seungman: lol i did it for the memes

changbean: FUCKERS!

daddy: ...yeah ok i guess it'll be a while until we can play again

daddy: hyunsung, go ask your sisters in the meantime

Tall Boy: yessir!

peter han: yessir!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is when they actually play among us ft. yeji and yuna! aka hyunsung's siblings in this story :D


	35. AMONG US

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE
> 
> (also, about the formatting: the messages written in parenthesis are ghost chat which means only the other ghosts can read them. yeah ok that's it bye)

_jisung joined the game_

_yuna joined the game_

jisung: YO

yuna: YO

yuna: where r your friends

yuna: lmao did u lie about having friends?

jisung: NO

yuna: lol sure

yuna: are your friends imaginary?

_chan joined the game_

yuna: oh ok i guess not

chan: hi guys!

yuna: hi chad

chan: it's chan

chan: but hi anyway! nice to meet you

yuna: yeah i know

chan: ...

_minho joined the game_

_seungmin joined the game_

yuna: omg!

yuna: hi losers

seungmin: oh no, it's her

chan: you know jisung's sister?

seungmin: i met her once

seungmin: she's really nice but also very gen z humor so idk

yuna: wow i can't believe i'm about to ruin any chance of making a good impression on jisung's friends

yuna: playing among us is not a good way to make friends

minho: that is very true

jisung: lmao

_hyunjin joined the game_

hyunjin: who are we waiting for

hyunjin: wait yeji didn't come in yet

_yeji joined the game_

yeji: hi everyone!

chan: hello yeji! welcome!

_felix joined the game_

yuna: omg it's gamer boi!

felix: wait shit i forgot to set my name to something fun :(

felix: also hi yuna!

minho: well this is a mess

minho: where's bin and innie?

yeji: bin, like in trash bin?

minho: exactly!

felix: MINHO NOO

felix: don't do changbin like this :(

_changbin joined the game_

_jeongin joined the game_

chan: everyone's here now!

chan: we can start the game

Start game?

[Yes] [No]

chan: good luck guys! 

felix: good luck have fun!

changbin: impostor pls don't kill me first

seungmin: lmao

minho: impostor please kill changbin first

The game is starting...

There are 2 impostors among us

=

A dead body was reported

Dead: changbin

jisung: GUYS I HAVE INFO

(changbin): WHAT

(changbin): THE

(changbin): FUUUUUUUUCK???!?!?

hyunjin: where's the body

yeji: where

seungmin: where

jisung: well idk what the room is called

jisung: but it's down to the left!

chan: okay so what's the info?

jisung: that changbin is not the impostor

(changbin): no fucking shit

hyunjin: ...

minho: lmao

yeji: i mean, changbin is dead

yeji: so yeah i think you're right about that

seungmin: ...anyone got any valuable info?

jisung: nope that's all i had

seungmin: jisung sus

seungmin: vote jisung

jisung: WHAT NO

jisung: this is what i'm always like!

minho: he's got a point

felix: yeah he's always weird

yuna: aww :(

yuna: so we're not voting jisung?

chan: no

felix: skip

_felix voted_

_seungmin voted_

_jisung voted_

_chan voted_

_yuna voted_

_jeongin voted_

_yeji voted_

_hyunjin voted_

_minho voted_

No one was ejected. (Skipped)

2 impostors remain

The game is starting...

=

A dead body was reported

Dead: seungmin

(changbin): hello seungmin

(changbin): welcome to ghost chat

hyunjin: omg guys i think it's chan

chan: what why

hyunjin: i was on cams

(seungmin): lmao i can't believe you got killed first again

jeongin: what did you see hyunjin?

jeongin: lmao chan

(changbin): -.-

yuna: let's just vote chad

jisung: yuna wait

jisung: let hyunjin say what he saw first

chan: my name is CHAN

(seungmin): so who killed you changbin?

(changbin): well you're not nice

(changbin): i'm not telling you

hyunjin: i saw chan run over seungmin's dead body!

(seungmin): damn ok

felix: omg hyunjin did you see chan kill seungmin?

hyunjin: no no the body was already there

hyunjin: but chan didn't report it!

hyunjin: so i ran there to report it after he left

(seungmin): oh yes, a bold fucking move by chan!

_yuna voted_

jeongin: omg yeah it makes sense!

jeongin: chan is kinda big brain sometimes, so he knew he had to kill seungmin to win

minho: yeah since seungmin is very big brain

minho: he would have figured it out if he was left alive

(seungmin): damn right i would've

yeji: so we vote chan?

yuna: yeah vote chad

chan: my name

chan: is CHAN!

_hyunjin voted_

_jisung voted_

_yeji voted_

minho: sorry babe

_minho voted_

_felix voted_

_jeongin voted_

chan: :(

_chan voted_

chan was The Impostor

1 Impostor remains

The game is starting...

=

An emergency meeting was called

Called by: hyunjin

hyunjin: omg wait yeji is dead

hyunjin: when did she die??

(yeji): :(

minho: did anyone see her body?

(changbin): hi yeji, welcome to ghost chat

(changbin): and welcome to chan too ig

felix: no

felix: wait omg

jeongin: what is it?

felix: big brain time!

felix: maybe hyunjin called this meeting to cover up the murder!

hyunjin: nooo!

jisung: it can't be hyunjin, i was with him all round

yuna: jisung sus

yuna: vote jisung

(chan): sorry for killing you guys btw

jisung: STOP TRYING TO GET ME KILLED

jisung: i'm gonna vote to skip before something bad happens

_jisung voted_

yuna: :(

(seungmin): you didn't kill me so it's fine

minho: hyunjin did you have info

minho: or did you just call this meeting to be annoying?

hyunjin: a little bit of both!

jeongin: ok so what's your info?

hyunjin: i think it's minho!

minho: ok

hyunjin: ...aren't you gonna defend yourself?

jeongin: give us proof first

jeongin: why is it minho?

hyunjin: i was with jisung so it's not him

hyunjin: i ran past yuna a bunch of times and i'm pretty sure she was doing tasks

yuna: i was

hyunjin: felix would never kill seungmin that early

felix: absolutely true!

felix: RIP seungmin ily <3

(seungmin): ily2 <3

minho: but do you have any proof that i've done the kills?

minho: i can't defend myself against this, you need real proof

(seungmin): he's right

hyunjin: okay! then i'll get some real proof!

_hyunjin voted_

_minho voted_

minho: let's skip this time and vote next round

felix: yeah ok

_felix voted_

jeongin: ok

_jeongin voted_

_yuna voted_

No one was ejected. (Skipped)

1 impostor remains

The game is starting...

=

A dead body was reported

Dead: hyunjin

jisung: ohMYGOD YOU MURDERED MY BOYFRIEND!!!

_jisung voted_

(yeji): wait what

(yeji): boyfriend?

jeongin: who did?

felix: who

yuna: wait wtf?

yuna: you have a boyfriend???

(yeji): yeah wtf???

(chan): wait did hyunjin not tell you?

jisung: IT'S MINHO

minho: NO

minho: i was about to report the body!

jisung: yeah right! i walked in on you standing over my boyfriend's dead body!!!

(yeji): hyunjin didn't tell me he had a boyfriend!

(yeji): TRAITOR

felix: omg

jeongin: minchan impostors!

(seungmin): damn

(hyunjin): wAIT SHIT YEJI

(hyunjin): I WAS GONNA TELL YOU I SWEAR

yuna: wait jisung

yuna: your BOYFRIEND???

jisung: yeah, my boyfriend hyunjin

jisung: oh sHIT I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT!

(yeji): HYUNJIN WTF

(yeji): AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH???

yuna: DAMN RIGHT YOU DIDN'T

yuna: WHYYY

(hyunjin): YEJI I'M SORRY

jisung: I FORGOT

(yeji): I WISH I WAS IMPOSTOR SO I COULD KILL YOU

yuna: UNACCEPTABLE

yuna: HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

(hyunjin): YEJI PLS

(hyunjin): IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE

jisung: I'M FORGETFUL OK??

(yeji): YEAH, BUT YOUR DEATH WILL NOT BE A MISTAKE

(yeji): i can't believe you've done this to me

yuna: lmao i know you're forgetful

yuna: BUT STILL!!!!!!!

(chan): ...

jeongin: ...so are we voting minho, or?

(seungmin): lol this is funny

minho: it's not me

minho: scout's honor

jisung: you've never been a boy scout though

(changbin): ...what are they even talking about?

(changbin): just vote minho out!!!

minho: ??? yes i have been

minho: jisung you should know about this

jisung: no?

minho: in middle school

jisung: ?

minho: jisung

minho: you were there, you should know about the time i was a boy scout

(seungmin): what's going on...?

jisung: OOOOOOH WAIT I REMEMBER NOW

jisung: but yeah no

jisung: we're still voting you :)

(changbin): yes! cmon! get him!

felix: ok

_felix voted_

_jeongin voted_

minho: aight i guess i'll just vote for myself then

_minho voted_

minho was The Impostor

0 impostors remain

**VICTORY**

hyunjin: omg thanks for avenging me bby! <3

jisung: of course <3

yeji: i saw what you were writing when i was a ghost :/

chan: oh yeah you guys should have seen the ghost chat!

chan: apparently hyunsung didn't tell their siblings that they're dating

yuna: i'M STILL MAD ABOUT THAT

yeji: me too

yeji: or not mad, but i'm definitely gonna hold this against hyunjin

jeongin: as you should!

yuna: same here

jisung: wait guys

jisung: sorry to interrupt but i have a great pickup line

jisung: can i please say it?

minho: sure

yuna: i might have to disconnect... :/

jisung: there is a cutie among us, and hyunjin is looking kinda sus <3

hyunjin: asjdlksjdkjfaks

hyunjin: <3

felix: i love how he keyboard smashes and then sends a heart

yuna: this behavior is illegal, someone call yonk

minho: yonk?

seungmin: yonk?

felix: yONK???

yuna: yes, yonk.

jisung: she means young k

jisung: aka brian

jisung: aka our older brother

felix: OMG HAHAHAHHA

seungmin: stan day6, stan yonk

yuna: yes thank you

yuna: anyway!

yuna: should we play again?

felix: yes!

changbin: yeah let's go

changbin: and please don't kill me first this time!!

seungmin: lmao

chan: start the game jisung!

jisung: ok!

Start game?

[Yes] [No]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY HI SIDE NOTE i love that jae and mark play are playing among us w a bunch of people i watch on yt, i love that crossover


	36. AMONG US pt 2

The game is starting...

=

A dead body was reported

Dead: changbin

hyunjin: omg how did they have time to kill 2 people already???

hyunjin: both chan and changbin are dead

(changbin): WHAT

(changbin): THE

(changbin): FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK????????!??!?!??!

seungmin: i just KNOW changbin is screaming in a corner somewhere

(chan): lmao

minho: lmao

felix: awww nooo, binnie got killed first again :(

(changbin): YEAH

(changbin): CLEARLY

jeongin: guys stop getting distracted

jeongin: where's the body?

yeji: in the upper part of cafeteria

yuna: oh wait i have info!

yuna: i saw changbin there with jisung before i left cafeteria

(chan): i'm sorry for you binnie

(chan): better luck next time!

(changbin): b1tch...

(changbin): you're the one who killed me last time :/

jisung: ??? i never went up in the cafeteria though

hyunjin: yeah i left cafeteria with jisung right when the game started

hyunjin: it couldn't have been him

yuna: aww no :(

minho: wait, yuna

minho: are you trying to get jisung framed?

yuna: i just wanna kill my brother :(

yuna: is that really so wrong?

(chan): why is yuna acting so sus

(chan): is she the other impostor? i only know one

jisung: impostor behavior!

(changbin): no i don't think she is

yuna: wdym?

yuna: i was trying to get you killed last round too

jeongin: guys we gotta vote!

_jisung voted_

jisung: vote for yuna!

minho: yuna?

felix: noo i don't wanna kill yuna, she's new :(

(changbin): now i am seething

(changbin): the impostor is acting so innocent :/

seungmin: well i'm voting yuna

seungmin: no offense

_seungmin voted_

_felix voted_

_minho voted_

_hyunjin voted_

yuna: :/

jisung: yeah i already did :)

_jeongin voted_

_yeji voted_

yuna: fine then

yuna: have fun LOSING!

_yuna voted_

yuna was not The Impostor

2 impostors remain

The game is starting...

=

A dead body was reported

Dead: hyunjin

jisung: i DEMAND TO KNOW EVERYONE'S LOCATION!

jisung: RIGHT NOW!

(hyunjin): yES

(hyunjin): AVENGE ME BBY

(hyunjin): AGAIN

felix: where's the body

jisung: NO!

jisung: YOUR LOCATION FIRST

(chan): ...hyunjin doesn't know who the second imposter is, does he?

(changbin): clearly not

(changbin): and i'm not telling

jeongin: i'm on cams with yeji!

yeji: can confirm

(hyunjin): ??? wdym

(hyunjin): who's the second impostor?

felix: i'm in medbay

seungmin: i just walked in on felix in medbay

seungmin: before that i was in reactor

(chan): don't worry about it hyunjin!

(chan): you'll find out who the impostors are at the end :)

jisung: ok

jisung: minho?

minho: storage

(yuna): lmao i wonder what they're gonna do

jisung: MINHO! I WILL KILL YOU!!!

minho: what?

minho: why??

jisung: tHE BODY IS IN ELECTRICAL

jisung: DID YOU MURDER MY BOYFRIEND???

minho: NO

minho: I WOULD KILL SEUNGMIN WAY BEFORE I WOULD KILL HYUNJIN!!

(yuna): damn that was harsh

seungmin: okay minho... okay...

jisung: BUT MAYBE YOU WERE ALONE WITH HYUNJIN IN ELECTRICAL

jisung: AND DECIDED TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY

(hyunjin): jisung ily but pls

(hyunjin): get it right

minho: THAT'S NOT TRUE!!

minho: i walked into storage from the right side, that's the opposite of where hyunjin's body is

seungmin: innie and yeji, you two were on cams

yeji: yeah we were

seungmin: can you confirm minho's story?

jeongin: honestly?

jeongin: no

(yuna): oof-

(yuna): minho is telling the truth tho

(yuna): they have to be trolling

(changbin): or they're just really bad at paying attention

yeji: yeah idk either, but i saw minho with hyunjin a bit earlier

yeji: not sure what side of the ship though

jisung: MINHO!

(hyunjin): no bby it wasn't minho

(changbin): hyunjin, he can't see what you're saying

(changbin): there's no point in exposing the impostors here

minho: it wasn't me, for real

minho: what if felix killed hyunjin and then vented to medbay?

(hyunjin): !!!

seungmin: that literally makes no sense

minho: uh, yes it does? it makes perfect sense??

(chan): ...why are they dumb?

(chan): minho's idea literally makes perfect sense

jeongin: felix is an angel who's done nothing wrong in his life, ever

felix: ^-^

(changbin): you know what, i wouldn't have been able to argue with that either

(changbin): felix is the most innocent bean ever

(hyunjin): fELIX MURDERED ME IN COLD BLOOD

(hyunjin): I WISH JISUNG HAD NEVER LEFT MY SIDE :((

minho: ...you guys are really gonna vote me off like this, huh

minho: is this what i get for raising you all on my back?

seungmin: lol yes

felix: yeah pretty much

jisung: in out defense, you MURDERED my boyfriend!!!

_jisung voted_

(hyunjin): no he didn't :(

minho: but i didn't!

minho: don't you think i would have lied about my location if i knew where the body was?

yeji: guys the time is almost out

_seungmin voted_

seungmin: someone call a meeting immediately if it's not minho

seungmin: just in case

felix: yeah but we're voting minho now

_felix voted_

_yeji voted_

_jeongin voted_

minho: well then bye i guess

minho: have fun LOSING!

(yuna): oh shit he sounds like me

_minho voted_

minho was not The Impostor

2 impostors remain

The game is starting...

=

An emergency meeting was called

Called by: seungmin

seungmin: if we get this wrong, we lose

seungmin: so let's apply some logic here

felix: omg it wasn't minho :o

(minho): you fucking idiots...

jeongin: yes! logic let's go!

(chan): hi minho! <3

(chan): welcome to ghost chat!

seungmin: any one of us could have killed chan and changbin, so focusing on those two is useless

seungmin: but jisung would never kill hyunjin

(hyunjin): true <3

jisung: i was with him every single second up until he DIED

jisung: i left for FIVE MINUTES and then he's GONE!

seungmin: exactly

felix: but if it wasn't minho who killed hyunjin, then who did?

(hyunjin): YOU DID!!!

(minho): wait for real?

(minho): sO I WAS RIGHT!

(minho): IT'S FELIX

seungmin: we don't know for sure at what time hyunjin died

seungmin: the killer might have had time to get far away

seungmin: to the cams room, for example...

jisung: oooh seungmin throwing sus on two people at once

felix: a bold move!

(changbin): i don't think they're gonna catch the impostors... :/

jeongin: i was in cams before yeji

jeongin: and i came from the upper side, which is not where the body was

yeji: i came from that side of the ship, but i promise i never went into electrical

yeji: i didn't kill hyunjin

seungmin: hmm...

seungmin: okay

seungmin: so who was the last person who saw hyunjin?

jisung: at the start of the round i was running with hyunjin, yeji and minho

(minho): so wait

(minho): it's felix and yeji?

(minho): or felix and jisung?

yeji: that's true

yeji: jisung was the first who split from us

(hyunjin): jISUNG IS AN IMPOSTOR???!?!?

seungmin: so what i'm hearing is that you were the last one who saw hyunjin alive?

yeji: no

yeji: i left hyunjin alone with minho

seungmin: and where is minho now?

jeongin: OOOH

jeongin: minho is DEAD!

(minho): ...how is that relevant?

(minho): yeji is telling the truth

seungmin: exactly

yeji: ...i don't see the connection?

jisung: i don't think there is a connection

jisung: but you were the last person who's still alive that saw hyunjin

(hyunjin): JISUNG??!?!?

jeongin: plus you're his sister, and all siblings want to kill each other

(hyunjin): lmao that's kinda true

(yuna): it really is :)

yeji: by that logic jisung and yuna should have been trying to kill each other too

yeji: wait...

yeji: what if it's jisung and someone else? jisung got yuna voted off earlier

jisung: but i would never kill hyunjin!!

yeji: so maybe you didn't kill hyunjin

yeji: maybe the other impostor did

(hyunjin): !!!

jeongin: hmm... i still think it's yeji

jeongin: (sorry yeji)

yeji: i really think it's jisung

yeji: (and it's ok jeongin, this is just a game!)

felix: so guys, we gotta vote now

felix: and i'm not voting for jisung

(chan): of course you're not :/

yeji: omg i think it might be jisung and felix

yeji: felix could have used the vent to get to medbay after killing hyunjin

(changbin): she's onto something here!

(changbin): wow i can't believe yeji has some braincells

felix: or yeji just ran to cams after killing him?

(chan): nooo don't let felix trick you!

jisung: guys we'll lose if we get this wrong

jisung: is anyone clear for sure?

(hyunjin): JISUNG???!?!??!

(hyunjin): IS JISUNG IMPOSTER!??!?

felix: seungmin should have seen me do tasks i think?

(minho): HOW THE FUCK WOULD HE HAVE SEEN YOU DO TASKS?

(changbin): MAYBE MURDERS BUT DEFINITELY NO TASKS

(changbin): NO SIR

seungmin: i can't say for sure...

jeongin: wait but what if it's seungmin?

jeongin: he's trying really hard to be detective and throws a lot of sus on people

(chan): isn't that what seungmin is always like though?

jisung: that's true!

felix: but i think the safe bet would be to vote yeji

felix: (sorry yeji)

_felix voted_

_jisung voted_

seungmin: yeah ok, let's go with that

_seungmin voted_

(hyunjin): nO

(hyunjin): DON'T

jeongin: lmao seungmin will do anything felix says

_jeongin voted_

jisung: ok!

jisung: (and i'm sorry too yeji)

yeji: fine whatever

yeji: (it's okay guys!)

_yeji voted_

yeji was not The Impostor

2 impostors remain

**DEFEAT**

jeongin: nooo!

felix: HA! it was me and jisung! :D

seungmin: honestly, i think i knew

seungmin: just didn't wanna vote my own boyfriend

jisung: sure you knew :/

chan: guys you should have seen the ghost chat

chan: changbin was YELLING

changbin: YOU KILLED ME FIRST

changbin: AGAIN

yeji: wait who killed changbin?

felix: i did :p

changbin: AND THEN YOU ACTED ALL SAD ABOUT IT IN THE CHAT!

changbin: "nooo binnie was killed first again :("

changbin: yeah, killed by YOU!!

hyunjin: JISUNG I FEEL BETRAYED

jisung: i didn't kill you though!

hyunjin: but i still died! :(

hyunjin: and you were the impostor!!

jisung: i was gonna leave you alive but then felix killed you while i was looking for other people to murder :(

felix: sorry about that by the way

felix: i just figured it might make jisung seem innocent since he would never kill his own boyfriend

jeongin: it really did!

seungmin: yeah that was a good move

chan: jisung killed me in the cafeteria but no one found my body :(

chan: anyway good game ji & lix!

jisung: thank you chan! :D

minho: yeah, you did great

felix: thanks '3'

changbin: 3...?

felix: omg no binnie

felix: it's a kissy face!

yuna: ...did you just say kissy?

yuna: like in pussy?

jisung: YUNA STOP

yeji: lmao

yeji: yuna you're fun, i like you

yuna: thanks! :D

yuna: do you wanna be friends?

yeji: sure! hyunjin can give jisung my number and he can give it to you

yuna: ok! great! :D

hyunjin: wait

hyunjin: does this make me your wingman? since i'm the one who invited you to play with us?

jisung: me too! i'm also a wingman

yuna: yeah ok whatever

yuna: anyway i had fun today! thanks for playing

felix: thanks for joining us! :D

jeongin: yeah! it was fun ^o^

chan: hope everyone had a good time!

chan: and yuna, it was nice meeting you

chan: and yeji, it was nice talking to you again, it's been a while!

yeji: same! thanks for inviting me ^-^

changbin: bye! it was nice meeting you even though i had a bad time

changbin: that wasn't your fault though

seungmin: stop being salty

hyunjin: bye everyone!

yuna: bye peeps + loser <3

jisung: i'm guessing the loser is me?

yuna: you are correct <3

jisung: ok

jisung: thanks :/


	37. back to the bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys please stay safe! esp if you're american! but also if you're not american! there's a lot going on right now so remember to take care of yourself!!!!

**(8): drug deal gang!**

daddy: being 12 years old was so weird

changbean: ???

changbean: i mean, yes, but why are you suddenly thinking about that?

daddy: idk

daddy: it was a weird time

peter han: when i was 11, i turned 13 :)

maknae on top: aaand we're back to the bullshit

seungman: hey jisung, what the fuck does that mean

changbean: you can't just skip 12!

peter han: well i did :p

peter han: because 12 is a little bitch and i didn't wanna be that

kitten: sometimes i wonder what's wrong with you

seungman: only sometimes?

seungman: i wonder that everyday

felicks: speaking of being 12 years old!!

felicks: can we talk about the sexual tension between sportacus and robby rotten from lazytown?

seungman: no!

seungman: I am NOT going there today

felicks: but if you think about it!

felicks: chan kinda has sportacus vibes

felicks: and minho has robby rotten vibes

kitten: i'd love to be a villain, they have more fun

maknae on top: that is true!

Tall Boy: do you think there's a lazytown fandom somewhere i can join?

Tall Boy: omg! do you think there are lazytown fanfics on ao3? :0

peter han: there are

changbean: why do you say that which such certainty...?

peter han: i know there are

peter han: i found fucking bdsm in the lazytown tag

changbean: what the hell were you doing in the lazytown tag on ao3??

felicks: as important as i think it is to get answers, i wanna tell you about the dora fic i read the other day on ao3

kitten: please don't tell me you're talking about dora the explorer...

felicks: i am talking about dora the explorer! :)

felicks: it was a prostitution AU

seungman: FELIX ILY BUT WTF

maknae on top: ...can someone please kick out jisung and felix from this group chat?

maknae on top: they're ruining my childhood

peter han: you didn't even let me tell you about the lazytown bdsm yet!

peter han: how am i ruining your childhood???

maknae on top: STOP MENTIONING IT

peter han: the lazytown bdsm wasn't even half as bad as the mpreg spongebob squarepants fic i found with felix earlier today

peter han: that one had mpreg AND tentacle sex

maknae on top: JISUNG STOP

felicks: oh yeah! we found that fic earlier today

felicks: that's why i was thinking about the lazytown thing when this convo started

seungman: can we maybe not do this right now

seungman: or, like, ever?

seungman: please

peter han: ok fine i guess :/

felicks: oh! i actually have another thing i wanted to talk about

maknae on top: ...is it as bad as the lazytown/dora/spongebob fanfiction?

felicks: no!

felicks: but recently i've been trying to learn necromancy, so i'm just wondering if anyone has a crispy corpse i could borrow?

seungman: please, for the love of all that is holy, never say that again

seungman: ever

felicks: what? crispy corpse?

seungman: STOP!

peter han: aww, seungminnie doesn't like the crispy corpse!

Tall Boy: would you prefer it if he used a soggy corpse?

seungman: holy shit no!

seungman: Absolutely Not

changbean: ...i can't decide which part of this conversation is worse

changbean: the spongebob mpreg? dora the explorer prostitution AU? lazytown bdsm? or felix asking for a crispy corpse?

maknae on top: i have decided to make it easy for myself by simply not choosing

maknae on top: they're all just Bad

daddy: i agree with innie :/

kitten: i'm honestly not that bothered by it

kitten: i mean, i would never read any of those fics, but if you're into that then go for it

kitten: i don't judge

peter han: okay so i just wanna clarify

peter han: i'm not actually into any of the things i mentioned

felicks: me neither!!!

peter han: me and felix were just looking it up for fun

peter han: please don't think we were actually reading any of that!

felicks: ...i mean...

felicks: we did read all three of those fics together

seungman: ...

changbean: wtf???

felicks: but yeah jisung's right! it's not like we're actually into it!!

felicks: it was all just for fun!

Tall Boy: seungmin

Tall Boy: do you maybe wanna change boyfriends?

seungman: yes please

peter han: wait what

peter han: hyunjin?

peter han: what

felicks: omg seungmin no!! i wasn't serious, i'm not into any of those things!!!

seungman: too late, i'm dating hyunjin now

seungman: you can date jisung if you're gonna be kinky like that

felicks: NO

peter han: no offense, but i could not date felix

felicks: HEY!

felicks: WHY NOT??

peter han: ??? i'm just not into you

felicks: ok but have you read that study about how it takes 36 questions to fall in love?

felicks: we could try that

peter han: oooh maybe!

felicks: i bet we could fall in love if we really tried to!

felicks: but at the same time idk

felicks: you really have best friend vibes to me so it might be kinda weird...?

peter han: hmmm... i feel the same way about you

peter han: i love you a lot in a best friend type of way

maknae on top: ...how can jilix be literal friendship goals, but at the same time i want nothing to do with them??

daddy: idk

daddy: it's weird

felicks: but what if you asked those 36 questions to a lot of people? would that be the start of some great polyamory relationship?

felicks: can those 36 questions really guarantee love??? and if they can, why aren't more people in love?

peter han: damn i kinda wanna try this now

seungman: ok so i just googled what you two are talking about and it's "36 questions that may lead to love"

seungman: the love is not guaranteed

seungman: but it's still interesting

felicks: what if all of us answered those questions about ourselves? does that mean all eight of us would fall in love?

kitten: ok this is getting too deep

kitten: jilix, go do something else

kitten: read some more fanfic or something, idk

felicks: okay but in my defense, being on crutches is very boring!

peter han: yeah he's right!

peter han: you can't blame him for resorting to weird fanfics and necromancy

peter han: that just what happens when you hurt your ankle

felicks: true!

maknae on top: i'm pretty sure it's only felix who does that, but okay...

Tall Boy: okay so what's jisung's excuse then?

Tall Boy: his ankle isn't injured

peter han: i wanted to watch youtube but they didn't put subtitles on the thing i wanted to watch so i had no other choice

peter han: i had to read the fanfiction

seungman: not the most logical conclusion, but ok...

felicks: anyway we're leaving now! bye guys :D

felicks: time for more fanfiction!

daddy: i feel bad for their brain cells :/

kitten: what brain cells?

kitten: lmao

felicks: OKAY BYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants to use the comment section as a story time for how you got into stray kids, i would love to hear it! :D
> 
> for me, the first stray kids song i heard was 'mirror' and i remember being soo impressed by it. then a few weeks later i was trying to find the song again, but all i could find was 'miroh' and.. it's not that i was unimpressed, because i wasn't, but i was like "yeah sure this is nice, but not as good as mirror :(". and i find that so fucking funny because for a long time, 'miroh' was their most successful song and i completely ignored it because i thought 'mirror' was The Absolute Best you could get.
> 
> hahah yeah anyway feel free to tell me your story time if you wanna


	38. visual music

**(private chat): changbin, hyunjin**

changbin: you're dating jisung

hyunjin: yea…?

hyunjin: why would you start a conversation like that

changbin: okay wait, lemme try again

changbin: so you're an art major

hyunjin: yes...?

changbin: you do art

hyunjin: WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS????

changbin: you're good at making art

hyunjin: WHERE

hyunjin: IS THIS

hyunjin: CONVERSATION

hyunjin: GOING????

changbin: you're an art major! and i'm a music major!

changbin: and i want to work with you on something!

hyunjin: no thanks, i know nothing about music except that i like listening to music

changbin: you won't have to work with music!

changbin: i want you to create art based on some songs i've made

hyunjin: ooooooh!

changbin: kind of like a visual interpretation of the songs

changbin: basically, art pieces that look the same way the song sounds

hyunjin: wait this sounds really fun!!!

hyunjin: it's like visual music! songs that you can see!

changbin: so does that mean you wanna do it with me?

hyunjin: of course!!! :D

changbin: great!

changbin: it's for my graduation project

changbin: first i was going to be basic and just record a few songs as a project, maybe perform some of them live, but this will be more fun

changbin: plus more people can enjoy it this way!

hyunjin: !!!

hyunjin: wait...

hyunjin: are you doing this because of jisung?

changbin: not really

changbin: or i mean, getting to know jisung is what made me think about my music and how it reaches people, and also about how music isn't something everyone can take part in

changbin: and it made me think about how i express myself to people who can't hear me, or what ways i could show my songs to someone who's not able to hear them

changbin: which is what inspired this project

changbin: but it's not just him, even if it was definitely inspired by him

changbin: i make music to express myself, but i wanna express myself to everyone and not just those who can hear

hyunjin: omg

hyunjin: binnie

hyunjin: omg

changbin: ...got any more words than just "omg"?

hyunjin: omg omg oMG

changbin: -.-

hyunjin: okay wait i'm gonna say something

hyunjin: like, actual words

changbin: i'm waiting

hyunjin: it's a great idea!!! thank you for asking me!!! i'm really excited to work on this with you!!! :D

hyunjin: can i tell jisung or is it a secret?

changbin: not unless you want it to be?

hyunjin: i'm really bad at keeping secrets but i like surprises, sooo

hyunjin: i'll tell him i'm working with you on your graduation project but not what i'm doing specifically!

hyunjin: but wait... he's really good at art and i usually ask him for feedback on things

changbin: you can still do that even without saying what the art is for

changbin: but i'm thinking it's not only gonna be art pieces, but also video clips or other forms of visual art! maybe some graphic design, idk yet

hyunjin: you could involve seungmin! he's a photography major

changbin: oh shit you're right! that's a good idea!

changbin: wait doesn't felix dance? or was that minho?

hyunjin: both of them dance! minho is actually a part time dance teacher and felix takes classes at the same dance studio

changbin: you could work with them and choreograph a song or two!

hyunjin: OMG

changbin: ...will you ever give me an actual response?

hyunjin: YES!

hyunjin: IDEA

hyunjin: GREAT!!

changbin: wait, won't chan and jeongin and jisung feel left out if everyone except them get to work on this?

hyunjin: jisung is an art major

hyunjin: he could help me with art pieces

changbin: i thought you wanted this to be a surprise?

hyunjin: he doesn't have to know what the art pieces are for!

changbin: i'm pretty sure he has to know

changbin: since, you know

changbin: you're gonna have to describe the vibe and emotion of the songs so he knows what to do with the art

hyunjin: well ok whatever!

hyunjin: moving on

hyunjin: how many songs do you have? what are they called? how are you going to present this project? when is it due? who's going to judge it? can i tell my art teachers about this and raise my grade by being an amazing overachieving student who works on projects outside of the mandatory projects? will there be an audience? can i invite people? will it be more like an art exhibition or a concert?

changbin: ...those were a lot of questions and i don't have many answers

changbin: i'm probably gonna do it like a concert but with a screen at the back so i can play videos or show photos there

changbin: i only have three songs that i have decided are going to be in it FOR SURE but there will probably be like five more

hyunjin: ok! cool! nice!

hyunjin: are you gonna be singing live or just playing the songs from your computer?

changbin: i'm thinking about doing a mix of both

changbin: but even when i'm singing live, i'm gonna have videos or photos in the back so there's still something visual to focus on

hyunjin: omg this sounds so cool

hyunjin: your mind amazes me

changbin: okay calm down, the idea is still really rough

hyunjin: but it's a GREAT idea! omg i'm so excited :D

changbin: thanks!

changbin: i'll tell you more about it later and send you the songs and stuff

hyunjin: okay! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAN JISUNG SAID BISH. he said that. i'll repeat it again: han jisung said bish. he really did say that.
> 
> in other news, i am currently writing six song at once and i think that's a new record for me. my mind is like a web browser with a million tabs open at once


	39. zzzoiac sign... soacd sins

**(8): drug deal gang!**

Tall Boy: hi my name is hyunjin and my hobbies include scrolling through astrology pages on instagram and feeling personally attacked every single time my zodiac sign is mentioned

peter han: okay but same

felicks: hahahah me too

peter han: by the way, my zodiac sign is gremlin <3

kitten: hey jisung

kitten: do you accept feedback on your statements?

peter han: no, i will no longer accept your thinly veiled criticism disguised as feedback toward my ideas!

peter han: fuck you

kitten: ...ok

maknae on top: zzzoiac sign... soacd sins

maknae on top: zuddiec segns

daddy: innie... What?

maknae on top: tip

maknae on top: hihihihihhihihihihihih! :D

daddy: are you ok?

maknae on top: zzzzzzudiec segns

maknae on top: wuts ya zodec segn channie?

daddy: ...what is he saying and why is my name in there?

changbean: he's asking what your zodiac sign is

maknae on top: omg wait!

maknae on top: i wanna look up compataibility tests for you guyses zodiac signs!

daddy: what has happened to your spelling?

daddy: where did the grammar go?

maknae on top: i Gave Up

maknae on top: so anyway! :D

maknae on top: i know sungseunglix were all born in september so i'm guessing they're virgos

maknae on top: i know hyunjin is a pisces and changben is lion

changbean: it's called leo, but ok

changbean: also my name is not changben

maknae on top: be glad i know your sign at all!

maknae on top: anyway :D

maknae on top: i'm starting with minchan compitibitility test!

maknae on top: wtf are their zodiac signs??

kitten: libra and scorpio

maknae on top: ok

Tall Boy: ...what happened to this conversation

Tall Boy: why is he doing this?

peter han: why not?

Tall Boy: you know what

Tall Boy: that is a perfectly valid reason

seungman: i'm still wondering if innie is okay

seungman: his spelling and grammar have never been this bad before

maknae on top: "When Libra and Scorpio come together in a love match, they tend to make a very emotionally connected and mutually satisfying union"

maknae on top: "These two are very compatible due to their similar needs in a love relationship"

maknae on top: LMAO LOOK AT THIS

maknae on top: "Scorpio thrives on emotional and sexual intimacy with their mate"

peter han: HAHAHHAHA MINHOOOO

felicks: MINHOOOOOO

seungman: MINHOOOOOO

kitten: yes i saw

kitten: honestly, idk what to say

kitten: it's not like they're wrong ;)

daddy: miNHO

maknae on top: "These two are real charmers; they know how to woo and seduce one another and take great pleasure in doing so"

daddy: that's enough about us!!

daddy: do another couple

maknae on top: who's next?

maknae on top: hyunsung or seunglix

felicks: excuse me, their name is samsung!

maknae on top: just for that i'm doing you and seungmin first :/

seungman: yeah that's fair

felicks: we going for the virgo virgo compaliatitytyt! :)

felicks: i don't know how to spell compatibility

felicks: oHMYGOSH WAIT!

felicks: I JUST DID IT!!!!!!!!

seungman: good job!

maknae on top: "The merging of two incredibly practical, industrious sorts such as these creates an incredibly devoted and doting couple although public displays of affection will be rare"

maknae on top: "The Virgo-Virgo relationship runs like a well-oiled machine, particularly for couples who live together or have children"

maknae on top: owo? o.o

seungman: no we don't have children

seungman: we're not like hyunsung, who adopt kids the same day they start dating

peter han: :)

Tall Boy: :)

maknae on top: "As long as they aren't too harsh with one another, their relationship will be fulfilling in every way"

maknae on top: "One of the strongest points of the relationship is open and honest communication"

felicks: sounds great! :D

seungman: now do hyunsung

felicks: excuse me

felicks: it's SAMSUNG

Tall Boy: our signs are pisces and virgo, just fyi

maknae on top: omg wait

maknae on top: the description for hyunsung is so cute though??

maknae on top: "The two Signs are opposite one another within the Zodiac, and such Signs tend to be well balanced, one making up for qualities the other lacks"

maknae on top: "Each partner in this couple brings out the best aspects in the other"

peter han: aww!! that's so true though!

kitten: not to be a nerd but that is cute

Tall Boy: ^o^

maknae on top: "Both Signs dote on and adore one another. They strive for a harmonious relationship and are very accepting and sympathetic people"

maknae on top: "Together, they represent an idealistic partnership"

maknae on top: "The overall empathy and commitment these two Signs value in a relationship is what will keep the ties strong and long lasting"

peter han: omg jinnie!

Tall Boy: that's us!!

peter han: <3

Tall Boy: <3

maknae on top: changbin do u have a crush on anyone

maknae on top: i wanna do a compatiilbity test for u too

changbean: it's fine! please don't!

maknae on top: oh! i found somethnig called "work compatiblity"...?

maknae on top: anyone know what that means?

daddy: probably a test to see how well you would work with another person

kitten: what a wild guess

maknae on top: oh ok! i'll try changben on that one

maknae on top: i'll try me and him, just for fun

maknae on top: not that i would ever wanna work with changben

changbean: hEY??!? >:(

maknae on top: wait help

maknae on top: i forgot my zodiac sign

Tall Boy: you're an aquarius

maknae on top: ok thanks!

maknae on top: lmao

maknae on top: the result said that i'm the brains behind the operation

changbean: HEY???? RUDE!!!

maknae on top: ididn't wirte it!!!

maknae on top: *didn't

maknae on top: *write

daddy: don't bother correcting your spelling mistakes, it would take all day

daddy: just move on

maknae on top: ok who wants to be tested in the work compatilitty test? :D

maknae on top: i tried to find one for friendship but i couldn't :(

maknae on top: omg wait!

maknae on top: i'll try another website!

Tall Boy: yeah, do that

felicks: omg i really want him to try me and jisung

kitten: but you and jisung would be the same as seungmin and jisung, or you and seungmin

kitten: since all three of you are virgos

peter han: wait what the fuck

peter han: that makes no sense

kitten: which is exactly why i think zodiac signs are bullshit!

Tall Boy: but there's more to astrology than just your zodiac sign though!

maknae on top: STOP TALKING I HAVE RETURNED

maknae on top: i tested virgo-virgo friendship complibitlity

maknae on top: "Two Virgos can bring each other to tremendous heights or terrible depths"

felicks: ...i feel like that is a better description of mine and jisung's friendship than i want to admit

peter han: ...same

changbean: innie, try yourself and chan! you guys are fun together

changbean: aquarius and libra

maknae on top: "Libra and Aquarius get along swimmingly, especially if Aquarius lets Libra take the lead"

maknae on top: not sure what that means but ok

maknae on top: i guess chan and i have a good friendship?

daddy: we do!

felicks: do hyunjin and changbin!

felicks: they're pisces and leo

maknae on top: ok i don't think i like this website anymore

maknae on top: the descriptions aren't nearly as interesting as on the other site i found

maknae on top: "Leo and Pisces form an unusual alliance"

Tall Boy: lmao that's kinda true

maknae on top: i think it says that your friendship is tolerable? idk i don't really understand this one

maknae on top: i'm gonna find another

daddy: can someone tell me why we're doing this?

peter han: channy

peter han: do we really need a reason?

Tall Boy: "cHanNy"

changbean: chANNY OMG

seungman: lmao, channy

kitten: hey, remember when yuna kept calling him chad?

kitten: i think he should change his screen name :)

daddy: :/

Tall Boy: omg i have admin privleges!

**Tall Boy** changed **daddy** 's name to **chad**

Tall Boy: or should it be channy?

Tall Boy: what do you guys think?

chad: NO

chad: STOP

kitten: i think chad is just fine ;)

seungman: chan gives me frat boy vibes now

felicks: did you mean: chad

maknae on top: guys i found another website and i tested jisung and minho's friendship

maknae on top: "These two complete each other"

maknae on top: it also says they're likely to have an instant connection when they first meet

maknae on top: apparently, your friendship is "spectacular"

peter han: i already knew that

kitten: this is why i don't trust astrology :/

peter han: hEY??? RUDE????

peter han: OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SPECTACULAR

maknae on top: lmao you sound like changben

changbean: STOP calling me that!

changbean: it's not my name!

maknae on top: yeah but do you know what i have?

maknae on top: admin prevleg

**maknae on top** changed **changbean** 's name to **changben**

maknae on top: wow! :D

changben: :/

changben: it looks pretty much the same as before

maknae on top: but it's different!

changben: the difference is one letter

kitten: can we change jisung's name to gremlin or something?

kitten: he's been boring for too long

peter han: this is literally my name

kitten: exactly

peter han: ...ok

**Tall Boy** changed **peter han** 's name to **gremlin <3**

Tall Boy: and i mean that in the most loving way possible

Tall Boy: that's why i added a heart <3

gremlin <3: omg i didn't know you could have hearts in your name

maknae on top: i think our job here is done! :D

maknae on top: thanks for today everyone, now i have some assignments to do

chad: ...wait

chad: did you just come here to procrastinate your assignments?

chad: is that why you went to all those astrology websites?

maknae on top: on the contrary, i'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that i undeniably do or do not know what i shouldn't probably do, if that indeed wasn't what i'm doing

gremlin <3: did you just quote shrek 2

maknae on top: ...on the contrary, i'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that i undeniably do or do not know what i didn't probably do, if that indeed wasn't what i did

gremlin <3: ok

gremlin <3: goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeongin is okay, he's just tired of school. no i'm not projecting. yes i am <3
> 
> also i'm an aries but i don't really believe in horoscopes or anything, i just like astrology memes


	40. boifrens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if u don't know what jisung is talking about in this chapter, it's this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7vd_Oy8ixw (warning for 3racha "wow" vibes)
> 
> (ok no that's not it, they mention their dicks a lot, that's what i was gonna warn you for hahahha sorry)

**(private chat): jisung, hyunjin**

jisung: can i say something?

hyunjin: you just did :)

jisung: no, i typed it :)

jisung: i didn't say anything yet

hyunjin: .........fuck......you're right...............

jisung: wHY DID YOU PUT SO MANY DOTS??

jisung: THAT'S FREAKY

jisung: YOU SCARE ME

hyunjin: ......haha............okay...............

hyunjin: ooohhh wait we're getting off track

hyunjin: what did you wanna say?

jisung: oh right!

jisung: i just wanted to say that i'm really glad nothing changed when we started dating

jisung: ok wait that doesn't make sense

jisung: obviously things changed but like,,, everything's the same? just different?

jisung: askljhlaskhdfsk that made even less sense...

hyunjin: no no i get what you mean!

hyunjin: i think..?

jisung: i just mean that we're the same! our friendship didn't change even though we're boyfriends!

jisung: that's what i was trying to say

hyunjin: yeah that is true!

jisung: and that astrology thing jeongin showed us yesterday is really true

jisung: i think you bring out the best in me <3

hyunjin: akjwhgsjhffyeafyyea... !!!

hyunjin: you bring out the best in me too <3

hyunjin: i hate that bullshit about "completing each other" because everyone is complete on their own, you know?

hyunjin: but you help me be a better version of myself, you challenge me and you complement me

jisung: !!!

jisung: you don't complete me, but you complement me

jisung: that is so true

hyunjin: aksjahkjsdha this is too much sap for this early in the morning

jisung: yeah i feel you lol

jisung: let's go cause some chaos in the gc to make up for it! :D

hyunjin: :D

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

gremlin <3: i would just like to thank the blonde boyz for making their content accessible

gremlin <3: shoutout to the blonde boyz for having subs on their song!

gremlin <3: it was a masterpiece <3

felicks: wait

felicks: are you talking about blonde boyz love the tub?

gremlin <3: yes!!!

gremlin <3: gotta love the blonde boyz!!

maknae on top: wait... the blonde boyz as in tommy, ethan and jerome?

gremlin <3: yes!!!

maknae on top: omg

maknae on top: you just took me back to 2015

maknae on top: and also

maknae on top: rest in peace daniel kyre, aka jerome <3

maknae on top: you will be missed

gremlin <3: rest in peace daniel kyre

maknae on top: when i grow up, i wanna be a blonde boy

changben. ...

changben: first of all, you ARE grown up

changben: second, you're asian so there's no way your hair is suddenly gonna turn blond

maknae on top: well, bleach exists for a reason <3

kitten: ohmygod i missed everything leading up to this and all i saw was jeongin saying "bleach exists for a reason" followed by a heart and i thought he was threatening to murder changbin

maknae on top: ...well, that wouldn't be an incorrect assumption :)

changben: uhm

changben: hello, 911?

changben: i am being threatened

seungman: hi this is emergency dispatch

seungman: we don't care

changben: rUDE!

chad: okay guys, that's enough of teasing changbin

chad: let's change the subject! :)

changben: "you look uncomfortable, i'm sorry, let me change the subject"

gremlin <3: ??? what

gremlin <3: wait im gonna change my name

**gremlin <3** changed their name to **gremlin**

gremlin: i appreciate that hyunjin added the heart but it makes me look too nice when i'm trying to be rude to changben

Tall Boy: <3

changben: hEYYYY????

changben: and also, those were song lyrics from the song Nate by NF

gremlin: omg! i love nf!!!

changben: really?

gremlin: or well, i love his lyrics

gremlin: and he has a lot of songs with beats that feel nice so yeah

gremlin: i love him!!!

kitten: isn't that the rapper we used to listen to in the dance studio?

gremlin: yeah! :D

Tall Boy: wait

Tall Boy: do u listen to music??

gremlin: no! :D

maknae on top: okaaaay this is confusing

gremlin: sooo, i'm not 100% deaf as you may know

gremlin: i mean most deaf people aren't 100% deaf

gremlin: anyway!

gremlin: sometimes i go with minho to the dance studio and he plays music really loud so i can hear it

gremlin: but i mostly feel the beat

Tall Boy: oooh! :D

Tall Boy: so do you like music?

gremlin: yeah! i mean it's not a big part of my life or anything but i enjoy it sometimes, it's just not something i think about a lot

changben: wait you said you liked his lyrics

changben: do you like reading lyrics?

gremlin: yeah i do!

changben: are you good at lyrics?

changben: i NEED HELP with some lyrics so WILL YOU HELP ME???

gremlin: YEAH SURE BUT WHY ARE YOU YELLING??

changben: IDK

changben: I GOT EXCITED

changben: I USUALLY ASK CHAN BUT HE MOSTLY HELPS ME WITH PRODUCING AND I WANT ADVICE ON LYRICS

gremlin: GREAT! I LOVE WORDS

seungman: you two are so awkward

seungman: do you need help making plans for this?

changben: no

changben: are you free this afternoon?

gremlin: i am!

changben: wanna come over to mine and hyunjin's apartment and help me with lyrics?

gremlin: sure!!!

gremlin: and i can see my children!!!!!! <3 <3 <3<3 <3<3<3<3

gremlin: it's been too long since i last saw them :((

seungman: ohmygod not this bullshit again...

Tall Boy: HEY!

Tall Boy: don't call our children bullshit!

Tall Boy: you're chihiro's godfather, you're not allowed to be rude to her!

felicks: no he's not! i'm chihiro's godfather! seungmin is sophie's godfather!

Tall Boy: ...oops

seungman: :/

changben: anyway

changben: jisung, i'll see u later!

gremlin: see you later .D

gremlin: aw shit wait my smiley lost an eye

gremlin: ok nvm

gremlin: some people only have one eye and they deserve the representation <3

chad: that's... oddly wholesome, considering the context

kitten: that's just how jisung is

kitten: oddly wholesome in weird contexts

chad: yeah… he really is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blonde boyz feels like something 3racha could have made around the same time they made wow. just the Vibes, man
> 
> ALSO since i'm not deaf, most of jisung's experience here is from youtubers like Sign duo, Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, Rikki Poynter... idk i feel like most people have heard of molly burke but here's some more Representation :D


	41. group project!

**(private chat): changbin, hyunjin**

changbin: so i talked to my teacher about my graduation project

hyunjin: omg!! :D

changbin: and i will tell you about it if you promise not to say "omg" during this conversation

hyunjin: that's a tough promise to make, but okay

hyunjin: i promise i won't say the word you just said i'm not allowed to say! :D

changbin: thanks

changbin: so anyway

changbin: i booked one of the school's concert halls so now i have a date and a location for the thing

hyunjin: wow!

changbin: ...is wow gonna be the new omg?

hyunjin: maybe!

changbin: k whatever

changbin: i also have a setlist! but not 100% sure about it so like, it's more of a draft than anything

changbin: but i've talked to seungmin and chan about helping with this!

hyunjin: chan? what did you ask chan to help you with

changbin: first the music production, but also some graphic design stuff

changbin: he's actually really good at that

hyunjin: oh yeah that's true!

changbin: and seungmin for photos + maybe a video that can play at the same time as the songs

hyunjin: will i get to see the setlist?

hyunjin: also how are the art pieces gonna be a part of this? if you're doing the show on stage, the audience can't see the paintings

changbin: i was thinking we could take pictures of your art and have it on the screen behind me

changbin: alternatively, you could paint on those large paper thingies and hang them up in the background, but that would look more like it's part of the background so idk

hyunjin: oh! i would love to paint the background too! some atmospheric shit, that would look nice

hyunjin: but yeah i think it would be better to show everything on the screen through pictures or videos

changbin: okay, good!

hyunjin: when will i get to hear the setlist?

changbin: i can email you all the tracks before this weekend probably

changbin: some of them still need a lot of work, but i'll just send you whatever versions i have at the moment

hyunjin: good enough for me! as long as i can get a sense of the emotion in the song, it should be fine

changbin: i can tell you all the titles here though, and how i'm planning to represent them visually

changbin: again, this is all just part of my first draft so nothing is set in stone yet and you're free to come with your own ideas

hyunjin: okay! tell me :D

changbin: "streetlight" - i'm planning a music video for this song but i might wanna incorporate art into the video, which i would need your help with, but idk yet

changbin: "cypher" - a lyric video with some animations/graphic design stuff by chan

changbin: "if" - pictures and paintings, probably in the form of a slideshow that plays in the back while i'm rapping

changbin: "on track" - a music video that seungmin agreed to help me film

changbin: "neverending story" - probably another music video but only because i'm running out of ideas

changbin: "ex" - honestly i'm completely lost for this one but at least i got seungmin to agree to sing it with me

hyunjin: what if you and seungmin sat on two stools in the middle of the stage while me, felix and minho did some contemporary choreo?

hyunjin: or well idk what genre the song is, but you mentioned seungmin's vocals and considering how angelic they are, i'm assuming contemporary will fit the song...?

changbin: oh yeah! contemporary dance would work! it's a pretty chill sad song

hyunjin: ok great! do u want us to dance then? :D

changbin: that would be neat

changbin: can you ask minho and felix?

hyunjin: absolutely!

changbin: ok then i'll send you the songs as soon as i've exported them to mp3s

hyunjin: noice ^.^

hyunjin: but do you want me to paint the background for the stage?

changbin: if you want to?

changbin: i mean, i would like that, but not if it's too much work!

hyunjin: oh no i want to! :D

changbin: then sure, yeah do that! thank you

hyunjin: no problem!

=

**(private chat): hyunjin, jisung**

hyunjin: art advice

jisung: are you asking for art advice or are you giving me art advice?

hyunjin: asking for it

jisung: ok! go!

hyunjin: if you're painting a stage background, but there's gonna be a bunch of performances with different vibes on the stage, how do you decide on a theme for the background?

hyunjin: like, what vibe should the background have?

jisung: what performances are we talking about?

jisung: is it dance, music, theater...?

hyunjin: music!

jisung: oooh okay

jisung: then i would go for a black and white theme, but use different lightning for different songs to make the background fit each song

jisung: like red lightning if it's an angry song, blue for more chill ones etc

jisung: if the background is black and white you can change the overall appearance of the stage much easier

hyunjin: wait a black and white theme is actually really good

jisung: i know!

jisung: and if you want, you could either doodle things that the lyrics talk about or write some lyrics from the songs on the background

jisung: but obviously the audience won't be able to read it cause it's too far away so it would mostly just be there to contribute to the atmosphere on stage

hyunjin: omg tHANK YOU JISUNG YOU'RE A GENIUS!

jisung: i know i am! but thank you ^.^

hyunjin: <33


	42. jail time!! woo!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for some more Minsung Friendship™ content :D

**(private chat): father, sun**

father: hey where are you?

sun: trying to steal our neighbor's cat! :D

father: cool

father: want some help?

sun: sure! you can keep lookout

father: but i wanna hold cat :(

sun: hm

sun: okay yeah

sun: i guess you could climb up the balcony and join me as i break into the apartment

father: i am omw!

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

kitten: when i go to jail, i'm gonna need someone to bring my cats to my parents' house

kitten: i don't trust any of you idiots to take care of my babies while i'm gone

chad: wait, minho, hang on a second

seungman: there's a lot to unpack there

felicks: now, we don't have time to unpack all of that

felicks: OMG SEUNGMIN

felicks: BRAIN TWINS!! <3

seungman: ok. <2

seungman: fuck

seungman: i meant <3

chad: guys? is no one else bothered by what minho just said??

Tall Boy: not really, no

changben: why are you going to jail minho?

changben: i mean, not that i'm surprised

changben: i'm just wondering which one of the hundreds of reasons they picked to finally arrest you

kitten: rude!!!

gremlin: breaking and entering, probably

gremlin: or maybe theft

gremlin: is it a crime to threaten someone with a knife?

gremlin: cause that could also be a reason

chad: yOU THREATENED SOMEONE WITH A KNIFE?? MINHO???

kitten: yeah but i had a good reason

chad: NO REASON IS A GOOD REASON

chad: DON'T THREATEN PEOPLE

gremlin: lmao it was me he threatened with the knife

seungman: but wait, why can't jisung take care of your cats when you go to jail?

seungman: i mean he already lives with you and the cats

seungman: i don't get why you suddenly don't trust him

kitten: oh, that!

kitten: i would trust jisung to take care of my cats because i know how much he loves them

gremlin: i do <3

seungman: then why can't you just ask him to do it?

kitten: because he's probably going to jail with me

chad: WHTA

chad: WHAT?????

Tall Boy: uhhhh jISUNG?????? WHY???????

Tall Boy: oh my god i'm too young to be a single parent

Tall Boy: how am i supposed to raise chihiro and sophie and kiki without him???

gremlin: you have to raise dora (my lizard) and samantha (my turtle) as well! i'm leaving them in your care hyunjin :D

Tall Boy: ohmygod holy shit

Tall Boy: how am i supposed to raise Five (5) children all on my own??

maknae on top: don't worry hyunjin, we will all help you

felicks: yes! we'll do what we can for you and your family in these trying times

seungman: we'll babysit as often as we can

Tall Boy: omg thanks guys! ^o^

Tall Boy: i'm so glad i have such trustworthy friends to rely on <3

chad: MINHO?

chad: jISUNG?

chad: WHY ARE YOU GETTING ARRESTED???

kitten: we stole a cat

gremlin: i meaaan,,, i wouldn't say we stole it

gremlin: more like kidnapped

kitten: you can't kidnap a cat though

kitten: catnap

kitten: no wait that's not it...

chad: WHY did you steal your neighbor's cat?

gremlin: the poor baby is being neglected by her owner :(

kitten: we had to do what we could to save her!

kitten: and if that means committing a crime or two, it's absolutely worth it

gremlin: it really is!!

chad: yeah but maybe don't get arrested

chad: just a suggestion

felicks: chan's life hack to avoid jail: just say no!

maknae on top: when someone tries to arrest you, just say "no thanks!"

maknae on top: that means they're legally not allowed to arrest you!

chad: ...that is not true

gremlin: ooh thanks! we'll try that when the cops arrive! :D

seungman: okay wait

seungman: are you actually getting arrested?

seungman: like, for real?

gremlin: our neighbor hasn't noticed that we stole her cat yet, but it's only a matter of time

kitten: we gotta get our affairs in order before she calls the cops on us

gremlin: yeah

gremlin: hyunjin i'll give you detailed instructions on how to take care of dora and samantha <3

Tall Boy: thanks please send it via email <3

gremlin: sure <3

chad: if your neighbor hasn't noticed yet, why don't you just put the cat back?

chad: that's where it's gonna end up after you both get arrested, anyway

chad: you might as well save yourself the trouble of going to jail

kitten: no!

gremlin: no!

chad: ...ok

chad: glad to see you both respect the law

gremlin: minho is the one who raised me, of course i share his values!

kitten: yeah

kitten: kids usually get their morals from their parents

seungman: you didn't raise him though

kitten: oh? are you trying to get yourself disowned again?

kitten: cause you just did!

seungman: i don't think you adopted me again after last time, though

seungman: you know

seungman: that time with the orange juice

felicks: he's right!

felicks: me and seungmin are still unadopted

chad: minHO ADOPT YOUR KIDS AGAIN!!

kitten: ok shit, i'm sorry i guess

kitten: i take you both back

kitten: the documents are hereby SIGNED

felicks: :D

chad: wait we're getting distracted...

chad: minho, jisung, i know you wanna do what's best for the cat but please don't get yourselves into trouble

gremlin: i'm sorry chan but it's too late now

chad: no it's not too late! you can still put the cat back!

kitten: no, we actually can't

kitten: our neighbor just got home

gremlin: yeah minho said he heard her door open

chad: shit...

kitten: does anyone wanna make a bet on how long it will take until she notices her cat is gone?

seungman: 5 minutes

felicks: 7,28 minutes

changben: i think longer

changben: half an hour

kitten: noted! i will buy one (1) ice cream for whoever is the closest 

maknae on top: omg i want ice cream

maknae on top: i think it will take one hour before she notices!

kitten: your bet has been placed!

Tall Boy: what if she never notices though?

kitten: ???

kitten: no offense but who the fuck would not notice if their cat was missing???

Tall Boy: i mean, you just said that she neglects her cat

Tall Boy: maybe she won't notice

gremlin: oh, that's a good point

kitten: i've started a timer so now we'll just see how long it takes before something happens :)

chad: ...you're not even gonna do anything? just wait for her to find out?

kitten: yeah...?

kitten: i mean, what else should we do?

seungman: you could pretend that her cat ran away and go give it back

gremlin: like we said before

gremlin: we are not putting the cat back there willingly

kitten: exactly.

chad: ok

chad: let us know what happens next, i guess

gremlin: we will!


	43. not jail time…?

****

(8): drug deal gang!

****

****  


gremlin: it has been three hours and there's no sign of our neighbor noticing anything yet

kitten: slow your roll sungie

kitten: there's someone at the door

gremlin: then open the door???

kitten: you don't have to tell me to open the door! i'm on my way!!

chad: is it the cops?

gremlin: i dunno yet

gremlin: i'm watching from the living room but idk what they're saying

Tall Boy: who is it? are you getting arrested??

gremlin: it's our neighbor!

Tall Boy: oh no!!

Tall Boy: does minho seem worried??

gremlin: all i can see is his back so i really don't know

gremlin: but our neighbor doesn't look angry so i don't think she knows what we did

gremlin: THEYRE DONE TALKLING NOW

seungman: talkling

gremlin: shut up or i won't tell you what they said

seungman: do you even know what they said?

gremlin: shhh minho is telling me rn

maknae on top: place your bets now!

maknae on top: are they going to jail or not?

Tall Boy: i hope not!

felicks: yeah probably

changben: no, i have faith in them!

chad: they absolutely should :/

seungman: i think they are, yes

maknae on top: i think they'll get away with it!

maknae on top: jisung what are the results?

gremlin: not jail time...?

gremlin: i think

chad: what does that mean?

kitten: our neighbor asked if we had seen her cat and i said no

chad: ohmygod

kitten: and then she was like "oh that's too bad"

kitten: but apparently she was gonna get rid of the cat tomorrow!!

kitten: so i was like "oh no is your cat sick??" and she was like "no i just don't have time for it"

gremlin: :((

kitten: and then i asked if we could have her cat if she finds it and she was like "??? uhh yeah i guess"

kitten: so technically we may have stolen her cat, but we have her permission to take care of it now!!

chad: i'm not sure if that counts as permission, but i'm happy for you!

felicks: minho and jisung's apartment is slowly turning into a zoo...

felicks: they already have 3 cats, a turtle and a lizard

felicks: plus this new cat

felicks: that's 6 animals

gremlin: exactly the way it should be! ^.^

kitten: agreed!!

maknae on top: omg what is the new cat named? :D

kitten: Plato <3

chad: and what's your neighbor's name?

kitten: uhh... idk

kitten: why are you asking?

chad: so you know her cat's name, but not her name?

kitten: precisely!

chad: as expected :/

chad: also, why is that the cat's name?

gremlin: we're not the ones who named her, our neighbor did

gremlin: i'm pretty sure she's a history professor

gremlin: or maybe philosophy, idk

changben: okay but how do you even take care of that many animals?

kitten: i only leave the apartment like once a week, and jisung never goes outside

kitten: it's honestly not that hard

maknae on top: lol

maknae on top: WAIT

maknae on top: DOES THIS MEAN I AM GETTING ICE CREAM?

changben: what? why?

maknae on top: cause minho said he would buy ice cream when we made that bet about how long it would take their neighbor to notice

kitten: oh right!

kitten: you said it would take one hour and it took three hours

kitten: yeah sure i'll buy you ice cream

maknae on top: yay ^o^

Tall Boy: but i said "what if she never notices" and technically she still hasn't noticed that you stole it!!

Tall Boy: only that it's missing!

kitten: okay, then i will buy both of you ice cream

gremlin: i want ice cream :(

kitten: ...you live with me

kitten: you literally eat all the ice cream i buy

felicks: wait why is jisung getting ice cream and not me? this is unfair :(

seungman: minho favoritism, smh :/

changben: nooo i want ice cream!!

kitten: ohmygod...

kitten: i never should have married chan, i have too many kids now

chad: we're not even married???

kitten: but fine, i guess

kitten: i will buy everyone ice cream

kitten: (including chan)

chad: oh thanks <3

maknae on top: omg! minho best dad!!

felicks: yay! ^o^

kitten: can't believe this is what my life has come to :/

kitten: anyway

kitten: when do yall want your ice cream?

changben: i'm in the music studio w chan right now but we will be done in like an hour

kitten: great! then everyone should go to innie's favorite ice cream place in 60 minutes

kitten: you all know which one i mean

felicks: yes!!!

kitten: i'll see you in 59 minutes and 42 seconds :)

chad: that's...

chad: ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cat <3


	44. piercings & marbles

**(8): drug deal gang!**

gremlin: i did it

seungman: did what?

gremlin: i made up my mind

kitten: congrats! i'm so proud of you

kitten: i never thought i'd see the day :')

gremlin: i'm getting an eyebrow piercing and there's nothing you can do to stop me

gremlin: hyunjin will just have to suffer

Tall Boy: sUNGIE NO PLS

chad: ...what is going on?

gremlin: i'm getting an eyebrow piercing and none of you can stop me!

Tall Boy: jisung no i will literally cry

gremlin: you can't dictate my life choices!

gremlin: dicktator :/

Tall Boy: i know, but please consider this:

Tall Boy: i'm very sensitive and also attracted to you

Tall Boy: imagine what would happen to me if you pierce your eyebrow! D:

seungman: why is this even a conversation you're having

gremlin: we've actually had this conversation 15 times already! :)

gremlin: but now i made up my mind!

Tall Boy: if you pierce your eyebrow, i will pierce my lip

gremlin: wAIT NO

gremlin: tHATS CHEATING

gremlin: SIR U CANT DO THAT

Tall Boy: OHOHOHOHO HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED

Tall Boy: HWAT IS THIS HYPOCRISY??

chad: hwat is this spelling?

Tall Boy: every W should have an H in front of it

Tall Boy: becase my name is hwang, so it only makes sense

felicks: but hwy?

Tall Boy: becaise i say so! :D

seungman: ...how did you manage to misspell "because" two times in a row?

seungman: and in different ways?

Tall Boy: it's just one of my many talents ;)

seungman: ok.

kitten: are you really getting piercings or was that just an empty threat?

gremlin: i really am getting one

gremlin: will u pls go with me to the piercing place? <3

gremlin: pls <3 ily <3 i need u <3

kitten: yeah sure

kitten: what about hyunjin

Tall Boy: idk i think i'm just gonna put on a fake lip piercing sometime

gremlin: OMG

gremlin: my heart will die

Tall Boy: aww no <3 that's so sad!

gremlin: ...you don't seem very sad

Tall Boy: hmm :)

changben: well...

changben: if you two are done i would like to say something

Tall Boy: oh! sure!

changben: I would like to formally invite everyone here to come watch my graduation project on Friday next week!

changben: it's gonna be on stage 5 if you all know where that is

chad: we'd love to be there binnie! :)

gremlin: omg! yes!

gremlin: what is your graduation project? :D

changben: that will be a surprise for you

changben: or well, a surprise for everyone except hyunjin cause he's the only one who knows about everything

kitten: i know about one thing

seungman: i know about two things :)

changben: yeah yeah whatever

changben: so you'll all be there?

gremlin: yes!!!

felicks: of course boi

chad: definitely!

maknae on top: i also have no idea what's going on but yeah! :D

seungman: me too

Tall Boy: and you already know i'm coming :D

Tall Boy: great!

Tall Boy: now we can go back to the previous topic

changben: ...

gremlin: what else do you have to say hyunjin

Tall Boy: your PIERCING

Tall Boy: will KILL me!!!! D:

gremlin: die then lmao

chad: jisung no

kitten: lmao

Tall Boy: jisungieeeeee D:

Tall Boy: you break my heart :((

gremlin: sorry lol

Tall Boy: :((

gremlin: would you prefer it if i broke your bones instead

Tall Boy: hWY WOULD I PREFER THAT???????

Tall Boy: THAT DOENST EVEN MAEK SENSE!!!!

gremlin: uwu ^.^

chad: the coherency is officially gone

chad: they have lost their marbles

kitten: bold of you to assume they ever had their marbles intact

gremlin: marbles???? mARBLES????

gremlin: that's such a weird word

Tall Boy: all words are weird if you think hard enough about them

gremlin: that is very true!

felicks: MARBLES

changben: WHY ARE YOU YELLING ABOUT MARBLES???

Tall Boy: mRBLES!!!

gremlin: MARBLES!

maknae on top: murbls

chad: great…

chad: i look forward to experiencing this mess irl again next week :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> marbles… mArbles… MARBLS… i just think it's such a weird word


	45. Show

**hyunjin, jisung (private chat)**

hyunjin: hey sungie wAIT A MINUTE I'M OMW!!

hyunjin: I FORGOT TO FEED OUR CHILDREN

hyunjin: I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND

jisung: OMG HYUNJIN, FEED OUR CHILDREN, YOU CAN'T LET THEM STARVE!!!

jisung: anyway i'm waiting for you outside <3

hyunjin: also i can't wait to show you what me and changbin have been working on!!! i'm so excited!!!

jisung: me too!!! but pls feed our children so you can come out soon! <3

hyunjin: ok i am on my way!!! ^o^

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

maknae on top: mery friyay! :D

felicks: merry crysler!

seungman: merry crisis

changben: uhm...

changben: is everyone on their way right now? :)

gremlin: me and hyunjin are halfway there!! :D

kitten: *hyunjin and i

gremlin: minho, i do not care about your perfect grammar and spelling <3

gremlin: fvck gramer

felicks: lmao mod

seungman: ...is that meant to say mood?

felicks: yea but fvck spelign <3

seungman: the more time i spend in this gc, the more brain cells i loose

seungman: can't say i regret being here though

maknae on top: yeah!!! hyunjin realy did something good when he stole chan's phone all those months ago! !! :D

felicks: it's been months?????

felicks: woah... i thought it was like... yesterday

kitten: months????

kitten: i thought it had been years, maybe even decades

seungman: yeah... this gc is probably making you age faster, minho 😊

kitten: rude!?

maknae on top: ...

maknae on top: anyway i'm with chan rn and we're almost there :D

changben: i'll meet you all in the entrance!

Tall Boy: thanks! i don't wanna get lost in there :(

changben: it's... one room

changben: literally

changben: there's no way you could get lost

chad: oh trust me, he'd find a way

maknae on top: yeah

maknae on top: it's hyunjin we're talking about here :/

Tall Boy: RUDE! i mean you're not wrong but still

changben: yeah anyway

changben: i've also printed out QR codes and put on the walls right inside the entrance so please scan them when you get here!

changben: they will give you the lyrics to my songs on your phone so you can read them while the songs are playing :)

gremlin: ooooh that's really smart!!

changben: thank you! but it was actually chan's idea

maknae on top: woah

maknae on top: chad big brain

felicks: chad big brain

Tall Boy: chad big brain

gremlin: chad big brain

chad: ...

chad: thanks guys

kitten: if you didn't want them to call you chad, you shouldn't have been named chan

chad: i'm not even named chan though?

chad: my name is chris

chad: literally everyone except the people in this gc call me chris

seungman: that's so tragic!

seungman: anyway see you soon :)

kitten: woah... you can really feel his insincerity through that message

chad: yeah :/

gremlin: hihihi i just found a tapeworm in my pocket

Tall Boy: omg!!! show me?? :0

Tall Boy: OMG HE REALLY DOES HAVE A TAPEWORM IN HIS POCKET!!

changben: ...

changben: a n y w a y

changben: i'll see you guys soon :)

Tall Boy: yeah ok bye!!!! for now!!!!

gremlin: bai for now :D

=

Hyunjin looks over at Jisung when the first song starts playing.

Jisung eyes are wide, sparkling, as he takes it all in. The lights from the stage are reflected on his face and paints his skin with various shades of blue and purple. His lips are slightly parted, and there's a look of pure amazement on his face. 

Hyunjin reaches out to hold his hand, and Jisung takes it without looking away from the stage for even a second. A small smile spreads over Hyunjin's face.

The first song in Changbin's set is "Streetlight", and it's a music video, so Jisung ends up not needing to look at the lyrics on his phone at all since the video has subtitles. Hyunjin probably spends the majority of the song looking at his boyfriend instead of the stage, but oh well. He helped Changbin work on this video. He's seen most of it already, so he's much more interested in his boyfriend's reaction.

Jisung's face is very expressive. It's so easy to see exactly what he feels just from looking at his face, and when the first song ends, he turns to Hyunjin with excitement shining in his eyes.

"That was sad", he signs. "I love it!"

Hyunjin grins at him.

"I know. I like his lyrics."

Jisung nods in agreement, his eyes still bright as he turns back to look at the stage.

=

**(8): drug deal gang!**

gremlin: that…

gremlin: was…

gremlin: WOW

maknae on top: big agree!!!!

gremlin: literally half of yall were on the stage at some point

gremlin: 5/8

gremlin: wait thats more than half...

Tall Boy: good math babe!

gremlin: i tried 💔

maknae on top: i wasn't involved either and i was. SHOOKETH by everything that happened today

maknae on top: also changben is f a k e cause he didnt tell me about this :(

changben: technically i only told hyunjin, so it's not like i was trying to exclude you???

Tall Boy: oh yeah lol

Tall Boy: i asked felix & minho to dance with me

changben: and then i asked seungmin to sing with me, and chan just did stuff without really knowing what he was doing it for

chad: oh yeah that was weird

chad: you came to me with questions like "what color does this song sound like???"

maknae on top: sounds wild

maknae on top: anyway!

maknae on top: [insert heartfelt compliment to changbin]

changben: aww, thanks innie!!

chad: …he didn't say anything though?

chad: that's not an actual compliment

maknae on top: yes it is <3

chad: no it isn't <3

maknae on top: shut up <3

chad: uhm, respect your elders, child <3

maknae on top: lmao no u old man <3

kitten: ANYWAY

kitten: everyone come over to mine and sungie's apartment if you're free!

kitten: we're having a family dinner to celebrate a successful show!!

**Tall Boy** set the chat name to **FAM!**

Tall Boy: omg food

maknae on top: minho best dad! ^o^

chad: …minho disowns his kids at least once a month

chad: are you sure he's your favorite parent? :/

maknae on top: he only disowns jisung, felix and seungmin though! so i think i'm safe

chad: :/

chad: anyway i'm coming to dinner!

chad: and jeongin is with me rn so we'll be there very soon

seungman: i'm already in their apartment

felicks: me too! :D

changben: me and hyunjin are just leaving the concert hall

kitten: should i start cooking now?

kitten: FELIX

kitten: stop stealing my cats to make tiktoks

felicks: but minho :( they're cute :((

kitten: no :/

kitten: or i mean yes, but still no

felix: then i'll steal sungie's pets instead :D

gremlin: NOO

gremlin: GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTERS!!!

felix: U CANT STOP ME!!

gremlin: YES I CAN BITCH

chad: we're outside your front door now!

gremlin: it's open!

gremlin: you can just walk in :D

maknae on top: bold of you to assume i wasn't going to do that anyway

gremlin: yeah ok

gremlin: should have expected that

Tall Boy: changbin and i are hurrying!!!!!!

chad: everyone please calm down and stop yelling in the gc

chad: let's just wait for everyone to get here and have a normal family dinner :)

seungman: normal???

felicks: who does he think we are…?

kitten: we've never been normal

kitten: no offense but this dinner will not be normal

Tall Boy: WERE OUTISDE YOUR DOOR NOW :D

gremlin: YAY :D

gremlin: the fam's all here!

kitten: prepare for absolute chaos :)


End file.
